Loss

"BJ" (benjamin-bignell)
02/04/2019 at 13:02 • Filed to: None

Personal post . Buffer image for your safety.

My father-in-law passed away yesterday. As much as we were expecting this, and as much as we’ve tried to prepare for it, the death of someone close hurts.

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My father-in-law was generous to a fault, warm and friendly, and an amazing father/grandfather/father-in-law. He was also the absolute antithesis of Oppositelock - the ultimate non- car guy . (Unsurprisingly, m y wife and her siblings are all the same.) Cars are just tools, necessary means of transportation, and he wouldn’t use them for fun or amusement or as a clever way to waste money. His cars would get maintained enough to keep them service able, and then he’d hand them down to someone else in the family who needed a farm beater or a second car for short errands.

He was also a very responsible non-car person. In January 2015 I took him for a short ride in my 4Runner . This ride ended with 4x4 powerslides in an icy parking lot in front of his house. That was the first and only time in his entire life he had ever been in a vehicle that had done donuts, burnouts, or any other inappropriate silliness. I think he enjoyed it maybe a little bit, as it was the subject of conversation for the next few visits to the house, but I was never asked for a second ride...

I also know he used to ride a motorcycle: He was on two wheels when picked up my mother-in-law for their first date . But I believe without doubt that he n ever did anything on that bike but the speed limit, in a most safe and careful manner.

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I needed to share this with someone, so thanks for listening .

If you like, post a picture of anything you like . If you have a story about a non-car person you love, share it here. And if you don’t like, don’t share anything . I don’t mind at all and my feelings won’t be hurt .

It just feels good to yell into the void and know that you’ve been heard , even if no-one answers back.

DISCUSSION (26)

Cash Rewards > BJ
02/04/2019 at 13:24

Sorry for your and your family's loss

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > BJ
02/04/2019 at 13:27

im sorry for your loss mate

take care of you n yours

punkgoose17 > BJ
02/04/2019 at 13:29

Sorry for your family’s loss. I am praying for your family and grieving.

-Cheers

vicali > BJ
02/04/2019 at 13:36

Sorry for your loss, Father-in-laws are awesome, they are like Dads who aren’t responsible for you so they are entertained by your decisions without having to intervene..

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > BJ
02/04/2019 at 13:41

Sorry to hear it. All the best to you, your wife, and the family.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > BJ
02/04/2019 at 13:48

Turning to OPPO during loss is a great choice. I shared (years ago now) the loss of my daughter, and having the support of the unknown and silly car people meant a lot.

My father in law is a great guy and it’ll be a dark day in the (inevitable) future that I make a similar post.

Sorry about this man

OmerCarrothers333 > BJ
02/04/2019 at 13:48

Sorry man.

HammerheadFistpunch > BJ
02/04/2019 at 13:51

So sorry . My father in law was diagnosed with prostate cancer recently (he’ll be fine) but until then I hadn’t stopped to consider life without him. My father passed away in 2013 and he has been a really excellent father figure in my life before and since . R espectful, supportive, helpful, kind. It would be hard to be without him personally.

He’s worked very hard to connect with my on a personal level and talk about the things I want to talk about.

I can understand the hole a person like that can leave in your life when their gone.

I don’t know what your faith or belief is but if it helps I have confidence you’ll see them again. For what it’ s worth.

TheRealBicycleBuck > BJ
02/04/2019 at 13:55

The loss of a loved one is always hard. For some odd reason, you will think about him even more now that he’s gone. That’s the way it’s been for me since my mom left us nearly two years ago.

Lean on those around you. They are there for you and your family as you are there for them in the rough times.

Go do some donuts in his honor.

Old Red Wagon > BJ
02/04/2019 at 13:57

Sorry to hear that. A funny story about my dad who is also the biggest non car guy i know. I remember when i was younger his car needed new tires. I was with him when he went into the shop and the salesman kept telling him about this model tire and that as well as the advantages of one over the other . My dad, knowing absolutely nothing about any of this stuff said to the guy “just give me some safe, inexpensive round ones”. I was too young to help him our nor did i know much about tires at the time.

Dash-doorhandle-6 cyl none the richer > BJ
02/04/2019 at 14:14

Sounds like the world is down one good guy. Condolences. I’ll rip a parking lot donut in his honour. From your description he reminds me of the Grandfather who part raised me, we need more of them.

Chariotoflove > BJ
02/04/2019 at 14:16

I hear you. My wife and her family are n on car people. My MIL drives an actual beige Camry. My wife loves me anyway and doesn’t frown on my proclivities.

I’m sorry for your loss

CaptDale - is secretly British > BJ
02/04/2019 at 14:29

I am sorry for your loss. Losing family is hard.

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > BJ
02/04/2019 at 14:39

S orry to hear friend....my thoughts are with you and your family. :(

shop-teacher > BJ
02/04/2019 at 16:23

I am very sorry for your loss.

Your father in law sounds remarkably similar to mine. The only difference being mine has an appreciation for quirky vehicles like Corvairs (one of which he owned when it was just a $20 0 used car). In practice he has lived essentially the same car life as yours did.

We actually almost lost him a few days ago, and that would have been a very difficult loss to our family. You can read about it if you wish. He's doing much better now.

https://oppositelock.kinja.com/1832288647

Captain of the Enterprise > BJ
02/04/2019 at 17:52

I’m so sorry for your loss

The Dummy Gummy > BJ
02/04/2019 at 18:11

Sorry for your loss man. The first few weeks are going to be the hardest and then it doesn’t really get much better. They say time heals, but I think it just makes you numb. The ‘ trick ’ is to keep remembering those good times you had with him.

Don’t hesitate to reach out to someone when you’re feeling down. If you need someone not related to you to speak with, I’m here to talk / listen. Hold strong brotha. S orry again for you and your families loss.

f86sabre > BJ
02/04/2019 at 18:32

Oppo internet hugs to you and the family. Knowing it is coming doesn’t always help that much.

Non-car person story: the wife of one of my friends knows cars, but isn’t into them like we are. Her husband used to work in racing, but she would barely get into an gocart. One year he decided to join our LeMons team. After a few weeks he broached the subject of his wife racing with us. My wife has been a team driver since day one and I guess she felt that if my wife was good doing it then maybe she would be as well. Come race day we all get suited up and hit the track. She was our 5th driver of the day which put her mid afternoon. She was very nervous. Almost as nervous as her husband. We put her out on the track and off she went. She was slow. Really slow, but she did her time and kept the car clean. When she got out she said it was great fun, but she would never do it again. That was it. Proud of her for trying and we had fun the rest of the weekend.

pip bip - choose Corrour > BJ
02/05/2019 at 03:14

my condolences to you on your loss

BJ > f86sabre
02/05/2019 at 09:47

Thanks for the story.

BJ > shop-teacher
02/05/2019 at 09:52

Wow, scary story. You did good to go check on him. While I was reading your post, my first thought was a stroke, but infections in older people also cause that kind of confusion.

My grandfather once drove off to see some cattle while he was fighting an infection, and the family ended up sending out a search party. He was easy to find, thankfully ; he just couldn’t figure out how to get back home.

BJ > Old Red Wagon
02/05/2019 at 09:54

Y our father knew enough to ask for tires that meet the three most important criteria: safety, cost, and roundness!

BJ > The Dummy Gummy
02/05/2019 at 09:58

Thanks. It hurts and the hole will be there forever, but remembering the good times at least puts a smile on our faces.

BJ > Dash-doorhandle-6 cyl none the richer
02/05/2019 at 09:59

Please do so. :)

BJ > Dash-doorhandle-6 cyl none the richer
02/05/2019 at 10:47

Y our offer to rip a donut made me both laugh and cry.

Kinja'd!!!

shop-teacher > BJ
02/05/2019 at 11:45

Thankfully he made it back home when he got lost and confused. It could have been so much worse if he had just been wandering around.