Humor me

"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer) 02/20/2019 at 15:02 • Filed to: None

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What is the stupidest thing a professor has said to you?

My teacher said to me, in full confidence, that the VW scandal was about their gasoline engines... not the Diesel ones.

He probably said other crazy shit but I’m not paying much attention to him whenever he starts walking around the room instead of showing us shit on the computer.

AestheticsInMotion > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:11

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“this community service project is completely optional and will not affect your grade, but I’ve got total confidence that I’ll see you all there! ”

WilliamsSW > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:12

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Not the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, but your story reminded me of a story from the summer of 1988, when I was taking Fluid Dynamics at the University of Illinois.

The 1988 Presidential election was in full swing, and af ter the end of class, the subject somehow turned to that. Someone asked the professor his thoughts, and he commented on how he was always very afraid of candidates who were great public speakers, able to sway the masses through the power of speech. As a result, he wasn’t a fan of Jesse Jackson - kind of a backhanded compliment, really.

Why was he afraid of great speakers?  Because he grew up in Germany in the 1930s.

ranwhenparked > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:12

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The middle class shouldn’t exist, it was created artificially by corporations to provide a market for their goods and services.

The Ghost of Oppo > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:13

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Like he was just misinformed/wrong about which engines were the cheaters, or does he think there is some greater conspiracy?

Spanfeller is a twat > ranwhenparked 02/20/2019 at 15:14

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I mean, It’s a pretty good reason why it should exist.

Spanfeller is a twat > WilliamsSW 02/20/2019 at 15:15

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Oh yeah, about politics... this teacher also said that the gas shortage would be the begining of the communist take over of Mexico.

I guess the dieselgate thing wasn’t the craziest...

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:15

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there were some petrol models affected, maybe he had one and got mixed up?

https://uk.reuters.com/article/volkswagen-emissions/vw-emissions-manipulation-also-extended-to-petrol-cars-bild-am-sonntag-idUKL8N1VO060

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > WilliamsSW 02/20/2019 at 15:15

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Good story.

I’m pretty sure Fluids was the one and only class in which I actually got a better grade than my girlfriend-now-wife...

Spanfeller is a twat > AestheticsInMotion 02/20/2019 at 15:16

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“It’s OK if your essay is under the minimum word count”

ranwhenparked > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:16

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I actually asked him if maybe we should send them all thank-you cards, if they really did it.

This was in an In tellectual He ritage class, btw.

Spanfeller is a twat > The Ghost of Oppo 02/20/2019 at 15:17

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He was left too much time out on the sun. He’s misinformed , but he says it with absolutely way too much confidence

smobgirl > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:18

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“If you want me to think you’re a serious student, you shouldn’t be working ” - when I asked for our online homework to have an extension until 2-3 am rather than midnight since I closed a restaurant nightly. Thankfully his TAs did all of his grading and he never connected my name and my face.

(This dude also had assigned seats in a 300+ person lecture hall and his TAs spent every lecture just taking attendance).

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:18

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Man... that’s some stupid shit he said. But it doesn’t surprise me.

The dumbest thing I’ve heard a teacher say to me was in a marketing class in university.

I was doing a marketing study case on Hagen-Daz.

The marketing ‘problem’ I had to study was essentially “changing tastes and a desire for lower fat deserts is hitting the bottom line. What should Hagen-Daz do?”

Note that this was over 20 years ago and before the time you had Hagen-Daz frozen yogurt or light versions of their ice cream.

And I essentially recommended they make yogurt and low fat versions of the unique flavours they had.

My teacher said “You can’t recommend things that don’t exist! ” which I thought was incredibly stupid at the time given that all the * components* to what I recommended did exist... it was just a matter of ‘integration’.

And now years later, what that teacher said looks even more stupid.

It was like Hagen-Daz read my report and/or was reading my mind because since then, they actually did come out with low fat and yogurt versions of their product... and quite successfully too!

But one word of advice... don’t let him hear about you calling him an idiot (or some variation thereof) until AFTER you’re done his class, gotten your grades... AND you’re sure you won’t have him as a teacher again.

Spanfeller is a twat > ranwhenparked 02/20/2019 at 15:18

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I mean the premise is correct, the middle class is artificial, and it often is the most important group for corporations. Why he thinks is so bad I don’t know...maybe he’d want us to revert into a scrooge-era E ngland

Spanfeller is a twat > beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard 02/20/2019 at 15:19

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No, he thought it was exclusively the gas versions.

Spanfeller is a twat > smobgirl 02/20/2019 at 15:20

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Jesus...

ranwhenparked > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:21

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The gist of it seemed to be, yes, that was a better time. 

Spanfeller is a twat > ranwhenparked 02/20/2019 at 15:21

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MSGA!

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > smobgirl 02/20/2019 at 15:22

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What a twat waffle

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:27

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well what a dumb dumb. Was he economics or engineering? or was this just a non- sequitur to the lesson?

One of my good friends is a professor, and at his wedding he accidentally jumbled his words and referred to his new bride as his “ first wife”

CobraJoe > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:27

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Had a psychology class where a professor asked for solutions to a theoretical scenario meant to inspire us to use a common tool in an unconventional manner, and he only accepted one “right” answer.

You can’t have only one correct answer when the whole premise is basically “Think outside the box”.

vondon302 > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:28

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Nothing like warping young minds.

I had one tell me we need to overthrow all Muslim countries because it's a warrior religion. This was around the first gulf war and really out context in a autocad class.

CalzoneGolem > smobgirl 02/20/2019 at 15:29

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Taking a ttendance in college is just the worst. I nearly failed an AI course due to missing too much class. I guess just showing I knew the material on the homework, test and quizzes was not sufficient . 

facw > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:29

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I don’t know if it’s the stupidest thing, but the thing that annoyed me most was this:

Left homework for the morning before an afternoon class (not a huge deal, it was a < 15 minute assignment.)

Power outage in CS building makes homework inaccessible.

Pop in to a sk professor for an extension (I probably wouldn’t even bother now, but I was less-jaded fist-semester freshman).

Was told that I should be more responsible and taken care of  it sooner.

Show up to class.

Professor says she doesn’t have our handouts because the power was out so she couldn’t print them.

I think to myself that maybe she should have been more responsible and taken care of it sooner.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:29

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I’ve successfully removed the true dingus statements from professors  from my head. I know that there were some, but nope, can’t quote any.

Spanfeller is a twat > beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard 02/20/2019 at 15:29

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He’s in engineering... and he’s a fucking asshole to everyone in the department. He was demoted once and I think he yet to be fired because of tenure(?). I’ll give him this: he’s quite good at Inventor.

Anyways, we’ve got a four hour class with him and he spends around 3:10 hours just talking to us about the old days when he worked in the industry.

Spanfeller is a twat > CobraJoe 02/20/2019 at 15:30

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inb4 the solution is always lithium

CalzoneGolem > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:30

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It wasn’t said per say but one professor  gave me a B on a final project I never turned in. 

Spanfeller is a twat > vondon302 02/20/2019 at 15:31

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Coincidentally, it’s also an AutoCAD class.

WilliamsSW > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 02/20/2019 at 15:31

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I absolutely HATED anything to do with t hermodynamics up to that point, partly due to bad teachers (shout out to Prof. White), but Professor Chato was great - approachable and a good teacher.  Oddly, he was apparently born in Budapest, so I’m not sure if he ended up in Germany or maybe tweaked the story a tad, but it’s moot now.

My X-type is too a real Jaguar > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 02/20/2019 at 15:32

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Sounds like a Market/Communications class I had in 1997, I suggested Albums were dead and all music would be going digital single song distribution. The Cd would be a Novelty like Vinyl was in 97. I was told “Memory is way too expensive to have digital music libraries at the consumer level”  

WilliamsSW > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:35

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Nope, you’ve already topped the dieselgate story! :)

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > WilliamsSW 02/20/2019 at 15:37

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“and he commented on how he was always very afraid of candidates who were great public speakers, able to sway the masses through the power of speech. As a result, he wasn’t a fan of Jesse Jackson - kind of a backhanded compliment, really.

Why was he afraid of great speakers? Because he grew up in Germany in the 1930s.”

That sounds like an interesting insight... and not that stupid.

And I have to say... Rob Ford, Hugo Chavez, Adolf Hitler and Donald Trump were/are great public speakers... and all of them lousy leaders for one reason or another.

But on the flip side, there have been many good/great leaders who were/are great public speakers too... such as Pierre Trudeau, Barack Obama, John F Kennedy, Martin Luther King and Winston Churchill.

And having said that, even the bad ones did some good things and the good ones did do some bad things/mistakes.

Pierre Trudeau, for example, was known to say ‘fuddle duddle’ and give people the finger from time to time:

WilliamsSW > CalzoneGolem 02/20/2019 at 15:38

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OK, I feel like there’s a LOT more to this story that I want to know...

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:39

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“Oh yeah, about politics... this teacher also said that the gas shortage would be the begining of the communist take over of Mexico.”

I suggest posing him a “what would you do?” question about how to deal with organized crime in Mexico stealing gasoline from pipelines.

Spanfeller is a twat > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 02/20/2019 at 15:42

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I don’t really want to hear him speak at all, but, I bet that if I posed that question he’d argue for using aeroplanes

“ You can’t steal it if its up in the air”

It does raise an interesting idea, using airships to transport fuel, but I guess that would be very, very dangerous.

WilliamsSW > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 02/20/2019 at 15:42

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I wasn’t very clear in my original comment, but what I meant was that his comment wasn’t stupid at all, it’s just that TAE’s post triggered that memory for me.

Great speakers are able to sway large crowds and influence them to do things that they might not otherwise do - - so it’s a bit of a coin flip as to whether they use that power for good (MLK, Churchill) or evil (Hitler).  It makes all the sense in the world for someone who experienced 1930's Germany to be afraid of them.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > facw 02/20/2019 at 15:48

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8. FACW speaks up “Maybe you should have been more responsible and taken care of it sooner.”

9. Teacher gives FACW look of death and asks him to stay after class

10. Teacher reveals that FACW’s boldness has gotten her all hot and bothered. From there, a steamy affair is consumated.

11. Administration finds out about affair due to that one jealous-asshole student who filed a complaint.

12. FACW and the teacher get booted out and resort to starting a join career in internet porn.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > smobgirl 02/20/2019 at 15:51

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Oh that reminds me... My grade 13 English teacher, with a privileged background, said that students shouldn’t be allowed to work and parents should cover all their costs.

We all collectively scoffed at that and told her to her face that not all parents can afford to do that... particularly in cases of divorce or in cases where one or both parents passed away.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > My X-type is too a real Jaguar 02/20/2019 at 15:53

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YOU’RE WRONG I TELL YOU... WRONG!!!! ALL THESE CDs I BOUGHT WILL HOLD THERE VALUE OR APPRECIATE IN VALUE!!!

*sobs*

/jk

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:55

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Yeah... especially since NiMH became pointless with the deliberate patent encumbrance by Chevron.

/jk

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > CalzoneGolem 02/20/2019 at 15:56

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Were there any ‘favours’ you did for that one prof?

;-)

t0ast > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:56

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My university had a rather notorious math professor. I quickly noped out of his Linear Algebra class after learning that it was “not [his] job to teach” us, homework would require an accompanying essay outlining the steps used to solve the problems throughout, and grades would be determined competitively (with no further explanation provided). The icing on the cake was this popping up on his internal homepage after many years of students voicing their displeasure online :

“My name and reputation were used by the owners of the web site RateMyProfessors.com, beginning about a decade ago, without my permission, and continue to be used, to this day. This helps the company that owns and operates this web site to generate a profit. Thus, I deserve be compensated financially, to the sum of $100,000,000. I am now ready to collect this debt.”

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > vondon302 02/20/2019 at 15:57

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“I had one tell me we need to overthrow all Muslim countries because it’s a warrior religion”

Ask him what faith was responsible for T he Inquisition...

PyramidHat > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:57

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I was taking a beginning programming class. The instructor was using huge logic jumps when discussing some programming procedures...well beyond what could be extrapolated. Someone asked if she could explain how she got from point A to point B. She asked “you want me to teach you every step?” Mind, this was a beginner class with no  prereq. 

PyramidHat > vondon302 02/20/2019 at 15:59

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“...and that’s how the Jews control everything!!!!111!”

“Yeah, great, but how do I thread this sewing machine?”

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 15:59

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I recall someone in the past talking about a teacher they had who claimed that a carburetor could do anything fuel injection could do.

Might that be the same teacher?

PyramidHat > CobraJoe 02/20/2019 at 15:59

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He wanted the solution to be Miata?

Svend > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 16:01

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Go back to him and say, ‘well why was it getting referred to as ‘dieselgate’ then?’.

I had an insurance assessor come out to look at a water leak under the kitchen the other month. Some of the soil looked to have been washed away (it turns out it wasn’t, it was when the previous repair was done, they dug underneath from outside and didn’t backfill correctly afterwards) and said, ‘soil can’t be washed away, because where would it go?’. I replied that the soil can be washed into small cavities underneath, etc... ‘you have heard of sinkholes haven’t you?’ I said to him. He said no, that can’t happen. He said ‘you can get lique faction in the soil from too much water’. I just had to stop and look at him, while I figured if he was a total idiot or ignorant. Then told him liquefaction is caused by tremors, earthquakes, etc... that cause the once quite solid but partially saturated soil to loose it’s strength and behave like water. He told me I was wrong and that was not what was happening here. Of which I replied, ‘I know, I’m merely correcting you’.

He’d been a Lloyds insurance assessor for two decades apparently.

jimz > smobgirl 02/20/2019 at 16:01

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yeah, I had a literature professor pull that line on me. It’s like, not all of us are here on a full ride, you know. Some of us kind of have to work in order to be able to go here.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 16:05

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“ I bet that if I posed that question he’d argue for using aeroplanes”

My brother, an Industrial Engineer, would take all of 5 seconds to shoot that idea down as not being cost-effective and inefficient ... and have the mathematical proof to back it up.

I would love to see an exchange like that.

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > smobgirl 02/20/2019 at 16:07

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This is just terrible advice from that teacher! Education is entirely worthless without work experience. In this case, its a job to make ends meet but that is also important. Cant focus on school if you are too busy starving to death because you cant afford food. Maybe if college didnt cost anything then being a student only would be feasible. But not everyone has parents to rely on for making it through school. Seems like quite the annoying professor.

Captain of the Enterprise > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 16:12

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I had a class one semester where the professor said in the first day that she liked to make fun of students. 

Mercedes Streeter > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 16:13

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What is the stupidest thing a professor has said to you? 

Instructor: *Says my dead name. * Not entirely sure where she got it from considering the college ’s Admins made sure only my new name was circulated to the Instructors.

Me: “Uh h i, I’m actually Mercedes. Your resources should have my new name on it?”

Instructor: (screaming in what appeared to have been an attempt to mock me) “I DON’T CARE WHO YOU ARE! YOU CAN CALL YOURSELF FRANK FOR ALL I CARE!”

*She then goes on an epic rant about how people like me want special rights.* During this rant she punches a desk and kicks a chair. It was so bad that my classmates were like “ chill out you freaking psychopath” to her .

ranwhenparked > vondon302 02/20/2019 at 16:17

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Well, I had a graduate instructor in an anthropology class devote over a month to a discussion of the Nixon administration. This was in 2006, and that was not in the textbook or the syllabus, he just went on a tangent and wanted to talk about that instead. Not really sure how relevant that was. 

WilliamsSW > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 02/20/2019 at 16:29

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And the Crusades...

412GTI > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 16:40

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Probably not the stupidest thing one of my professors said, but my academic advisors always questioned why I didn’t participate in after class clubs/activities . I would always answer “because I work so I can pay off my debt sooner”

The look on their face made it seem like I said I was doing drugs instead..

“Well you’re more likely to get a job out of college if you participate in these clubs”..nah my four years at Enterprise gave me way more opportunities than your stupid club. 

random001 > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 17:01

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Engineers are better than scientists because engineers have ethics.

Spanfeller is a twat > random001 02/20/2019 at 17:19

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I wonder about the ethics of Dieselgate 

vondon302 > ranwhenparked 02/20/2019 at 17:48

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Wow that's pretty nuts.

vondon302 > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 17:48

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Ouch or OW

Spanfeller is a twat > Mercedes Streeter 02/20/2019 at 17:54

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Yeah she seems like an asshole

Spanfeller is a twat > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 02/20/2019 at 18:33

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He also said that the train that they’re building next to my college has “serious” structural issues and that it would all collapse if an earthquake occured.

Well, wonder if the Meteo system has collapsed ever.... or the actual construction of this train 

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 20:46

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CAD e le ctive class, mostly seniour looking for an easy A : “ No drawing should ever be on more than one page” class gives puzzled look. “Why is that so strange” Answer from the back “anything bigger than a B or C is a pain in the ass”

Spanfeller is a twat > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 02/20/2019 at 20:47

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I don’t know. He did say that I should patent sodium filed valves I made for a proyect cus it’s a great idea

I think I have bad news for him...

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 21:08

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So he’s not aware of the “prior art”, eh?

smobgirl > Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) 02/20/2019 at 21:09

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He was an ass. He was also the dean of the history department and that’s why I don’t have a history degree. And yeah, I had to work or I couldn’t have gone to college. Bit of a long story, but my parents were in the middle of divorcing and kept screwing each other over financially  which meant no FAFSA for me (and thus no possibility of loans). 

smobgirl > CalzoneGolem 02/20/2019 at 21:11

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Yeah, at a different college I skipped my entire semester of chem lectures because I couldn’t stay awake in the class. We didn’t have an attendance policy - I just kept up with the syllabus and took the exams (and went to labs, obviously) . It was fine.

smobgirl > jimz 02/20/2019 at 21:16

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It was more surprising because this wasn’t a “good” school. They accepted anyone who would pay and weren’t known for their academics. Or sports. Or anything really.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > Spanfeller is a twat 02/20/2019 at 21:27

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another one, when I was about 7 my teacher insisted that Mercury was the hottest planet because it was closer to the sun, and gave me a detention cause I kept saying Venus was because of it’s atmosphere trapping the heat in .
This was in the dark days before everyone had the internet so I had to go to the public library and spent 20c to photocopy two E ncyclopaedia Britannica pages to prove her wrong.

Spanfeller is a twat > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 02/20/2019 at 21:32

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He’s very stange. My proyect was about F reevalve, and he insisted that F1 cars have been using Freevalve since the 80s... Literally the valves were only there of aesthetic purposes...

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Spanfeller is a twat 02/21/2019 at 02:15

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If they were Freevalve, it would also mean they would they would be camless.

But when I last checked, F1 engines most definitely had cams.

CalzoneGolem > smobgirl 02/21/2019 at 07:27

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This seems reasonable.

CalzoneGolem > WilliamsSW 02/21/2019 at 07:41

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We had this a djunct professor who had the personality of a dead fish. He was always losing stuff. He spoke in a boring monotone . He was teachi ng an 7:30 database class .

It was the worst class of my college career, and that includes the poly sci class I slept through the final of and had to take again.

We had a team final project and my teammate and I just couldn’t be arsed to do it. I’m not sure how we decided to just say fuck it but we were both agreed to not do it and focus on drinking/the rest of our finals.

Sometime after finals we ran into the professor on campus and he asked us about our project and my response was, “You didn’t get that?”

He must have assumed we did it and he lost it, looked for it a while gave up Or he decided he didn’t care to put anymore effort  into it
and just guessed at what he thought we’d get.

CalzoneGolem > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 02/21/2019 at 07:41

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Nah, no one liked that guy. 

i86hotdogs > Spanfeller is a twat 02/21/2019 at 08:52

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Engines 100 class professor proudly bragged that less than 40% of students will pass the class the first time. Class was unnecessarily hard; he would intentionally word questions to throw you off. For example:

“True or false: most or all V engines have an even number of cylinders”

Most OR all?

He had weekly 10pt. quizzes worth 40% of your grade. Attendance was mandatory (standard, no complaints there), but he would accept no excuse for an absence . I lost a days worth of credit attending my Grandfather’s funeral.

Finally, he also graded your “professionalism”. Meaning he can and will dock you if he thinks you are not acting professional in or OUTSIDE of class. If he sees you goofing off in the lounge, he will dock you. I once wore a SLAYER shirt to a lecture, and was asked to wear my jacket over it because the attire was “not professional.”