Why Your Automotive Subculture Sucks: Focus ST Owners

"RPM esq." (rpm3)
06/18/2019 at 13:55 • Filed to: Why your car culture sucks

After !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! like his dad, CB laid down !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! I couldn’t refuse. Also, this is about Focus STs because I don’t know shit about Fiesta STs and can’t tell them apart except that I know there isn’t a fast version of the Fiesta . Also, I am dumb.

Your subculture: Ford Focus ST drivers

Your background: Now that you’re 27 and have a real professional career-type job, it’s time to reward yourself with your first new car purchase. You’ve worked somewhat hard for about a third of your life to sort of maximize the opportunities your comfortably middle class parents provided by getting decent grades at your pretty good suburban high school so you can get into a decent college, and then to get passing grades at your decent college so you can get a decent salaried job with a cubicle and a computer and health insurance.

As long as you get your work done—and Excel does half the work anyway, really—your boss doesn’t look over your shoulder all day, so you spend half of it on car forums arguing over whether the “M-sport” trims irreparably dilute BMW’s “M” heritage; whether a 350-horsepower Supra, in today’s market, really qualifies as a performance car; and whether people who buy new cars instead of engine-swapping E30s or daily driving Italian classics are really Car Guys at all. You scoff at the idea of BMW piping engine noise into the cabin.

The minivan your parents handed down in high school (on the condition that you drive your sister to soccer practice) is long gone, the Civic you bought after college is reliable but boring, and now it’s time for something sporty that really shows that you, a Car Guy with impeccable taste, have arrived.

The car: A practical, front-wheel-drive economy hatchback that sold millions all over the world, except it’s the sporty version with a manual transmission and a 2-liter four-pot turbo’d up to 250 horsepower, and it has racing stripes because SPORTSCAR. It is extremely practical and reasonably fuel-efficient, and it’s a new car with a new-car warranty so it’s more financially responsible than buying something used, and you’re definitely a real Car Guy because it has a manual transmission.

What’s new that sucks: It’s not the really sporty version, with AWD and 350 horsepower, because that costs like 40 grand and even though you don’t have any student loans (thanks mom and dad!), that’s a lot of coin to drop on a new car, but you’ll tell the internet that AWD is for pussies and controlling the torque steer in a turbocharged FWD car is where real driving skill lies, and anyway horsepower arm-wrestling is for dummies and you’ll definitely be faster in an autocross (if and when you buy a helmet and enter one) because LIGHTNESS, which is what performance is really about, something something Colin Chapman.

What has always sucked: Well, it’s a front-wheel-drive Ford hatchback. It’s a pretty good front-wheel-drive Ford hatchback, but still. From the outside, unless you rev it to the high heavens, it sounds like the Civic you traded in for it; on the inside, it sounds like toddlers banging pots together because it has something called (checks notes.... seriously?) Sound Symposer that pipes fake engine noise into the cabin. It contradicts every post you’ve ever made on a car forum, and now you have to live with joining the car world’s biggest community of hypocrites. Lean into it, god knows every other Focus ST owner has.

HEAR IT FROM FOCUS ST OWNERS!

“Horsepower numbers don’t tell the real story, the ST is really fast. Probably underrated. Ford always does that, I heard.”

“Everyone who drives something with less horsepower (Miata; BR-Z) is a pussy, everyone who drives something faster that they built themselves is too irresponsible with their money and their safety, and everyone who drives something with more horsepower that they bought is a poser douchebag.”

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

DISCUSSION (65)

Chariotoflove > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 14:01

Hehe. Shots fired.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 14:02

phew, thank god CB and I don’t drive Focus ST’s.

Crises adverted.

ps. I AM A REAL CAR GUY.

RPM esq. > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 14:03

Disclaimer: I have met CarsofFortLangley and he is very nice and mostly not at all like the stereotypical ST owner depicted here.

ETA: ADDITIONAL DISCLAIMER : I drive a Mercedes with flappy paddles. My body is ready.

Ash78, voting early and often > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 14:04

Well done, LOL!

This could pretty much apply to the GTI, as well.

“$ 7k more for the Golf R? Like I want that extra weight and complexity! Plus I can chip mine for the same power.”

*never gets around to chipping car*

#ForeverOvershadowed

AestheticsInMotion > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 14:04

Oh man. That was pure gold.

RPM esq. > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
06/18/2019 at 14:05

The only difference is that there is no fast version of the Fiesta.

Also, I am dumb.

ToyotaFamily > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 14:07

Missed the vape juice soaked seats.

RPM esq. > ToyotaFamily
06/18/2019 at 14:08

What do you think this is, a BR-Z roast?

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 14:09

“there is no fast fiesta”

Kinja'd!!!

RPM esq. > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
06/18/2019 at 14:12

Apart from yours, of course.

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > ToyotaFamily
06/18/2019 at 14:13

This is also applicable to GTIs and STIs and whatever other -TIs are out there.

AestheticsInMotion > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
06/18/2019 at 14:15

Slightly off-topic, but we need an Oppo review of your dad's beautiful vette

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 14:17

the Civic you bought after college is reliable but boring, and now it’s time for something sporty that really shows that you, a Car Guy with impeccable taste, have arrived.

Ouch. I’m going to have to walk that off. (Says the guy who traded his boring, reliable Civic for a Volvo C30)

Spaceball-Two > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 14:20

Attorney something something drives a Benz...

Ha ha just kidding. That was quite good

CB > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 14:29

Well, I'm 24, it's my first car, and I work a job with a lot of paperwork and health coverage. So not too far off for the Fiesta guys, either!

CB > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
06/18/2019 at 14:29

I mean, he hit the nail on the head pretty close.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > CB
06/18/2019 at 14:30

totally. Also, inadvertently offered up the greatest roast of all.

We are always living in the shadow of the Focus ST. Even in a post designed to mock us

CB > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
06/18/2019 at 14:31

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > AestheticsInMotion
06/18/2019 at 14:32

I can try. I’ve driven it a few times, but it is not comfy. My legs are far too long for it to be driven well.

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 14:35

It is true, I am a super huge poser douchebag.

Although to be honest you could replace Ford / Focus ST with Honda / S2000 and pretty much shuffle some words around it would be just as accurate.

ToyotaFamily > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 14:35

I think it’s safe to say there’s a large overlap of ST/GTI/WRX/BRZ ownership. Vaping is one of them along with, “Yeah bro, it’s stage 2.”

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 14:43

Great engine tho.

Kinja'd!!!

Amoore100 > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
06/18/2019 at 14:45

ft. the same B5254T as in the previous FoST :D

LimitedTimeOnly @ opposite-lock.com > Ash78, voting early and often
06/18/2019 at 14:45

Yes, works well for the GTI, also.

so you spend half of it on car forums arguing over whether the “M-sport” trims irreparably dilute BMW’s “M” heritage

Yep, sounds like me. I’m just older than the stereotype, so comfortable seats and a preference for no boy racer wing led me to the GTI over the FoST. But, dammit, I did then start autocrossing!

Pich, with Z32 now featuring Civic [Si] / No > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 15:05

i feel like this applies to anything <30k and is somewhat sporty

His Stigness > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 15:08

This is the best take EVER!!!!!!

Alfalfa > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 15:10

I always felt like the FoST was bought by people who like the idea of spending a couple thousand dollars more on like 6" more rear leg room which will probably never be used. Most journalists seem to agree that the FiST drives better.

412GTI > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 15:14

Ha, I think this applies to the GTI crowd more.

The Focus ST (in my area) tends to skew younger with more tasteless mods including blow-off valves, straight piped exhaust (which sounds like complete ass on these) and lowering springs. Resale tanks on FoST’s, so I think the early 20's crowd tends to pick them up for cheap.

Ash78, voting early and often > LimitedTimeOnly @ opposite-lock.com
06/18/2019 at 15:20

My dad is 71 and bought his 2004 R32 brand new.

He wouldn’t have been caught dead in an STI or Evo at the time. He said he outgrew all that plastic when he was 6.

His ride still smells like a brand new leather luxury car inside. And he often says “Sometimes I wish I had gotten a GTI because it’s lighter and a little nimbler.”

RPM esq. > Alfalfa
06/18/2019 at 15:56

The implied assumption here is that eventual ST owners are only choosing between the FoST and FiST, as if there weren’t other cars on the market. Which kind of fits, actually.

PanchoVilleneuve ST > Alfalfa
06/18/2019 at 16:40

As someone who bought a FoST over a FiST, it’s bought by people who are over 6' tall. My head touches the roof of a Fiesta, but not the roof of a Focus.

Tjanok > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 16:49

I drive a FoST, I’m 27, and my other vehicle is a built 700 rwhp cobra. I purchased it because after coming from a platform where the average cost of some decent headers are 1k, it was a breath of fresh air. But the stigma behind this vehicle sucks ass. I hate that I’m now grouped in with every other guy my age, a civic /suburu driving child. I almost exclusively drive the mustang on nice days to avoid it.

RPM esq. > Tjanok
06/18/2019 at 17:05

Drive what you like, I don’t judge. Much . I just wanted to try my hand at writing one of these.

Future Heap Owner > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 17:23

I enjoyed this a lot. Well done!

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 17:27

Bought my FoST at 27 after buying a Fiesta ST at 24. The ST community is........special.

Honestly I kept reading the article and was waiting for the roast. You went pretty light on the car and the culture, so let me add some spice to this.

*ahem*

OH! YOU WANNA MOD YOUR CAR BUT YOU HAVE NO TOOLS AND YOUR APARTMENT COMPLEX “WHISPERING MEADOWS” WON’T LET YOU DO ANY ENGINE WORK? NO PROBLEM!

WINDOW VENTS!

Kinja'd!!!

Yeah, be cause why try to improve the car’s appearance but accidentally ruin it when you can just purposely fuck it up for just 150$. Good fucking job.

Here is every new member’s first post on Focus ST groups and forums:

“ MY NAME IS TAYLOR AND I JUST GOT A FOCUS STTTTTTT!!!!!!! GUYS WHAT MODZ DO I DO FIRST MOTOR IS WEAKSAUCE LOLOLOLOL”

And here’s every user’s second post:

“Guys I did a pull the other day and it made this noise.....is that normal?”

Focus ST - Brought to you by cheap insurance and expensive tires.

Focus ST - The official car of listening to a Joe Rogan podcast on your way into the office, slightly hungover, after playing one too many rounds of cornhole at Devin’s place and he busted out the high gravity microbrews

Focus ST - Still not a mustang.

M.T. Blake > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 17:30

Tell me how you really feel.

RPM esq. > M.T. Blake
06/18/2019 at 17:44

It may surprise you to learn that humorous posts on the internet are not always reliable indicators of their authors’ true feelings.

M.T. Blake > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 17:48

What?! No...

alvester > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 19:37

Ouch, but dang... you funny.

OmerCarrothers333 > ToyotaFamily
06/18/2019 at 20:08

God, I hate vaping and energy drinks. Why can’t you people smoke dried tobacco as God intended.

Fuckin pansies.

Jr1010 > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 21:30

I got x plan(which is not the best of the Ford discounts) and stacked loyalty cash and incentives which brought me down to just shy of 21k on my 16 and then 18 FoST. The only other thing as fun to drive I could find brand new for that much or less was the FiST. Nothing else compares for those prices. The BRZ was a disappointment. The gti also disappointed me. I liked some of the used higher trim mini’s, but as I said, no other brand n ew cars could match the fun and price of the ST’s ...I wish my parents paid for my school

wafflesnfalafel > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 21:49

They are really nice looking cars with big time funsies, but the ergo was just weird for me...

ECDMuppet > RPM esq.
06/18/2019 at 23:03

I like my FoST.

I traded in my civic for one. Don’t regret it. It’s a good balance between practical and performance, and I don’t need more because I don’t care enough about cars to drop 40k on something that’s ten times more likely to kill me when driving it like I stole it from a Columbian drug cartel.

Neener.

RPM esq. > ECDMuppet
06/18/2019 at 23:20

I assume you’re unfamiliar with the WYTS format , but at any rate I’m glad you like your car.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > PanchoVilleneuve ST
06/19/2019 at 01:14

I’m 6'2

Kinja'd!!!

Shoop > RPM esq.
06/19/2019 at 02:19

Oh fuck is this my future?

Jealousyisugly > RPM esq.
06/19/2019 at 04:12

Just wondering... What does the writer of the article drive?

Paduse > RPM esq.
06/19/2019 at 06:10

You can’t tell the FiST and First apart? Well... basically everything you said applies (coming from a FiST owner)... loved it so much I bought a second one

Just Jeepin' > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely
06/19/2019 at 07:26

HEY HEY HEY. Keep your aspersions against the S2000 outta here.

Although the only one I’ve ever driven was stupidly low and mind-numbingly loud, so, yeah, owners can be idiots.

buttdyno > RPM esq.
06/19/2019 at 09:30

Real quote from FocusST.org

“Honestly for the most part, yes, you buy the BOV of your choice mainly for sound. The typical “car guy” hears a blow off and immediately starts drooling. It’s an amazing sound to guys like me and people instantly think “oh sh*t that thing is sweet” and I’ve gotten approached a bunch just from them hearing my BOV alone several times.”