Kinja's Last Lap: The Story behind Mergio Sarchionne (08/31/2017 - 07/21/2018)

"CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever" (carsoffortlangley)
11/12/2020 at 14:38 • Filed to: Best of COFL, mergio

I decided to make a Kinja account for Sergio Marchionne at about 9:00am on Thursday August 31st to !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and essentially post what he would post, including shilling for products.

I then was contacted by Patrick George who told me that FCA’s head of PR had contacted him to complain. I found that tremendously funny and sincerely hoped that real Sergio had read my comments about !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and turned purple with rage.

After that, I changed the account to read “deleted” and stopped commenting for a bit. I then came up with the idea of the fake nose/glasses bit and switching the letters of the name around.

The rest, is history. I had a ton of fun posting as Mergio and I hope that everyone had fun reading it. I also hope that real Sergio pulls through. I may like to rag on FCA and would never buy one, but they make some cool cars.

My favorite comments:

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Lots of others, too many to list really.

DISCUSSION (73)

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 16:04

The Man(ley). The Myth. The Legend.

His Stigness > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 16:07

So are you going to wait until FCA complains again about Manly before changing that?

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > His Stigness
07/21/2018 at 16:08

That’s not me.

Also, someone named Mike Manly would fly to Vancouver, come to my house and just beat the shit out of me instead of having his PR person complain.

vondon302 > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 16:10

Thanks for the laughs its been great. People rag on Sergio but he turned around a company that no body wanted and returned it to a profitable Enterprise. Southeast Michigan would have been even worse off if Chrysler would have folded.

His Stigness > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 16:16

It’s really not you, or you can’t say?

Mike Manly > His Stigness
07/21/2018 at 16:18

Should I give up my real identity now or later..... I'll wait until I get authorship/ungrayed.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > His Stigness
07/21/2018 at 16:20

It’s 100% not me

For Sweden > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 16:27

#SaveMergio

facw > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 16:29

I’m expect Make Minly instead anyway.

facw > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 16:29

I’m expect Make Minly instead anyway.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Mike Manly
07/21/2018 at 16:33

It’ll help your cause to just tell us your main account first.

Nom De Plume > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 16:34

Be a real shame if this place gets shuttered.

Mike Manly > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
07/21/2018 at 16:36

Ok. Hondoyota.

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > Mike Manly
07/21/2018 at 16:42

you may actually want to switch the letters around too

James May > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 16:43

So I should change my name to Mames Jay then?

Mike Manly > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero
07/21/2018 at 16:45

Misspelling his last name isn't enough?

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > Mike Manly
07/21/2018 at 16:46

i totally did not realize you misspelled his last name, carry on lol

Mike Manly > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero
07/21/2018 at 16:53

I was thinking this for the new profile pic in case:

Kinja'd!!!

James May > Mike Manly
07/21/2018 at 17:09

Hello

boredalways > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 17:11

I will miss your competitve sweater competitions with Serg, Merg.

someassemblyrequired > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 17:14

I hope Sergio pulls through just so we can keep enjoying Mergio’s posts.

fintail > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 17:26

Hilarious that FCA PR rabble got their knickers in a twist about this.

Mike Manly > James May
07/21/2018 at 17:27

Hello.

AkursedX > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 17:44

Props to you for a few things:

1- Making the Mergio account. I, like many others got plenty of laughs out of those posts.

2- For sharing this post and ‘coming clean’ about you alter-ego and also providing the history/back story of it.

3- For retiring the account (although you didn't necessarily say that you are, more my assumption). Like you, I find it easy to make fun of FCA and it's fearless leader, but reading about how Marchionne is stepping down because of health issues was rather depressing.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 17:52

Great job on that sockpuppet, he’s been one of my favorites since you created him.

“Mike Manley” can’t just swap first letters, although you could swap first letters, but people would still cry foul.

Perhaps “Wike Wanley”.

ranwhenparked > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 18:19

Doesn’t have to be the end, you can just rename the account again. Flip around the first letters in Mike Manley’s names and you’re good.

Mike Manly > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
07/21/2018 at 18:25

Soo o...I’m just gonna patiently wait here for a yes or no.

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
07/21/2018 at 19:17

And I'm Mike Manly.

PS9 > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 20:49

You’d need a lot of free time to manage two kinja accounts. The kind of free time someone who’s independently wealthy and suffering from serious injury has. Hmm.

Spoon II > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/21/2018 at 23:25

You can’t hear it, but I’m slow clapping. I didn’t think that blog comments could get so good

BruceS85 > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/22/2018 at 03:09

Hold on a sec—am I to believe that the entire Jalopnik site is not a parody in and of itself? I thought that was the whole idea!

BruceS85 > Eric @ opposite-lock.com
07/22/2018 at 03:12

Wank Winley?

Wheelerguy > Mike Manly
07/22/2018 at 04:09

Fuck knows if he’s real.

Mike Manly > Wheelerguy
07/22/2018 at 11:51

Who, me? Or my main account Hondoyota? You've never seen me ever? My full account name is Hondoyota_CarBro, more Hond than oyota

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > Wheelerguy
07/22/2018 at 11:58

So I take it you believe I'm not real?

Wheelerguy > Mike Manly
07/22/2018 at 13:00

No, no, no, the James May account.

Wheelerguy > HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute
07/22/2018 at 13:01

I'm not referring to you. I'm referring to the James May account.

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > Wheelerguy
07/22/2018 at 13:27

Ooohhhh. My bad.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Eric @ opposite-lock.com
07/22/2018 at 19:13

“Mike WoManley”

jimz > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/22/2018 at 19:49

FWIW I thought the Mergio Sarchionne avatar made it even funnier.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > jimz
07/22/2018 at 19:50

I did too. I laughed my ass off when I made it. Especially since FCA had already complained, I knew this would likely really annoy some dude in D etroit.

Hot Stuff > Eric @ opposite-lock.com
07/22/2018 at 22:55

Manly Mike

Stef Schrader > Mike Manly
07/22/2018 at 22:58

hahahahahahahaha

(clever lack of “e” here, I suppose)

Stef Schrader > HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute
07/22/2018 at 23:07

SHHHH. Part of the fun is guessing who, dude!

(...ma ybe it is time for me to start that Prandreas Preuninger parody account. )

Stef Schrader > Mike Manly
07/22/2018 at 23:08

what you need is a festive hat

Stef Schrader > Mike Manly
07/22/2018 at 23:20

I support this photo change, FWIW.

Stef Schrader > James May
07/22/2018 at 23:21

aaaaay

Stef Schrader > James May
07/22/2018 at 23:22

(...you know what you did and what you’ve gotta do to fix it)

Takuro Spirit > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/22/2018 at 23:45

I'll miss you Mergio. Rest In The Most Italian Of Pepperonis.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > Stef Schrader
07/23/2018 at 00:45

I’m starting an account called Steph Shraderr

She hates Porsches, racing and puffalumps. Driving scares her and she can’t wait to by an autonomous, hybrid SUV

InfiniteAntar > Mike Manly
07/23/2018 at 07:28

If you do end up having to change your name, I vote “Manly Manley. ” For the avatar, maybe photoshop his face onto the Putin-on-a-horse pic?

Kahless > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/23/2018 at 10:33

if you got the attention of the man himself you were doing something right.

Elon's Musk > Eric @ opposite-lock.com
07/23/2018 at 10:34

Mike Lessmanley
Or

Mike >Manley

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > Kahless
07/23/2018 at 10:36

I get a fuzzy feeling that me, some 26 year old in Vancouver, agitated the CEO of a major corporation. Even if it was fleeting, I was a part of his life for a brief moment.

Kahless > InfiniteAntar
07/23/2018 at 10:36

or just switch it to Manly Mike

Future next gen S2000 owner > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/23/2018 at 10:45

I always assumed the Mergio was a play on the fact that the man was trying to merge with literally everyone it seemed.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > Future next gen S2000 owner
07/23/2018 at 10:46

It worked on a few levels. That was a component.

BrownManualWagon > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/23/2018 at 12:29

I assume you are retiring this out of respect for Sergio stepping away due to health issues.

Classy end to a hilarious year-ish of content. Bravo! You still doing your own site?

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > BrownManualWagon
07/23/2018 at 12:32

I am retiring it for that reason! I don’t have my own site, my best stuff is here on Kinja: https://oppositelock.kinja.com/tag/best-of-cofl

BrownManualWagon > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/23/2018 at 13:05

Are you on the east coast or the west coast? I thought I recalled reading someone’s work from here that had their own site and lived on the east cost. My bad.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > BrownManualWagon
07/23/2018 at 13:06

I’m in Vancouver, BC. West Best Coast!

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > Stef Schrader
07/23/2018 at 13:34

[deleted]

Future Heap Owner > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/25/2018 at 02:03

I really suspect that I will have an FCA vehicle in the not too distant future. I have a thing for quirky underdogs.

Stef Schrader > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
07/25/2018 at 15:58

I still have the banhammer.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > Stef Schrader
07/25/2018 at 16:11

I uh... Don’t.

OldKingCole > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
09/10/2020 at 08:25

Yes, it is satisfying. I once had the VP of Pepsico hang up on me in anger. Yes, the big dog. Of Pepsi Corporation.

There was a bottle cap promotion where if there was some code under the cap, you would win something. After reading the rules thoroughly, there seemed to be some ambiguation concerning prizes and how they would be won. I contacted customer service numerous times and talked to several people who couldn’t explain it to me. Feeling unsatisfied, I dug a little deeper. After an hour of chasing links around the internet, I found a list of Pepsico’s top officers, along with their contact information.

I thought maybe the President would be too busy to take my call, so I settled on the VP. Not surprisingly, his secretary took my call. I asked for him by name, in an authoritative manner. She said he was in a meeting. I asked her to have him call me back at his earliest convenience. I left my name and phone number. She asked “so he knows who you are?” I responded “damn straight he does.”

I expected it to end there. Surprisingly, he called me back. I was a little startled, but launched right into my questions about the promotion. I still remember his reaction to this day...20 years later: “Do you have any idea how busy I am? How did you even find me? You’re calling me about a FUCKING BOTTLE CAP?” At the all-caps point, he was screaming into the phone. He then hung up as hard as he could. I enjoyed quite a bit of heavy laughter. Looking back, I bet that poor secretary got punished for letting that happen.