"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko)
02/28/2019 at 10:00 • Filed to: Why Your F1 Team Sucks 2019
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"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko)
02/28/2019 at 10:00 • Filed to: Why Your F1 Team Sucks 2019 | 3
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Some people are fans of Red Bull. But many more people are NOT fans of Red Bull. This 2019 Oppositelock team preview is for those in the latter group. This is also a poor knockoff of Drew Magary’s infamous and inflammatory yearly NFL previews. Read all the previews so far !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
Your Team:
Aston Martin Red Bull Racing
Your 2018 results: 419 points and 3rd in the championship. Even with 4 wins and multiple podiums they were still 152 points adrift of the second place Ferrari. This was the breaking point for Red Bull and Renault after an 11 year partnership and 4 championships in a row. All that didn’t matter. Renault and Redbull are done. Finished.
Your Car: RB15
Oh boy the livery continues for it’s 4th year in a row.
Your Team Principal: Christian Horner aka Mr. Ginger Spice, has been the team principle of RBR since Red Bull bought the team in 2005. Horner was also supposedly one of the key recruiters of engineering god and seer of air, ADRIAN FUCKING NEWEY OBE.
Your Drivers: Max Verstappen and Pierre Gasly
Max Verstappen is the young “Dutch” son of former failed F1 driver Jos Verstappen. Max became the youngest driver in F1 history in his first race appearance at 17. He’s also the youngest winner in F1 history when he won his debut race with Red Bull at the age of 18. He defines the young gun, but he’s also shown that he’s still a FUCKING CHILD:
His career has been defined by making the impossible passes and the stupid passes that he most certainly shouldn’t have attempted.
Frenchman Pierre Gasly was promoted to the senior team after his rookie year at Toro Rosso. Why was he promoted? Because Daniel Ricciardo left and Gasly is Red Bull’s next golden child. With these two, Red Bull has the youngest driver lineup of all the teams, should be fun to watch.
What’s new that sucks: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA is the new engine provideder of Red Bull. Yes folks, the builders of Alonso’s GP3 engine are back with a top tier team. Red Bull is already ranting and raving about how much better they are with Honda than they ever were with Renault. New girlfriends will have that effect on you. Honda’s power and reliability will be scrutinized more than ever this year by the media, even after a year removed from McLaren. If Honda’s VTEC doesn’t kick in, yo, Red Bull will have to find an engine supplier who isn’t in F1. Ferrari will not help them, Mercedes won’t help them, and Renault will never forget or forgive them. Maybe Cosworth will make a comeback...
What’s always sucked:
Steward Grand Prix was founded in 1996, and after being the de facto Ford works team, the were bought by Ford and renamed Jaguar Racing in 1999. Jaguar managed to do practically nothing and bought by Red Bull at the end of 2004. Red Bull went from underdogs to champions in 6 years, and the hatred of this team began. Oh and we can never forget Multi-Twenty
One
What might not suck: Honda might finally find the power they’ve been lacking since 1992, but Red Bull’s real weapon is Adrian Newey OBE who now has a new set of aero rules to exploit and cheat with.
Next up: Ferrari
Mini Guy- Now has a 4Runner
> Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
02/28/2019 at 10:06 |
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Oh god ferrari is gonna be great
I’m calling a lot of strategy miscues
Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
> Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
02/28/2019 at 10:11 |
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From what I could see on the mclerran special is basically Honda and the chassis builder don’t communicate until it’s time to mount the “power unit” in the car. And they are all surprised it doesn’t work.
BeaterGT
> Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
02/28/2019 at 10:43 |
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In before Honda’s first podium/win of the V6 Hybrid era...
punkgoose17
> Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
02/28/2019 at 12:36 |
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I am hoping to watch Red Bull suffer with engine problems, and McLare
n suffer with McLaren problems.