I won at Rental Car Roulette.

"If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent" (essextee) 05/01/2019 at 11:21 • Filed to: None

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I can already feel my dick getting bigger, and I have a strange compulsion to buy an American flag. Also, holy shit. When I booked a “Mustang or similar” I expected whatever it was to be a V6. Nope. Budget gave me a full-fat muscle car for just $10/day more than a Fiesta.

Brand new, too. It has 3,500 miles on it.

Reports of this car’s biglyness are not exaggerated. Feels like I’m sitting in a bank vault.

3point8isgreat > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:34

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This is the best kind of rental surprise.

I had the same thing happen the last time I rented a car. First I laughed at how cheap it was to rent. Then on the drive to where I was staying I kept thinking “this thing sounds really aggressive for a V6.” Then more laughing when I got to my destination and popped the hood to the word “Hemi” all over.

TheRealBicycleBuck > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:34

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I’ve had several Challengers, but never an R/T. Color me jealous.

Aremmes > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:35

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They say that the fastest car on a track is a rental car, but holy shitsnacks did you get a bigly go diggly. It’s even got the yellow air dam corner guards still in place .

functionoverfashion > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:35

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RIP OFF THOSE YELLOW THINGS LIKE A BANDAID

or don’t, you know, because rental

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:37

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YELLOW CAPS

Arrivederci > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:37

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I always try and book “Mustang or similar” too. I almost always end up with a V6 base Mustang. At least in Miami they gave me a bright yellow loaded Ecoboost .

ItalianJobR53 - now with added 'MERICA and unreliability > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:38

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Welcome to the club :)

https://oppositelock.kinja.com/hemi-boat-rental-car-1832432644

fintail > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:38

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Have fun! I had a Hertz Scat Pack in November, nice noises:

For Sweden > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:38

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ArrSlashTee

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:38

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“I can already feel my dick getting bigger”

that's called an erection, or in laidmans terms a boner

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > TheRealBicycleBuck 05/01/2019 at 11:40

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I'm actually a little scared now. This is the most powerful car I've ever driven by about 120hp.

CalzoneGolem > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:40

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lol @ shipping protectors.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:40

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Did you find yourself muttering “build the wall” and adding #maga to your social media posts?

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute 05/01/2019 at 11:41

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No, I mean it’s actually gaining in girth

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Arrivederci 05/01/2019 at 11:43

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I wouldn’t have minded a Mustang ‘v ert, honestly. I'm in NC where it's sunny and 75 degrees   

nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:45

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Meanwhile my ass got stuck with a Versa Note while I was down in Florida. My shoulders were nearly too wide for it. Though it did only sip about a gallon of fuel after an hour's worth of driving. 

MonkeePuzzle > functionoverfashion 05/01/2019 at 11:46

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and sell em... take a photo of the to be removed before delivery thing and tell them you were doing them a favour

MonkeePuzzle > MonkeePuzzle 05/01/2019 at 11:46

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if the radio still had the little plastic film cover on the screen you wouldnt feel bad taking that off a rental...

TheRealBicycleBuck > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:47

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Pro Tip: Don’t stomp on the gas with the traction control turned off, especially when turning or exiting a parking lot.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > TheRealBicycleBuck 05/01/2019 at 11:48

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I don't intend to.

punkgoose17 > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:50

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That is a nice upgrade. I got upgraded from a Jetta or similar to an Altima last weekend. Enterprise was asking 40 more for a Mustang or similar, so I went with the “intermediate” sized car. Since only a Jetta is “intermediate” sized an upgrade was likely.

Eury - AFRICA TWIN!!!!!!! > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:54

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Tear those damn yellow things off. The world will thank you.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:55

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Hot damn! Go burn some rubber for us.

412GTI > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 11:59

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Now that’s a cool line-up of rental cars. Wrangler, Challenger, & XC90! Enjoy it, the Challenger is fun once you get used to the bigly size. 

Snuze: Needs another Swede > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 12:31

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Counter-point:  Do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!

ranwhenparked > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 12:32

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*Canadian flag - let's show proper respect for the handiwork of our brothers north of the border. 

Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness > TheRealBicycleBuck 05/01/2019 at 12:33

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Pro-tip to your Pro-tip:

Reach over and select track mode, then stomp on the gas. That bitch will have you glued in your seat.

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 12:47

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Seek help

Future Heap Owner > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 13:58

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Damn! I will keep this in mind next time I need to rent.  Smell you later, Enterprise.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > 3point8isgreat 05/01/2019 at 15:31

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I spent the first half hour babying it and mutterin g ohshitwhatdidtheygiveme repeatedly

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > punkgoose17 05/01/2019 at 15:37

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Last time I rented I got a Dart that, while I liked it, developed a CEL six hours into a weeklong rental. I wanted to exchange it but  the nearest Budget was an hour away from where we were staying. For the trouble they upgraded me to an Optima for free.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > functionoverfashion 05/01/2019 at 16:20

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I don’t actually hate them. Adds a splash of flair to the front end.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > ranwhenparked 05/01/2019 at 23:08

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N o.

ranwhenparked > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/01/2019 at 23:57

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Well, I mean, last time I checked, Brampton is in Ontario. 

And if you’re talking a Hemi, the engine hails from down Mexico way.