Why Your Motorcycle Subculture Sucks: Harley-Davidson Owners

"Mercedes Streeter" (smart) 06/18/2019 at 18:04 • Filed to: None

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Are you over 6 0? Has your home business finally started paying out some cash? Do you feel like you’re getting old and thus need a bit of a spark in your life? Maybe you want to attract some younger women? Well, buy some overpriced branded leather and leave the helmet at home because welcome to the club.

(Disclaimer: This is a poor attempt at satire using obvious stereotypes. I actually really really really want to ride a Harley.)

Your subculture: Harley-Davidson Owners

Your Background: Back in your day, all the bad guys wore leathers, rode motorcycles, beat people up, and got so much tail. They demanded respect and made people fear them. Their steel horse? A Harley.

You played your life by the book. You joined the military as soon as you turned 18, opened up a small computer shop, married a woman like God intended, had 2.5 children, are an American patriot, and have sailed through half of your life with not much to write home about. You’ve long dreamed of the day you could be just like those bad guys you adored years ago and now you can actually afford it.

But what to get, what to get.. A Japanese bike? You’re kidding, right? This is AMERICA and we buy AMERICAN! Ain’t no rebel going to be seen riding a Jap bike. Besides, everyone knows HD is THE motorcycle brand.

The Bikes: Rocking iconic names like Electra Glide, Road King, Sportster, Street, Tri Glide, or VRSC (V-Rod), Harley-Davidson offers various ways to ever so slightly raise your heart rate. These bikes look basically the same as they were decades ago and their performance isn’t much better. Resale value is pretty great and the ownership base is massive.

Now that you finally have some cash in the bank and your nest is empty, it’s time to hit the open road. Maybe your wife will sleep with you again, too.

What’s new that sucks: Harley is in trouble...again. Well, can we really be surprised? The bikes haven’t changed all that much over the years, the competition is hot, and the used market is saturated with practically brand new bikes. As it turns out, trailering your bike to Sturgis and otherwise only riding a mile to the bar and back doesn’t really add up. Why buy a new Harley when you can get a used one with 500 miles for less cash?

They’re also throwing things at a wall and seeing what sticks instead of...you know, building bikes people outside of their typical demographic wants to ride. The Livewire is far too expensive and has far worse range than the far cheaper competition. Their new bikes look promising, but we’ll see if they’re another gem like the V-Rod or further failures.

What has always sucked: When it comes to performance for the price you pay, just about any other bike from any other brand will be better. These bikes are better put together, don’t shake so much that their mirrors are useless, and even decades old examples can beat your bike in both a straight line and in the twisties. Harley also has a problem with killing brands, like beloved Buell.

Even if you can get around how poorly these bikes can perform, maybe the owner groups are fun? Maybe, if you like to see an alarming Confederate flag to USA flag ratio. Like car groups, motorcycle clubs are historically a “fantastic” place to be if you’re a woman or heaven forbid, LGBTQ.

HEAR IT FROM HARLEY OWNERS!

“Our club is super tolerant. If those snowflakes can’t take racial jokes they shouldn’t be riding anyway. We’re not racist, see, there is even a black guy in the club!”

“Harley’s !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! BOYCOTT! GOD HATES THE GAYS, Harley is a TRAITOR. Looks like they’re also making stupid little scooters and an electric bike for those darn tree huggers. HARLEY should not be giving in to the DEMONCRAT agenda!”

“Can-Ams aren’t real bikes” (rides a Tri Glide)

“I’m a real biker. I ride my bike everywhere” (bike in the garage gets taken out once a week just to ride a mile to the bar)

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > Mercedes Streeter 06/18/2019 at 18:08

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(Disclaimer: This is a poor attempt at satire using obvious stereotypes. I actually really really really want to ride a Harley.

its coz they vibrate a lot isnt it?

you could just sit on your washing machine when its on and make vroom noises:p

benjrblant > farscythe - makin da cawfee! 06/18/2019 at 18:13

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farscythe - makin da cawfee! > benjrblant 06/18/2019 at 18:16

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i stand corrected

make brub noises

lone_liberal > Mercedes Streeter 06/18/2019 at 18:19

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I think you might have to adjust the age. If they were still attracting 40-somethings they might be selling some bikes but every Harley owner I know is at least well in to their 60s.

RPM esq. > Mercedes Streeter 06/18/2019 at 18:20

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This is both an excellent example of the form and way, way too nice to about 50,000 boat salesmen and accountants who own Harleys and faux biker cuts, but also do not own motorcycle helmets. I’ve been to Arizona, so I know .

Mercedes Streeter > lone_liberal 06/18/2019 at 18:31

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Fair point! Done xD

Tapas > Mercedes Streeter 06/18/2019 at 18:31

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Don’t forget the accessories!

That way, when they aren't riding their garage queens, they can still brag about them though the Harley purse, belt buckle, oversized shirt or jacket.

Mercedes Streeter > RPM esq. 06/18/2019 at 18:32

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Hehe, all true! I wanted to leave it lighthearted enough so that I wouldn’t start a war in the comments.

Mercedes Streeter > farscythe - makin da cawfee! 06/18/2019 at 18:33

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Hmmm... I mean I did deeply enjoy my Buell when it worked and it vibrated even more than the Sportster that birthed its engine!

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > Mercedes Streeter 06/18/2019 at 18:37

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lol was a little worried i went to far there

hope you get to ride one some time :)

AestheticsInMotion > Mercedes Streeter 06/18/2019 at 18:48

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I’ll keep my leather fetish behind closed doors, as God intended.

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > Mercedes Streeter 06/18/2019 at 18:50

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but isnt that the whole point?

jimz > Mercedes Streeter 06/18/2019 at 19:22

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What has always sucked: When it comes to performance for the price you pay, just about any other bike from any other brand will be better.

when it comes to the United States, motorcycles are toys. Expensive toys, but toys just the same. And people buy the toys they want, not the one which has a bit more of this for the price, or does the same thing and is that much cheaper. nattering over price/value is for commodities/essentials, and motorcycles are neither. The people who sit around and bicker about “why would you buy x when you can get y for $ z less?” never actually buy anything themselves. they’re just like every other internet bullshitter who loves to talk a big game but never do anything.

jimz > lone_liberal 06/18/2019 at 19:23

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I’m 42 and on my second one. 

jimz > farscythe - makin da cawfee! 06/18/2019 at 19:25

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kidding aside, the vibes are gone. the touring bikes are mostly counterbalanced (a little jiggle at idle was left in, but they smooth right out) and the Softails are 100% counterbalanced.

the Sportster still shakes like the dickens, but it’s probably about to be killed off in another couple of months. 

just-a-scratch > benjrblant 06/18/2019 at 19:39

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potato potato potato potato potato  

Tipofthespork > Mercedes Streeter 06/18/2019 at 20:15

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I love my 05 night train and 11 street bob. I rode Aprilias and ducks up until 2010 and got my first Honda 500 back in 1984. As long as you love what you're on, you're in the right place.

Mercedes Streeter > jimz 06/18/2019 at 21:06

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I take it you missed my disclaimer lol.

I mean, I'm  someone who drives a car that is the perfect example of “worse vehicle for more money”. :)

DipodomysDeserti > Tipofthespork 06/18/2019 at 21:36

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I don’t recommend partaking in  Night Train and motorcycles at the same time.

SiennaMan > Mercedes Streeter 06/18/2019 at 22:05

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The truth in what you say is why I don’t think HD will survive.. I’m in my early 40s and have thought about taking up riding, but if I did it’d likely buy something East Asian. There’s just too much cultural baggage that you’re not projecting on a Honda/Kawasaki/Yamaha/etc..

PyramidHat > Mercedes Streeter 06/19/2019 at 00:49

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Buddy in Portland had an XB12 lightning...riding it made me want to do bad things...paint shaker below about 2000 but then it smoothed right out...

Pickup_man > Mercedes Streeter 06/19/2019 at 13:19

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Nothing you said here is wrong, but as you well know it doesn’t apply to every Harley rider.

I don’t know what it is, but there is just something about a Harley. I had a 883 Sporty for a while and while it was objectively a not very good bike, and didn’t stand out from the millions of other Sportsters out there something about it just felt special, and riding it brought me a joy that no other bike has before or since. A few have come close, but none quite get there. So while my Warrior was a massive upgrade from the Sport ster, and is the best bike I’ve ever owned, in the back of my head there’s still a constant little voice telling me to buy a Street Bob/Wide Glide.

As for being associated with the stereotypical Harley rider, well, they’re pretty easy to avoid. Wear regular old gear and you’ve already set yourself apart. Hang out with your friends who ride other bikes and avoid the stereotypical Harley crowds at bike nights and poker runs and no one will give you a second glance.

I hope you can get on a Harley soon! Check for when the demo truck will be in your area, they bring the whole line up (with upgraded bikes as well) and the only possible thing preventing you from riding every single one is time, and other people reserving the bikes before you do. I’ll let you come to your own conclusions, but I highly recommend trying  the Softtail Deluxe, I’ve never done a harder 180 on the way I’ve felt about a bike. 

Mercedes Streeter > Pickup_man 06/19/2019 at 13:41

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Of course! I know there are plenty of cool Harley riders out there. There’s not much in the way where I live (lots of the “let’s ride to a bar” types) but Chicago is brimming with bike groups. And the brand itself has gained a MASSSIVE amount of respect from me with their Pride efforts. I mean, they’re basically spitting in the faces of much of their core demographic.

I’ll most likely just go back to the HD museum in Milwaukee. They seem to have a permanent Demo setup for the weekends. Plus, it’s a museum so I’ll love it anyway. Maybe I’ll discover what makes people love them and complete my conversion from city girl to country girl. xD

McMike > Mercedes Streeter 06/26/2019 at 18:22

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Why buy a new Harley when you can get a used one with 500 miles for less cash?

LOL @ 500

This was the 2016 I bought three months ago.