"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
07/11/2019 at 16:15 • Filed to: a rant i guess?
4
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"Chariotoflove" (chariotoflove)
07/11/2019 at 16:15 • Filed to: a rant i guess? | 4
| 41 |
I contacted the meet director, per protocol, to offer to officiate at a long course swim meet this weekend. I’ve worked with this lady before, and she evidently remembers me. I got this reply:
We never turn officials away, however, your work would be limited. By that I mean, the start end is up on a platform, and the turn in is up on the bulkhead. You cannot see the touches and turn efficiently from behind the wide platforms. I don’t think you could get your wheelchair up there to judge the swimmers.
We will be walking on the side, but both sides will have coaches and swimmers and not much room to navigate. In addition, I’m not sure yet if the one side will have blocks in. If so-there is no room for the wheelchair to navigate by the coaches. The opposite is a little better but again with a large meet, going up/down the side will be difficult. So that leaves the 15 meter mark on the strokes where that is required.
I have mixed feelings about this reply. On the one hand, I think it comes from a (mostly) good place of trying to help me avoid frustration and waste of my time (or that’s how I choose to read it). On the other hand, my blood temperature always r
ises a few degrees whenever someone makes assumptions about what I can and can’t do. After all,
I’m
the one who’s
been rocking this wheelchair for 31 years.
I know this natatorium pretty well. That’s why I chose to serve this weekend. I can’t get up to the start blocks because there are two steps. Everything else I can do and have done.
I told my daughter about this, and her reaction was to laugh and say that I pretty much have to go now. So, I replied with an email in a very appreciative, cooperative tone that I will be there on Saturday morning.
I f there is anything constructive I want to say from this, I guess it’s that we should remember to listen to people when we need to know what they can do, rather than put limitations on them with our assumptions.
That’s all. Here’s a water car for your time:
Ash78, voting early and often
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 16:19 |
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I don’t think you could get your wheelchair up there to judge the swimmers.
“I know I could never reach your vantage point for a proper place of judgment, but I’ll surely try.” :)
I think she meant well, but was overreaching. Maybe acknowledging that you know the place well, and that they’ll do their best to work with you, would be a more positive attitude.
random001
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/11/2019 at 16:23 |
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Damn, that’s good...
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Chariotoflove
> Ash78, voting early and often
07/11/2019 at 16:24 |
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Yes. And I have to be fair here. In the couple of years I’ve been doing this stuff, that’s how it’s mostly gone down. It’s highly unusual (unique in this area perhaps) to see a guy in a wheelchair as an official, but up to now, everyone has always asked me what I can do and planned accordingly. I guess that’s why this surprised me so much.
RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 16:25 |
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“What, you haven’t seen my new robotic power armor?”
WilliamsSW
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 16:29 |
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I suspect she means well, but I also suspect that she likes to tell people what to do.
That could have easily been framed as a question about what you *can* do...
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Chariotoflove
> RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht
07/11/2019 at 16:30 |
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If I could get away with that, I so would. But I’d have to show up with something good, and this is short notice.
If I could lock Nibby and Borsuq in a room for a while, I wonder what they could come up with...
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Chariotoflove
> WilliamsSW
07/11/2019 at 16:32 |
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Your read is a good one. She’s a nice lady, but she is a fairly assertive personality.
HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 16:35 |
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Wait, you’ve been in a wheelchair for 31 years? That’s news. If you don’t mind me asking...what happened?
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Chariotoflove
> HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute
07/11/2019 at 16:39 |
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Heh heh, I forget sometimes it’s not completely common knowledge.
I was a bike racer in college. I got hit by a Pontiac head-on during a club ride. Broke my back. I was 20.
Also, I never mind questions. If you ever want to know something, ask away.
Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 16:42 |
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Can you send her a GIF?
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Chariotoflove
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
07/11/2019 at 16:47 |
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Oh that’s good. That’s very very good.
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HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 16:48 |
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Damn. I can’t even imagine what that would be like. At least you’re still around though, of course. And yeah, shame on the director for underestimating you.
edit: also holy fuck here I am talking to someone older than my dad and grandpa like my equal. The internet is truly an interesting place.
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Chariotoflove
> HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute
07/11/2019 at 16:50 |
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Sometimes I can’t imagine it either.
She’ll learn better soon enough. :)
XJDano
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 17:04 |
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TIL....
I don’t know if I had mentioned my late uncle before. He had a work accident that broke his back. After a few years, went to college, then law school, became a workman’s compensation lawyer, eventually settled his own case.
After becoming a lawer, he became diabetic, lost his eyesight, and had multiple other complications. H e also tought workman’s compensation class at SLU Law for a bit before he couldn't.
He was an inspiration to everyone he meet. And although he was never a father he was a father figure to all his nieces and nephews.
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WilliamsSW
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 17:05 |
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She probably convinced herself she was doing you a favor...
Svend
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 17:06 |
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I think it comes from a good place but could of been worded better and also followed up with, ‘however, if you have any questions, concerns, response or anything, I am here to talk or we can meet at the location and discuss how we can better suit the occasion for each others needs and requirements’.
While it’s easy for a fully able bodied individual to see limitations on a person less so, but they need to be reminded that individuals that are less able bodied face these situations all the time and have learned in the most part to overcome them, while others can be so easily alleviated with just a little assistance.
Arrange a meeting at the location and you can both talk and visualise each others concerns and requirements better.
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Chariotoflove
> WilliamsSW
07/11/2019 at 17:14 |
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Most people do.
Nick Has an Exocet
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 17:16 |
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Honestly, I think what she did was screw up on the tone. It really should have said most of the same things but more “We’d love to have you here. We know this can be a tough one for you, so we really appreciate it.” Sometimes good people write bad responses. Heck, especially me.
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Chariotoflove
> XJDano
07/11/2019 at 17:18 |
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Says a lot about our legal system that you can get through law school before settling your own case.
Historically, we have lots of ailments waiting for us in the wings as we age. We have to pay even closer attention to our health than the average joe. At least preventative rehabilitation medicine is getting better. For too long, it has been reactionary rather than preemptive .
Your uncle sounds like a neat guy who made the most of what he was given. People like that are a blessing in all our lives.
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Chariotoflove
> Svend
07/11/2019 at 17:20 |
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I think that’s a good take.
That meeting will take place around 7:30 Saturday morning. I plan to be there early.
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Chariotoflove
> Nick Has an Exocet
07/11/2019 at 17:22 |
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Yeah, she’s a nice lady, in my experience. I’m not mad at her. Sometimes I do get a tiny bit frustrated, but then that’s why I do things like type this post. It’s a tool to work through things so I’ll restore a nice positive demeanor.
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Svend
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 17:28 |
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It’s so easy for a letter like this to come across as negative because in the most part it is listing issues.
While some issues can and will be finite, the majority of them needn't be and they can be an opener for a conversation.
smobgirl
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 17:28 |
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Not to turn away from the point of your post, but hell yeah to your daughter for her response!
Sovande
> HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute
07/11/2019 at 17:28 |
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Wait. How old is your grandfather?
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Chariotoflove
> smobgirl
07/11/2019 at 17:33 |
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Not at all. That’s the ultimate point of my post, really, if there is a point . We’re trying to raise her to believe in what people can do, not pigeon hole them. I was so proud at her response, because it tells me we’re doing something right.
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HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute
> Sovande
07/11/2019 at 17:37 |
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You’ll get a kick out of this. He’s 50. But he’s my step-grandpa on my mom’s side, and her real dad’s uncle or nephew or some shit . It doesn’t make any sense, so I’ll put it this way; Guyanese people are weird as fuck. (source- my mom and her whole family are Guyanese and I’ve known/lived with them my whole life until now)
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Chariotoflove
> Svend
07/11/2019 at 17:41 |
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Sometimes people can get into the trap of thinking, “this is extra trouble I have to deal with on top of everything else.” What I do is approach a situation not as causing extra work for anyone, but to figure out how I can be a resource. See, too much of disability advocacy traditionally focuses on getting society to spend effort accommodating us. That’s an easy slope to a victim mentality that isn’t the healthiest. We’ve progressed in this generation to a point where we can be thinking of how we can bring our talents to best advantage.
So, I show up with a problem solving attitude, assess the situation honestly, and offer what I can bring to the table.
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Sovande
> HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute
07/11/2019 at 17:50 |
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I don't get a kick out of that at all. It does nothing for me.
ST80MND
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 17:51 |
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‘Chariotoflove’ was a pretty decent tag to begin with, but now it’s a very kick ass moniker. I did not know you were equipped with wheels.
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Chariotoflove
> ST80MND
07/11/2019 at 17:55 |
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Thanks! I stumbled onto this Jalopnik thingie 5 or so years back, and decided to make a burner account. At the time, this is what I could think of. When my wife and I were dating, I used to tell her to “ come here and take a ride on my chariot of love” (said in a caddish tone of voice). I didn’t think I’d be using this account for so long.
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Svend
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 18:01 |
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Nice one.
Ye’, I went to a school with a lass who has a musculature issue in that her back was almost folded back on itself. She had friends but she also pissed off a lot of people because they had to bend to her. Her father liked that she was empowered to act but also wanted a weekend where he wasn’t fielding calls from the press and media because as she got older she actively started going out to see where issues lay.
I can see both sides and both sides have people who want to just get on with life and help , while others only want to help themselves, others don’t want to have to do anything and others want everything done for them
I’m of the opinion of, ‘just ask’. Is it even an issue, can the issue be remedied (ie can it be removed or worked around), can it be corrected if not now, at a later date but as soon as practically possible.
I hope the meeting goes well and you can both put any and all concerns at rest.
Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 19:46 |
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You’re taking it well. Most people would have at least asked, “Oh will you be able to blah?” Or even naively, “you can blah?”
This was a pointed, “Yeah, I don’t think you caaaaan...”
TheRealBicycleBuck
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 20:39 |
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While I’m pretty sure you aren’t using an electric chair, I think it would be fantastic if you showed up in a tank chair.
Even better would be the standing chair for the additional height.
Some friends of ours have a son with SMA. He’s a little older than my son, but younger than my daughter, so they’ve always treated each other like cousins. What I admire most about him is his willingness and desire to try anything. Several years ago, he had an opportunity to go hunting with his dad. It required a special robotic mount for the rifle, but he was able to make a clean shot . It was an excellent day for him.
BaconSandwich is tasty.
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 22:07 |
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That sounds like the kind of engineering challenge that would be fun.
Note: I'm not an engineer, but if I had to choose another career, it'd definitely be on the short list.
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BaconSandwich is tasty.
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 22:08 |
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Say, now that would make for an interesting question/post: How'd you get your current username.
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HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute
> Sovande
07/11/2019 at 22:14 |
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Um ok, I was just making a joke because my parents are in their 40s and he’s only 50 but not directly my mom’s father so it’s not technically illegitimate, I guess . Why’d you ask, anyway?
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Chariotoflove
> TheRealBicycleBuck
07/11/2019 at 23:38 |
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That’s so cool that he was able to participate with the right tech.
I’m strictly a light weight manual guy, but if I could pull off an Exo-man and show up like this, how awesome would that be?
I’d rock that tank chair as a recreational vehicle though.
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Chariotoflove
> BaconSandwich is tasty.
07/11/2019 at 23:42 |
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I actually think it’s feasible with today’s tech, much more so that back in the 70s with Exo-man.
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TheRealBicycleBuck
> Chariotoflove
07/11/2019 at 23:47 |
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It would be awesome indeed.
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Chariotoflove
> BaconSandwich is tasty.
07/12/2019 at 01:27 |
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It would. I seem to remember we did that once?
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BaconSandwich is tasty.
> Chariotoflove
07/12/2019 at 12:33 |
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That does seem familiar.