Fun versus Budgeting

"AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC" (addictedtom3s) 02/20/2019 at 23:14 • Filed to: None

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So after my last post I gave the Miata a more serious look. It’s making sense now to me. Do I still hate that there’s a circle-jerk around it? Yes. Does the reasoning for having a Miata make sense? Yes. Do I want one now? YES!

I also picture going on a road trip in the summer to Napa with the top down and driving the Miata. I am aware of how the top down experience dries your entire body and the sun is basically inescapable so I better have a baseball cap and some sunblock on.

Now to the sad side of this equation is I’ve come to the age where I desire a house more than anything so the entire fun car thing is on hold until I can get a house. This will be a while. The other thing is now there’s pressure to get married and have kids since I’m getting older. I honestly want all those things but I don’t feel the need to do it now.

The research says that millenials (me) are postponing getting married and having kids and I agree with that. The thing that bothers me most is my GF is more old fashioned and so is her family. She sees her friends getting married and having kids and thinks that’s what’s next. That’s not what’s next for me. I want to be financially prepared and at a good spot in my career before that happens. I also would prefer to live the rest of my 20's without having to pick up after an ungrateful little shit that breaks and/or stains anything nice. I’d also like to experience the world and not spend every weekend with family.

I guess I’m just tired and frustrated my life is not where I want it.

S2000 that I also want for your time listening to me ramble on without purpose.

gettingoldercarguy > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/20/2019 at 23:30

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Don’t rush life, it goes by fast enough on its own.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/20/2019 at 23:39

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Sounds like you got bigger things going on than a car. I am familiar with this tone!

If you’re not wanting to move forward with the house/marriage/family thing now , I really see no reason to postpone something that you would obviously enjoy. You'll end up resenting the whole process.

Milky > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/20/2019 at 23:39

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Well I’m 29 and broke up with my GF of 3 years not too long ago. But I’ m happy, and have a red ND Miata.

Shit could always be worse amirite?

NKato > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/20/2019 at 23:48

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That Miata in the first picture has more body roll than it has any business doing. 

Tohru > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/20/2019 at 23:51

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You sound a lot where I was in my 20's. I bought a $40k house when I was 24, which I still live at. Never did get around to the marrying or having kids.

Honeybunchesofgoats > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/21/2019 at 00:03

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I’ve drove from N.J. TO Knoxville with the top down in my NC in a day with the top down.  The amount I enjoyed driving with the top down more than made up for the horrible sunburn. 

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > NKato 02/21/2019 at 00:04

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I suspect it’s an uphill corner causing the extra body roll.

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > gettingoldercarguy 02/21/2019 at 00:05

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Agreed. That’s why I want to enjoy my late 20s. I want to just hang out with friends. Just drink late into the night while talking about our dreams and life. Those are some of my favorite nights. Unfortunately we’re all too busy to do it as often as we’d like.

wafflesnfalafel > Milky 02/21/2019 at 00:05

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absolutely right, it can always get worse (and quickly...) It’s all balance - now vs later, self vs other’s interests, stability vs regret, chandeliers vs track lighting. ...

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > Milky 02/21/2019 at 00:06

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Oh man, I’m sorry to hear that. But you’re right. It could always be worse and we should be thankful for what we’ve got. Tomorrow’s a new day and we can chase our dreams again.

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > Tohru 02/21/2019 at 00:08

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$40k house. Now that’s just impressive. The houses around here cost a fortune and they aren’t what you’d call move-in ready. I’d love to get a fixer-upper to work on during the weekends but even those cost a small fortune. And then when you get to the cheaper end the houses get really small so you can’t even just fix it up. There’s absolutely no square footage to live in.

Chariotoflove > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/21/2019 at 00:13

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So, you’re saying you want to join the circle jerk? ;)

You don’t need to necessarily get married in your 20s to be a grown up . It’s great if you’re ready, but if you’re not, it could be the biggest detour in your road to happiness. Being a grown up is really about knowing yourself and understanding your place in life.

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/21/2019 at 00:14

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I would imagine with all your house posts.

So here’s the thing, I do want to move forward with the house and possibly the marriage. I just don’t want to lock into a marriage and then get pushed into family shortly after just because it’s the next step. I want to do it on my terms.

My biggest problem is they’re so free with it and so proud of their son who is amazing in their eyes. They base that performance evaluation on a bar that was set low. Yes, he has a large new house, however it’s 40 minutes away from the actual epicenter of our area (without traffic. 1.5 hours with traffic) . And then there’s the job thing. He had help and coaching through that.  

So I want to be better. I know it’s pointless,  nobody cares, and it’ll do nothing for me but I do derive satisfaction out of that. So that’s why I want to be better.

Milky > wafflesnfalafel 02/21/2019 at 00:16

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The lighting turn at the end made that hilarious .

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > Chariotoflove 02/21/2019 at 00:18

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I wouldn’t mind it. It’s quite lonely being an enthusiast with a car people assume is just for show. The GC is nice but people just dismiss that you actually care about cars when you disclose you own one.

I appreciate that. And I agree with that. I’m working on understanding myself and moving towards who I want to be. I just don’t want to identify myself as a spouse or parent just yet. I’ve seen people where that’s their entire identity and it just doesn’t appeal to me. I want a bigger purpose. I don’t want my proudest achievement to be someone else.

Milky > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/21/2019 at 00:18

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No need to be sorry, it was the right choice and you are correct. Each day is #blessed. I mean that genuinely and I am not religious.

Tohru > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/21/2019 at 01:32

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Mine is 900 square feet, but it’s in a town of 600 people and was a bank foreclosure and also in the middle of a remodel when I bought it in 2010. The bank had $65k tied up in the place and were very motivated sellers.

TheRealBicycleBuck > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/21/2019 at 07:04

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The problem is that you have competing timelines. Most people know after about two years whether or not the person they are dating is compatible for the long haul. I f you aren’t ready for a family but she is, consider letting her go so she can move on with life. If she’s the one you want to spend life with, have a long talk about goals and expectations and timelines. You may find the two of you are on the same page after all.

One thing to keep in mind: as she gets older, the pool of eligible men gets smaller. That’s one reason she wants to get married sooner. For men, it’s the other way around. You can wait because the pool of eligible women gets larger as you age.

I will, however, provide a cautionary tale about waiting too long to have kids. I watched my grandparents raise my uncle. My grandmother decided to divorce my natural grandfather in her late thirties, then she remarried and was pregnant at the same time as my mom was with me. My mom and my grandmother were 20 years apart. My uncle and I, 3 months.

My grandparents were tired. They had a hell of a time raising a child, especially when they were in their 50s and he was a teenager. He was never really disciplined because they were too tired to keep up. As a result, he was out of control. He nearly flunked out of school. He never made it through college. He ended up getting a girl pregnant. To support her, he joined the Navy. That was where he learned discipline and started finding success. They had four more kids together and life was looking good.

That was when he made some major mistakes and ended up committing suicide instead of facing the consequences. Now those kids are really screwed up. Only the oldest is in a stable relationship.

Biologically, you can have kids in your f orties, but my wife and I know a lot of couples who made that choice. I can’t think of one couple who doesn’t look worn out and unhappy most of the time . This isn’t a money thing. I’m talking about people who have enough to put their kids through private school.

I share this so you can uunderstand some of the ramifications of the choice you make. Most of the discussion around having kids is focused on women having the ability to have kids in their late 30s through their mid-40s. What they don’t talk about is raising kids in your 50s and sending them off to college about the time you are ready to retire.

The other option is not having kids at all. It sounds like that really isn’t an option for you with this girl. So, here are your choices:

Marry soon, have kids.

Marry soon, wait for kids, deal with family pressure.

Wait to marry, but let her go so she can get on with life.

No matter your choice, don’t blow everything on toys for yourself. Start saving some so you have funds for retirement and college funds for the kids you’ll have someday. A little in the bank now will pay off later. 

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/21/2019 at 09:42

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“ I want to do it on my terms.”

Your desires are valid, but so are hers. Sounds like you’re not yet completely committed to a life with your girlfriend, which is fine, but I suggest you figure that out first, otherwise you’re doing both of you a disservice.

No one should be rushed into getting married or having kids, but no one should get strung along by someone else for years either. 

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/21/2019 at 09:47

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It’s a fun car. Rent one soon and take that road trip.

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 02/21/2019 at 10:15

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Definitely agree I need to figure this out. 

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 02/21/2019 at 10:17

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I completely forgot about that option until you brought it up. Last time I checked Miatas and s2000s were reasonably priced on Turo. 

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/21/2019 at 10:18

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Do it... 

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > TheRealBicycleBuck 02/21/2019 at 10:21

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I appreciate this honesty. I agree I don’t want kids in my late thirties since they just get hard to keep up with as they get older. I was thinking early thirties would be an ideal time. 

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/21/2019 at 10:31

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I wish you luck. I’m 41, and have been married almost 19 years to a woman I adore. We waited until we were 29 to have kids, and our three are now 12, 10 & 6 (boy, girl, boy). We both have successful careers, but I’m a family man at heart (I’m one of 6 and love spending time with my siblings). Life with kids is hectic at times - right now we’re transitioning from basketball season to soccer season - but incredibly rewarding. Each family makes their own decision on what’s most important to them and where they spend their time. We see the value in team sports, but also make time to take trips and see cool places (we took a 2-week, 5000+ mile western road trip last summer ) . I take a driving trip in the spring and fall with friends, and also get out for a track day here and there.   I’d love to have more time for this (and I clearly would if I was single) , but I really can’t imagine life without my wife and kids along for the ride. I’m fortunate and thankful to have a rich, full life - I hope you can say the same soon.

TheRealBicycleBuck > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/21/2019 at 12:10

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Early 30s is indeed a good time. I just talked with a fellow who started early, had lots of kids, then had a “surprise” at 40. At one point he had a kid in grard school, another in college, two in high school, one in elementary school, and another in preschool.

Yeah, he looks tired.

merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/21/2019 at 13:03

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Ideal time to have kids.... that’s cute. But it does get harder the longer you wait. My wife and I waited till we were in our early thirties and it’s been nice. The money crunch that comes with kids hasn’t been a big deal, so one less stressor, but it’s tougher to keep up. We also had four in the span of about 6 years, so that’s it’s own kind of situation there, but I wouldn’t trade any of it for life before kids. It’s so much more with the little ones. I pine for the day I can buy a track rat car for a toy, but it’s not a big deal right now. At least I’ll have a pit crew to take with me when we get to that point.

Real bicycle buck’s choices were dead on and don’t waste time if the girl your with isn’t the one for you. It’s not fair to either of you. And yeah, patiences is key to the car thing. I gave up a few toys early on in the marriage but now, 10+ years in, I’ve got a fun ride to play with and a trio of boys to indoctrinate into the car culture, and that will bring some fun projects along the way.

It’s easy to make the fun for now choices, but you just have to be smart about it. And if you’re going to marry this girl, just get it done and move on your life together. If not, then just move on, but don’t go all toy crazy and buy a bunch of stuff that will put you in debt.

Good luck.

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/21/2019 at 13:28

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See I told you that my answer wasnt ridiculous haha. But more importantly, you can have your miata fun and still do all of those other things in life too. What were you thinking your budget could be for a fun car? I am sure you are overestimating what it might cost for owning and operating a Miata in that function. Having a shiny new ND would be nice and all but you could always look for an NA/NB or if you really wanted something newer, NCs are under $10k with low miles on them.

I am in the exact same dilemma right now. Girlfriend and I are looking to get married, we still have student loans to pay off, and would like to keep traveling and save for a house. Thankfully we are both in the “must be financially stable” boat but we also get the same pressure from others our age being together less time and already getting married. But anyways, it puts extreme financial pressure on expensive hobbies and makes me have to scrutinize “frivolous expenditure”. This the #1 motivation behind me trying to cobble together my janky Miata to keep it going as a dirt cheap track car. I cant spend the $5k+ needed for a nicer car because I should be putting that money into savings for an engagement ring asap. But I feel like its super important to get out on the track so that I can feel alive and continue to become a better driver. I just have to be smart about it and do it as frugally as possible.

Doesnt help that my other expensive hobby of skiing has been taking such a high priority. I need to focus more on cheap hobbies like hiking but its difficult with how good the snow is this winter. 

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) 02/21/2019 at 17:26

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Well I’d at least want an NC. I’m unfortunately funneling any spare funds into other accounts so the fun car is on hold. I was more fantasizing out loud. But yes, you were correct and gave an accurate answer haha.

I’m glad my GF and I are on the same boat about financially stable first as well. Sounds like you’re looking for a ring right now. Where are you looking? I have a friend who was on Blue Nile and gave me a bunch of info on diamonds. If you need help researching feel free to ask me. 

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > merged-5876237249235911857-hrw8uc 02/21/2019 at 17:30

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Yep you both pretty much outlined my mindset. I do want to proceed with this . I just want a house before I pull the trigger. Hence my slight frustration.

But you’re both right about having patience for now. Making fun decisions now would only detract from my end goals so I just have to focus and keep on my path. 

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 02/21/2019 at 17:43

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That’s great to hear that you have that. I honestly thought you were around the same age as E90M3.

Thanks for this. I appreciate the input. 

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/21/2019 at 17:56

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Well the ring tastes are high for my GF. She really doesnt want something more than a 1 carat but definitely wants something elegant while being simple. That’s just generally her style. We have looked together a bunch of times at her favorite store, Harry Winston as well as Tiffany for more affordable options. I mean the one that really spoke to her is like $13k but I am trying to discuss more affordable options. Considering what we make combined, its in our budget for sure but outside of buying my Subaru, Ive never bought anything quite that expensive. 

TheRealBicycleBuck > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/21/2019 at 19:32

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Keep in mind two things: mortgage rates may be more favorable if you are married and have two incomes; and you’ll end up selling the house if you don’t pick something she really likes.

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) 02/22/2019 at 18:25

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It may be worth your while to check out Blue Nile or James Allen. You pick a diamond based on cut, clarity, color, and size. From there you can filter based on the setting. The settings range from trendy to timeless. The diamonds are cheaper since they have no brick and mortar. All that garbage they feed you about lower quality diamonds being sold through Blue Nile are just marketing spin by brick and mortar stores. Reddit is surprisingly a good resource for researching diamonds and how to evaluate them.

If you’re willing to do research then look into the cut she likes and then find out what girdle, table, and fluorescence works best for it. On those two sites you can usually find a 1 carat for about 3k and a setting for another 1k. 

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > TheRealBicycleBuck 02/22/2019 at 18:27

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Agree on that front. My plan is to have us sign the legal paperwork when we’re both ready. That way we are legally married and have the necessary paperwork to both be on the mortgage and also get better rates and incentives.

The ceremony will be after that’s all done. It’ll also be nicer to end a wedding ceremony going back to a place we own than our own respective places as we spend the few months after looking for a place. 

TheRealBicycleBuck > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/22/2019 at 19:31

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We are old-fashioned, so we rented a house together a month before the wedding but I didn’t move in until after we came back from the honeymoon. I had to be somewhat mobile early in my career, so we didn’t buy a house  until  four or five years later. 

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/22/2019 at 19:38

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I’ll definitely check that out! Thanks