"ImmoralMinority" (araimondo)
08/03/2019 at 10:44 • Filed to: None
1
10|
"ImmoralMinority" (araimondo)
08/03/2019 at 10:44 • Filed to: None | 1
| 10 |
Yhe kids had their first performance for the end of band camp. It lacked polish (unsurprisingly) but the music is really good and I am excited for the kids.
Holy shit, these parents. I gave a little speech at the start explaining that booster organization needs mainly volunteers for fundraising, and a smaller number for on-site help at competitions. When I explained that the parent organization does not run the program and that we were there to support the program and its directors, you would have thought I was Martin Luther nailing his theses to the door of the church. Meanwhile, the band directors were practically dancing a jig when I said they, and not the parents, are best qualified to run the band program and they are in charge.
Some parents, let’s call them “the sane ones,” told me they were really happy. My wife got tons of volunteers from this group to sign up for fundraising , many of whom told her they did not volunteer in the past because the parent organization felt cliquey and unfriendly.
The other group of parents, let’s call them “the shitheads” are none too pleased with me. The directors had explained to me that one of their problems was an insane number of parents chaperoning, “helping” with uniforms, food, and other on-site activities at marching band competitions. It is too many people, and it is driving the directors crazy. Not surprisingly, with 3 professional educators (the jazz band director loves marching band and helps), they feel capable of wrangling and supervising the kids with less parental involvement. No more than 12 parent volunteers at each competition. This seemed reasonable to me, especially because it was set by the people who are actually trained and educated in working with kids. I do not have such training, and am not qualified to make the call.
Some of the shitheads have staked out portions of the on-site volunteers as their personal territory, like handling the uniforms. When I told them of the limitations, they were cold and clearly unhappy but didn’t say much. They tried to argue a little, but I told them that the decision had been made by the band directors and they would have to talk to them of they did not like it. One said she did not think 2-3 people can handle uniforms, and I said, “the directors seem to think they can.”
According to my wife, as soon as I walked away to go to the pavilion to give my little speech, the shitheads started talking shit about how I can’t tell them what to do. Actually, I can.
It would seem that these shitheads want to engage in a battle of wills in some sort of low-wattage conflict. I am well trained and qualified for THAT
There are a lot of nice parents who have been hiding from these shitheads, in my view. Once I bring them out of the woodwork, the shitheads will be isolated (yesterday they were off by themselves grumbling) and their negativity will isolate them further. It’s sad - all they are going to accomplish is making themselves unhappy.
farscythe - makin da cawfee!
> ImmoralMinority
08/03/2019 at 10:49 |
|
tl;dr
ranwhenparked
> ImmoralMinority
08/03/2019 at 10:51 |
|
As someone who spent the bulk of his career so far working in a youth serving nonprofit with a substantial volunteer base, I can say that parents are responsible for at least 4-5 times more problems and aggravation than their kids.
fintail
> ImmoralMinority
08/03/2019 at 11:38 |
|
Kind of surprised band parents sound as shitty as sports parents.
Then again, it’s the same thing so maybe not a surprise.
FLmanisback
> ImmoralMinority
08/03/2019 at 11:46 |
|
Ten year soccer coach, three year surf team coach, three year cross country coach, and way in t he past (in my 20s) baseball coach. Coaching is different than what you do, but I’ve lived in this world, both as a coach and a team manager. I will tell you t hat, as a coach, over involved parents are a drain on the team.
It sucks to be you, but you are doing the right thing. The kids don’t need parent advocates. They also don’t need parents hovering. It distracts the kids and hurts performance. Since it’s band, I’m assuming high school. Once the kids are that age, it’s time to start learning independence. That doesn’t involve parents. It involves learning to listen to other people besides parents.
I’ve had many parents who backbite in my coaching experience. The minute you walk away they are criticizing. And it makes t heir kids critical. Wish I had a good solution, but I’m also an engineer. When I apply any sort of logic, parents sometimes have a hard time wrapping their heads around it.
My standard response is, look, this is not your sport. It’s for your kids. Let’s not all ruin it for them by over complicating things. I’m sorry if I’m not doing this well. But I’m trying.
Basically, once you say that you struggle, and are trying your best, it takes he wind out of their sails. Personally, no, you aren’t sorry and you are doing a better job than they would have done. But once you criticize yourself, they don’t like to pile on.
AestheticsInMotion
> ImmoralMinority
08/03/2019 at 13:00 |
|
Sound s like dealing with an HOA when there's a small subset of entrenched "lifers" who enjoy their small measure of power a little too much.
DipodomysDeserti
> ImmoralMinority
08/03/2019 at 13:40 |
|
It sounds like these people have entirely too much time on their hands. My brother was in marching band and the students handled everything themselves. The drum majors were in charge of organizing everything with the help of each instrumental head (not sure of the correct term).
I played baseball and it was the same way. The parents just showed up and watched the games, with one parent coaching our fall and winter ball. The coaches got us our gear and we handled taking care of the field/dugout/cages and essentials like water/snacks. The independence led to some questionable antics, but no one died.
His Stigness
> ImmoralMinority
08/03/2019 at 13:46 |
|
I think I understand why my mom never got into the booster crap when my sister was playing basketball. But I know she still dealt with parent drama. When I graduated high school the celebration was more for her than it was for me. All five us went to the same school, so after twenty odd years she was DONE.
shop-teacher
> ImmoralMinority
08/03/2019 at 14:51 |
|
You, sir, are awesome.
My bird IS the word
> ImmoralMinority
08/03/2019 at 15:08 |
|
The kids will enjoy it more with less supervision too no doubt.
SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media
> ImmoralMinority
08/03/2019 at 19:31 |
|
Has it occurred to you that ‘the shitheads’ and those in unions that you punch on against may actually be the same sort of people?