Dear User:

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch) 03/04/2020 at 15:02 • Filed to: IT department

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“We’ve noticed that you are right in the middle of some critical job with a deadline you can’t miss and so obviously we need you to update your computer. We know the success rate for you on these updates is, like, 18% but its super duper important that we update your computer right bloody now! Even a delay of 1 day could spell certain disaster. Don’t you dare ask what the update is, or ask us to fix it when...er... if it breaks, or ask for an extension on the push...just do it or we’ll lock you out.

Love

The offsite, 3rd party contracted IT company”

Annnnnnnnd, unplug the ethernet cable...

jimz > HammerheadFistpunch 03/04/2020 at 15:16

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in house is no better.  I had to update this morning (forced reboot) and on a webex later in the day two people on the call said “oh crap, my laptop is about to kick me off.” 

Jim Spanfeller > HammerheadFistpunch 03/04/2020 at 15:19

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Just once in one of those action thriller movies where they have to upload some file to some computer at the last second before it’s too late while some bad guys are trying to kill them, I want to see the computer proceed to do an automatic hour-long update. With restarts and everything. Wouldn’t that be great?

For Sweden > HammerheadFistpunch 03/04/2020 at 15:21

0

Intel chips, huh?

HammerheadFistpunch > For Sweden 03/04/2020 at 15:23

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This one says my boot partition (which I don’t have) and my recovery partition (ditto) are unencrypted and thats a big no-no.  Someone could hack into this machine and get access to...um...mac recovery files?

Ash78, voting early and often > HammerheadFistpunch 03/04/2020 at 15:23

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About once a week for me. Some of them give me 90-minute warnings, others just 15 minutes. Always in the middle of a Skype presentation, too.

For Sweden > HammerheadFistpunch 03/04/2020 at 15:32

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All I know about Utah is that everyone works for the NSA.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Jim Spanfeller 03/04/2020 at 15:32

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In real time. 3 hour movie, half of which is a series of downloads and updates.

Jim Spanfeller > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 03/04/2020 at 15:34

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Yes. Someone must pitch this to Hollywood.

For Sweden > HammerheadFistpunch 03/04/2020 at 15:37

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P.S. this is all your fault

HammerheadFistpunch > For Sweden 03/04/2020 at 15:44

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shh, not so loud!

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > HammerheadFistpunch 03/04/2020 at 15:55

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IT company, artist’s representation:

ClassicDatsunDebate > HammerheadFistpunch 03/04/2020 at 15:56

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Webroot has blocked the following website

www. the stupid 3rd party IT’s own web site . com

Reason: Games

ttyymmnn > Jim Spanfeller 03/04/2020 at 16:27

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I always remind my kids that those action movies aren’t documentaries. 

Chariotoflove > HammerheadFistpunch 03/04/2020 at 16:53

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One day, my grad student came to me and told me his computer just disappeared from his desk while he was out for a half hour. After freaking out for a moment, I went to IT to see if they knew what happened. If they didn’t, my next step was going to be to security to see what the cams showed in our hall. We are a clinical building after all, and sometimes people wander up here.

Well, College Station IT told our IT guys that my grad student’s computer had visited some suspect website, and would have to be pulled from the network and cleansed immediately to prevent world-ending disaster to our university. They ordered IT to come take the computer from the desk right away, which they did without telling anyone, and bring it to the IT department.

I sat in the middle of that room and ripped those techs a new one. Then, my department head did it again by email and copied the Dean’s office.

T hey don’t touch our shit without telling us now.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > HammerheadFistpunch 03/04/2020 at 17:13

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I have root on my machine, I just removed all of their management software and disabled the account they setup to remote into my machine. 

HammerheadFistpunch > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 03/04/2020 at 17:30

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I would LOVE to do that, but they are very tightly integrated.  I wouldn’t be able to do much work without their sticky fingers in my computer’s business.  

BaconSandwich is tasty. > HammerheadFistpunch 03/04/2020 at 18:32

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I have similar luck with Windows. At work, I have 3 machines. It seems like every other week, at least one of them reboots (without asking, or saying that it’s going to reboot ). Shortly after, the other two will do it.