"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko)
02/22/2019 at 10:00 • Filed to: Why Your F1 Team Sucks 2019
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"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko)
02/22/2019 at 10:00 • Filed to: Why Your F1 Team Sucks 2019 | 2
| 9 |
Some people are fans of Racing Point. But many more people are NOT fans of Racing Point. This 2019 Oppositelock team preview is for those in the latter group. This is also a poor knockoff of Drew Magary’s infamous and inflammatory yearly NFL previews. Read all the previews so far !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
Your Team:
Jordan Grand Prix Midland F1 Racing Spyker F1 Sahara Force India
SportPesa Racing Point Formula One Team
Your 2018 results: 52 points, 7th in the constructors’ championship. Had it not been for being forced into administration by Sergio Pérez (because he wasn’t getting paid), getting bought by a consortium of super rich dude bros (chiefly one Lawrence Stroll), and then getting renamed from Sahara Force India to Racing Point Force India, this team would have been 6th or possibly 5th. However, when your F1 team is fucking broke because it’s owned by THE KING OF GOOD TIMES Vijay Mallya, who, according to his home country, is, brace yourselves, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
Your Car: RP19
The “Pink Panthers” are back, this time with blue paint from an African Sports Betting Company, nothing shady about that, nope.
Your Team Principal: Otmar Szafnauer, who returns for a tenth year. Good ol’ Otter Shatner here has been in the F1 game for a while and has actually been one of the more successful midfielders, Oats Andhoes is now even the CEO of the operation. One could say that Edmonton Oilers is the reason why Force India got the Mercedes package which has proven vital to allowing this team to occasionally fight for podiums. Backing up Omar Little is technical director Andrew Green and performance engineering director Tom Coughlin McCullough.
Your Drivers: Sergio Pérez and Lance Stroll
Sergio “Check and Go Checo” Pérez is a fast driver who is known to be able to climb onto the podium at least once per season. This is because he’s one of the more aggressive drivers in the field:
Lance Stroll is here because his dad OWNS the team. You can’t convince me otherwise. “But he’s the youngest podium finisher ever,” you say, to which I respond, “Go fuck yourself, Lawrence.” Prove me wrong, but my prediction is that Checo white washes this Canuck.
What’s new that sucks: !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and while it’s always good to finish strong, starting the day off with your dick caught in a bear trap isn’t the best way of doing things. Well, at least they’re not Williams.
What’s always sucked: This was Eddie Jordan’s team, you know, and he will never, ever, let you forget it. Just how time is one flat circle, so is this team’s cursed financial background. Everytime things look bright and cheery and the spice flows, this team fights hard. Right up to the point the money runs out and they have to start all over again.
What might not suck: The cash looks more real than it has in a long time for this team, so expect the car to get upgrades and be punching with the front runners towards the latter half of the season.
Next up: McLaren
NYankee1927
> Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
02/22/2019 at 10:16 |
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Say what you want about Stroll owning the team, but this guy is my hero. He is the guy with a shitload of money actually going out and spending it on something. Arguably he is spending it on one of the most expensive things in the world. I wish more billionaires were like this. I know if I had that amount of money, I’d go buy an F1 team because I certainly don’t have the talent to be there any other way. I think most of us deep down are that way
Wheelerguy
> Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
02/22/2019 at 10:30 |
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TBH Checo is a fucking brilliant person. He fought for that team, and if it wasn’t for him For ce India would have ceased to exist. Their new sponsor seems shady, but really Pink Racing could use all the help they can get. Because this is arguably the most underrated team in 2010's F1. Always in the mix, always able to sniff and grab hold of podiums when they push hard.
I will root for them even if Lance’s dad can be considered a suspect in Ocon losing a seat (Esteban should go to Le Mans, really , worked for Hulkenberg) and I find it to be a sour point. Even just a podium—even just one win—can boost the stock of this team in an immense way. Unless McLaren, Renault and Haas turn out to be better than them.
smobgirl
> NYankee1927
02/22/2019 at 10:53 |
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I keep saying if I were to win one of the big lotteries, I’m getting into Indycar. I don’t care if it’s sponsorship of a driver or buying part of a team, I just think it would be better to be a millionaire with a point of focus and why not make that something I already like.
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smobgirl
> Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
02/22/2019 at 11:03 |
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Eddie Jordan.....ick.
Unrelated to the pepto team, I’ve been googling and couldn’t figure out the answer to this: As far as I can tell, Pietro Fittipaldi only has 15 superlicense points and has never raced F2, so theoretically he’s ineligible for a Free Practice license. Do those rules not apply to testing or is there another loophole that’s allowing him to drive? You may not know either but I’m not making a reddit account to ask them.
Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks
> smobgirl
02/22/2019 at 11:30 |
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Why not IMSA?
You can afford to campaign a competitive Porsche GT3 Cup or Pilot Challenge team (GS or TCR) for a couple million a year.
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Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks
> smobgirl
02/22/2019 at 11:41 |
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2019 license requirements changed. Free Practice Only licence only requires 18+, FIA A, and 6 races in F2 or 25 Super License points in the last 3 years. Also remember that FIA awards 2 bonus ‘safety points’ for any driver who avoids penalties for dangerous or unsporting behavior over the course of a season.
Also remember that he won the WSF V8 in 2017 and a Super does not expire normally. So you actually need to add up his points for 2014-2017; you get 37 points plus 4 bonus safety points for a total of 41.
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smobgirl
> Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks
02/22/2019 at 11:45 |
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I dunno, I just like open wheel racing. I’ll never have the money anyway so it doesn’t matter. :)
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smobgirl
> Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks
02/22/2019 at 11:49 |
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Ok, Motorsport reported in June that he only had 15 points then and he was unable to earn any more after he broke his legs, but there isn’t any official database to check against. Makes sense.
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Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks
> smobgirl
02/22/2019 at 12:06 |
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Yeah, licensing is a pain. However, I suspect he was granted his Super in 2017 or 2018 . He tested in November as part of post-season testing, before the Free Practice licenses went into effect, which also doesn’t cover testing.
FIA may have waived the normal point renewal rules due to the injury though, since he already had a commitment and an Indy 500 ride. But i t’s FIA. They just do whatever the hell they want anyway.