Facebook Dating Sucks: a rant

"CB" (jrcb)
08/18/2019 at 14:40 • Filed to: Single ladies of Saskatchewan hit me up

So, being a single unattached male who’s in his mid-20s, lives in the middle of nowhere, and has a job which is not great for meeting people, I decided to try my hand at the online dating scene.

I went with Facebook dating because: a) it’s been the most visible, because it appeared in my newsfeed the moment me and my ex broke up, and b) it was the lazy and easy option. After ten minutes of using it, I deleted it and vowed to never use it again, because it’s that bad .

Firstly, it makes it clear that hey, anything you add to your profile and dating are completely separate from each other. You change your employment on Facebook, you have to change it on Dating separately. Which means that this integrated app feels, well, less integrated.

Second, you set your profile. If you miss anything it wants you to fill out, it pesters you that your profile is incomplete. It seemed pretty mad that I never put in my grad school, even though I never went. And it automatically pulls photos to show. Guess who had to delete photos of him and his ex from his dating profile?

Third, you set your preferences, which Facebook promptly ignores. I set a range of three years younger and older than me, which Facebook immediately decided 32 was within the range of that from 24. Also, didn’t want someone with kids, and most of the people I was seeing had kids.

So, after setting my description (“I’m into photography, cars, and bad jokes”), I flipped through the app, which shows people one at a time, with such profile descriptions of “I’m a little bit psycho”, “NOT A SLUT”, and “420 friendly”. At that point, I figured I was wasting my time, deleted the app, and started looking at speed dating events in nearby cities, because at least that could be fun.

Moral of the story, no matter how bad dating in rural Saskatchewan can be, Facebook Dating can somehow make it worse.

DISCUSSION (67)

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > CB
08/18/2019 at 14:47

facebook has a dating service???

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > CB
08/18/2019 at 14:50

Does “not a slut” mean they adopt the No Scrubs anthem of TLC, or does it mean they believe in abstinence-only sex education?

Dating or not, “420 friendly” unfortunately usually means: “my room and car are always hotboxed and I think Grandma’s Boy was better than The Godfather.”

“I’m a little bit psycho”... Sounds kinky, but there will be a price to pay.

CB > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
08/18/2019 at 14:51

In Canada, yes!

Azrek > CB
08/18/2019 at 14:51

Wait till you get to 40...it only gets better....and worse.

CB > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/18/2019 at 14:52

I wish I had answers for you. Also, a little bit psycho means they’re psycho. Probably not the fun kind, more the “I carved my name into your car because I saw you with another woman” kind.

CB > Azrek
08/18/2019 at 14:52

I hope I’m not single that long!

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > CB
08/18/2019 at 14:53

Well to be fair, if you ever step out on someone you’ll be glad you got keyed versus murdered in a crime of passion.

CB > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/18/2019 at 14:55

True.

fintail > CB
08/18/2019 at 15:03

The middle of nowhere part must be the killer - been single over 2 years now, and 95% of the time I am still reveling in the freedom and drama-free life.

Azrek > CB
08/18/2019 at 15:07

Kinja'd!!!

412GTI > CB
08/18/2019 at 15:09

Never knew Facebook had a dating app but not surprised it’s terrible. I just had a tinder relationship end yesterday so I understand the struggle, most of the apps are annoying.

jimz > CB
08/18/2019 at 15:09

you get used to it.

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
08/18/2019 at 15:17

Go get you sum buddy

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > CB
08/18/2019 at 15:18

Try being single and 33 :/

I’ve got to try and get into the dating game at some point. :(

BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind > CB
08/18/2019 at 15:25

I’ve had a few relationships that started organically in real life as well as a few that were formed from a dating app. The dating site ones always felt forced and, honestly, boring (even several months in). I think it’s because it’s almost like accepting a job - logical, yes this will work sorta thinking. The organic, both reach for the last bunch of bananas and see sparks in your eye, style seems to be more fulfilling.

Or I just need to live inside a Woody Allen movie.

Dusty Ventures > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars
08/18/2019 at 15:33

Kinja'd!!!

XJDano > CB
08/18/2019 at 15:35

The heart looks like a ladies urinal device.

Just Jeepin' > CB
08/18/2019 at 15:37

Single for 16 years (with a very brief ill -fated relationship about 12 years ago).

So, uh, I have no advice worth giving.

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Dusty Ventures
08/18/2019 at 15:44

Yup....my issue as there aren’t a lot of women in my area that are my type, and, sadly, that I don’t have the time to go out and try to meet people that often. Hell, I barely have time to even meet up with my friends! It is tres lame, pardon my French. :P

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > CB
08/18/2019 at 17:56

My succ ess using dating apps and going to dating events for 5 years: Multiple relationships of varying degrees of unhappiness, punctuated by moments where I was happy, but also lot of hurt and general feeling like this is just how relationhips and marriage go

My success going to a non-dating focused event and making some jokes to the girl next to me: 2+ years of actual happiness and wondering how in the hell I thought the previous relationships were worthy of my time.....

Sounds cliche, but even in a population dense area, dating apps and services have either given me nothing, or have given me people who probably shouldn’t be dating ANYONE.

E90M3 > CB
08/18/2019 at 17:58

Have you tried any of the dating apps? Like tinder, bumble, hinge, coffee meets bagel? Yes, that last one sounds weird, but I’ve actually had the best luck on there. Actually been seeing this girl from there for just under two months, and I had been trying to meet someone on the apps for over two years. I tried some of the pay sites, but they didn’t really seem to work for me; had a lot better luck with the apps, actually went on dates because of them. All I have to add is modern dating sucks, that and the fact that my sister met her husband on tinder.

CB > E90M3
08/18/2019 at 18:00

I haven’t tried anything else yet. But maybe further on in the fall I’ll give it a more serious go.

E90M3 > CB
08/18/2019 at 18:06

That's fair. I sort of figured I wasn't going to meet someone organically at this point in my life and I was not going after someone I worked with, again. So I went with the apps, no idea of what else to do.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars
08/18/2019 at 21:50

Aren't you pretty close to Halifax? When I was "living" up there I thought it had a great night life and I was meeting Canadian girls left and right. Which is odd because I'm not a crazy party guy, was just going to bars with friends/coworkers. Also, I am married, and of course I was a gentleman, but damn, to be single again...

Snuze: Needs another Swede > CB
08/18/2019 at 21:51

Oh, my young friend, if only you knew about the stoneage days of Yahoo dating...

CB > Snuze: Needs another Swede
08/18/2019 at 21:54

Oh gods.

Nibby > E90M3
08/18/2019 at 21:54

have you tried dating anything other than an E90 or E92?

Snuze: Needs another Swede > CB
08/18/2019 at 22:11

Because I’m feeling generous, here’s a sample:

Got stuck having sex in the back of a WRX in a park one night while a black bear prowled around outside. Yahoo Dating!

Had to bail a girl out of jail after she threw another girl through a window at a house party. Yahoo Dating!

Had a girl tell me about how her ex-boyfriend ended up in prison, then ripped her top off, yelled “I’m so lonely” and tackled me. Yahoo Dating!

CB > Snuze: Needs another Swede
08/18/2019 at 22:16

One of those stories is reasonable and I would be “okay” with occurring.

It’s the black bear one, by the way.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > CB
08/18/2019 at 22:18

You say that, but in the moment it's pretty intense.

CB > Snuze: Needs another Swede
08/18/2019 at 22:20

Yeah, it’s not desirable, but out of the three, it’s realistically not that bad.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > CB
08/18/2019 at 22:23

True.

There are more stories , but they are generally less funny-crazy and more sad-terrible.

CB > Snuze: Needs another Swede
08/18/2019 at 22:24

Funny-crazy stories are definitely better.

CRider > CB
08/18/2019 at 23:06

Not a slut, but didn’t say anything about being a white supremacist, Russian bot or man.

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Snuze: Needs another Swede
08/19/2019 at 07:48

I’m an hour away from Hali, yes. It does have a decent night life, but most of those folks are younger early-mid 20's university students at this point. I’m not a crazy party guy at all either, but it would feel odd going after girls that much younger than me...

A lot of my friends live in the city, but they are already married or have girlfriends, so I’d be going solo and I am a pretty quiet guy, so that wouldn’t be the most pleasing thing. :/

E90M3 > Nibby
08/19/2019 at 08:35

Yes.

Nibby > E90M3
08/19/2019 at 08:59

have you tried me?

E90M3 > Nibby
08/19/2019 at 09:04

No.

Nibby > E90M3
08/19/2019 at 09:06

Snuze: Needs another Swede > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars
08/19/2019 at 09:56

There’s always the elusive grad student. They are a bit older, but tend to be busier and don’t go out as much. But they exist.

Ever think about asking any of your friends if they (or their significant other) knows someone? I guess it comes down a bit to how much you trust your friends judgement to pick someone that would be a good personality match , but it can be good . My two best relationships were basically “referals. ” In high school a female friend set me up with her friend and we ended up dating for 4 years (until I went in the Navy). Then I had a bunch of wacky misadventures in early internet dating (see my replies to CB above). Then my mom and sister set me up with a young lady they rode horses with, and now she’s Mrs. Snuze. Sometimes it just helps to have someone in your corner.

Ash78, voting early and often > CB
08/19/2019 at 10:43

Just don’t change your profile to “CRUISING FOR BEARS” or you might not get what you’re looking for.

Ash78, voting early and often > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
08/19/2019 at 10:44

I thought facebook WAS a dating service.

and 100 more > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/19/2019 at 11:41

Hey, sky’s the limit, man.

Mercedes Streeter > E90M3
08/19/2019 at 13:03

TIL: People have actually gotten lasting relationships from Tinder. Well would ya look at that! lol

I don’t recommend Plenty of Fish. There are so many fakes and bots mixed in with real people it’s extremely infuriating. Also wouldn’t recommend Zoosk unless “barely legal” is a trait you find positive in a match. lol

Mercedes Streeter > Snuze: Needs another Swede
08/19/2019 at 13:04

Yahoo dating? HA! Try the hellscape that was (is?) Craigslist dating. That was and remains one of the lowest points in my entire life...

Textured Soy Protein > CB
08/19/2019 at 13:05

Your first mistake was not messaging everyone with 420 friendly in their profile.

Mercedes Streeter > CB
08/19/2019 at 13:16

Facebook dating? *shudder* Hopefully it’s not as awful as trying to date from Craigslist was for me. Those days were the darkest for me and dating...In fact, I think my #4 top upvoted post on Reddit is from r/ForeverAlone. Oof.

Who knew that some boobs and pills would change everything for me! xD

In all seriousness, I’ve had a lot of “success” getting dates from OKCupid. It’s one of the few platforms that hasn’t adopted EA’s style of microtransactions for everything and the matches I’ve gotten over the years have been fantastic in all sorts of ways.

I’m still waiting for the relationship I get into that actually lasts, but for now I’m happy that I’m able to experience a wide variety of different people, all offering something awesome I’ve never experienced before.

And yeah, I guess I could have met people in an “organic” fashion, but my lifestyle doesn’t really support it. I’m pre-op and only interested in women, yet I generally gravitate towards a social life and events generally dominated by men. The trans part is also a huge factor as a lot of cis people really aren’t all that interested in us, narrowing the dating pool even further. And I’m not about to change my hobbies just to meet people. lol

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Mercedes Streeter
08/19/2019 at 13:35

I went on one Craigslist date and it was an anomaly. It didn’t work out romantically but we actually became good friends.

But based on the stories I’ve heard from others, I can only imagine how bad it could be.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Mercedes Streeter
08/19/2019 at 13:39

I went on one Craigslist date and it was an anomaly. It didn’t work out romantically but we actually became good friends.

But based on the stories I’ve heard from others, I can only imagine how bad it could be.

CB > Textured Soy Protein
08/19/2019 at 14:07

My career, unfortunately, is not 420 friendly (unless I have a month off).

E90M3 > Mercedes Streeter
08/19/2019 at 14:29

I’ve heard of second hand accounts that people have successfully found someone with one of the apps.

The four I’ve listed are the ones I’ve used.

Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom > Snuze: Needs another Swede
08/19/2019 at 17:22

Because I’m feeling generous, here’s a sample:

Ya know, I’m not seeing ANY of these scenarios playing out where you don’t get laid. If this was for sympathy, you’re doing it wrong friend..

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Turbineguy: Nom de Zoom
08/19/2019 at 17:45

2/3

First one I dated for a while and she was a freak! Second one was okay but things went south after the jail thing. Last one occured on our first date, it was really bad for many reasons and I noped out of that one so fast.

Chariotoflove > Snuze: Needs another Swede
08/19/2019 at 18:13

I was all set to nod my head in sympathy for you, and then I read your examples.

You’re alive, you have stories, and the stories include you getting laid. You won.

Chariotoflove > CB
08/19/2019 at 18:19

They used to say you were most likely to meet the person you marry at work (similar interests, close proximity to get to know one another, etc.). That’s where I met my wife. But one of the unfortunate side effects of our current culture that protects women in the work place is that we are all more inhibited about approaching coworkers. So then dating apps flourish as one of only a handful of other ways to meet people. Only, using a dating app is still seen kinda in a pathetic light, so most don’t want to admit to doing it, and there are the pitfalls of wackos and the joys of potential identity and data theft.

It’s a wonder anyone finds anyone else any more.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > CB
08/19/2019 at 18:42

Online dating generally sucks. I’ve only gone on a couple of dates using OK Cupid but they didn’t feel right. There are definitely people out there who’ve used online dating and just “click” but alas, that apparently isn’t going to be me.

I’m in my early thirties and have been dating, but damn, finding that someone is tough. Last woman I dated was pretty, smart, and shared similar interests but I was totally put off by the fact that she almost always talked about work or her studies. The similar interests were only superficial and I couldn’t engage in a more interesting conversation with her, no matter how I tried.

I really wanted to love her, I really did. Then I started questioning if I’m being too picky or if my standards are too high, but the reality is that I didn’t feel the incredible desire that I had with other women.

Side note: WTF is “food” as an interest? I always assumed that it was a love of cooking as well as stupid stuff like Masterchef , but a lot of younger women seem to think it just means eating out (and I like to do that in either sense) but jesus fucking christ, really, you’re interested in food?

RPM esq. > CB
08/19/2019 at 19:54

I flipped through the app, which shows people one at a time, with such profile descriptions of “I’m a little bit psycho”, “NOT A SLUT”, and “420 friendly”.

So, exactly like every other dating app except that it gives Facebook even more personal information.

CB > RPM esq.
08/19/2019 at 20:05

I'm just going to move to Cumberland House at this point and become a hermit.

RPM esq. > CB
08/19/2019 at 20:17

Should be plenty of beaver up there.

I T’S AN OLD FUR-TRADING SETTLEMENT GET IT

CB > RPM esq.
08/19/2019 at 20:18

This is now my favourite comment.

imadick > CB
08/19/2019 at 20:22

So like all online dating? This is why I stopped dating, I’ve had a better ROI working on myself and my business rather than chasing women.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > RPM esq.
08/19/2019 at 20:23

COTD COTW

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute
08/19/2019 at 20:37

*furiously deletes all the dank memes on his FB*

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
08/19/2019 at 20:59

No you got it all wrong....the dank memes will work on the right girls

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute
08/19/2019 at 21:01

My meme collection is too dank for the average person

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Snuze: Needs another Swede
08/20/2019 at 15:14

Late reply, but true. Maybe I’ll see if my friends know anybody...

MorganZ > CB
12/30/2019 at 03:20

I tried FB dating for 3 hours and ended up deleting my profile. I didn't want someone with kids either and of course 9 out of 10 had kids. Also no filter for race, body type, smoking etc. It was a fat fest of sloppy, gross men. One "man" was wearing a mini skirt with his cheeks hanging out. Um yeah NO! Bumble is just as bad but at least FB was free.