Me, 3:00 PM:

"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion) 12/19/2019 at 14:26 • Filed to: None

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Actually, that IS me, Thursday, May 4, 2006. Behind my boat at the time, a 1989 Supra with a 240hp Ford-based V8 running nearly flat-out on a calm day (as you can see).

But wait, I don’t care about the boat , I hear you saying. WTF is that tube?

A Kite Tube.

We saw the video put out by the manufacturer. We ordered one. First person to try it couldn’t get it to fly. I’m lighter and we also ran the rope off the extended pylon (tow point ~7' off the water instead of ~2-3'). Holy shit it was fun and terrifying . I got ~20-25 feet up behind a different boat, and again behind this boat on a different day, heading into the wind. I got tossed off from about 20' up going about 25mph and lost both contact lenses.

That is, before we heard about The Deaths. People got badly injured, even killed doing this behind faster boats. The shape was incredibly unstable and it would flip over, causing a sudden dive straight down toward the water - which, by the way, is rather like concrete at 40+ mph - IF you could hang on, you got slammed into the water and if you let go, you got tossed like a ragdoll into the same unforgiving surface.

You can see my hand in the pic above through the clear bit - I was moving up to counter the motion of the tube - I moved my body a LOT to try and keep it stable, and it still hit the water pretty hard a few times. It was a little like wrestling, but solo, and in the air.

Believe it or not, I didn’t come off and it didn’t flip over in the above pic. It was so big, the drag from the bottom hitting the water was enough force to slap down the top part, rather than the apparent wind knocking it over. It then bounced right back up.

This was a few seconds later:

With a bit of a steady breeze, I could really get it going because I needed air speed, not ground speed of course:

It was incredibly fun to fly like that, but also scary. I could see the danger, but I felt I could manage it under the right conditions, and with the right driver.

But after seeing a few videos like the one below ( and the product being recalled by the manufacturer after numerous lawsuits and intervention by something like the National Product Safety Commission on Preventing Comically Dangerous Products That Literally Have a Skull and Crossbones On Them )... I never flew again. If you can handle the pre-go-pro shaky videos, this is pretty horrifying. Some of these are different tubes, but they all had the same idea.

In particular, what happens between 0:39 and 0:43 is typical. In literally two seconds it goes from fine to NOT AT ALL FINE to possible life-altering injury.

0:39 - all is well

0:41 - tube is 40 feet in the air

0:43 - rider is bodyslammed into water at high speed

Even a great athlete will struggle to react to that kind of motion.

Back to the title of this post - after 3:00 today I’m off work until January 2, 2020. Weeeeeee haaaaa!

Happy Whatever to all of you! I’ll check in here and there, but I like to kind of go off the interwebz when I’m on breaks, so... expect very little of me. Cheers.

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > functionoverfashion 12/19/2019 at 14:42

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I remember when these came out and recall thinking, “looks fun, but incredibly stupid”. Which the lawsuits that followed shortly thereafter confirmed my suspicions. I can only imagine that the company had absolutely no lawyers on staff, because there’s no way an even remotely competent one lets that through.

slipperysallylikespenguins > functionoverfashion 12/19/2019 at 14:46

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I remember those well. They lasted about a year where I lived. Most people were pretty happy not to use them again.

functionoverfashion > MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s 12/19/2019 at 14:49

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In the demo video, the conditions are ideal and a pro wakeboarder-type athlete rides it successfully. But it’s hard to imagine that even the most cursory testing would have revealed massive flaws. Or a good imagination, for that matter. 

functionoverfashion > slipperysallylikespenguins 12/19/2019 at 14:50

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Yup, they came out one winter and by mid-summer the ban was out, though it didn’t get much attention in the media. Small market, I guess, for one. 

MoCamino > functionoverfashion 12/19/2019 at 14:51

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We did a lot of tubing when I was a teenager ( around 1986). At the time I was a skinny lad, a little over six feet but only about 140 lbs. My dad found great joy (and honestly, so did I) in whipping me around behind the boat on the tube and trying to bounce me off of it. Mind you, this was a ‘normal’ tube, not this death device you’ve depicted above. I remember once I jumped off the wake, caught air, and went upside down. Dad later told me I was five or six feet off the water when I went upside down. The tube stayed above me and my head and shoulders hit the water first. I let go quickly enough that it only dragged me a couple of feet under the water. ( Fortunately Dad always insisted on a life vest.) I hit hard enough that I was done for the day, but wasn’t hurt .

Thirty+ years later I still remember the moment of panic when I got dragged under thinking “oh crap” and being very relieved when I bobbed back to the surface.  At the time I have probably been dumb enough to get on one of those kite tubes.  Man I’m glad I didn’t.  :)

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > functionoverfashion 12/19/2019 at 17:06

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An aerodynamic pile drive into the water, what could possibly go wrong?

TheRealBicycleBuck > functionoverfashion 12/19/2019 at 18:03

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A lot of these lessons were learned in the early days of the hang-gliding community. In an odd co in cidence, I was reading an arti cle about it this afternoon.

The article starts on page 51: https://issuu.com/us_hang_gliding_paragliding/docs/2008_04_hgpg

In the ‘60s there were numerous water ski shows that featured manned kites being towed behind boats. These small flat kites required a fast tow speed and any sudden loss of tow pressure resulted in an immediate crash - there was no gliding. Australian, John Dickinson, is credited with the first application of the now-conventional triangular control bar to the Rogallo wing. John towed his contraption behind a boat using water skis just like the flat kites. Fellow Aussies and flat kite enthusiasts Bill Moyes and Bill Bennett recognized the market potential of Dickenson’s wing and both men were instrumental in developing, popularizing, and marketing the emerging sport.

My first hang gliding flight was a winch tow from a boat launch on a tandem glider equipped with pontoons for a water landing.

These were taken by my instructor (I’m not in them). If you ever want to give it a try, contact J eff at FlyTexas.com.

ttyymmnn > functionoverfashion 12/19/2019 at 18:29

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That looks like a major injury waiting to happen.

functionoverfashion > MoCamino 12/19/2019 at 20:19

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I’m 5'11 and about 145lbs, so that’s partly why I flew so well on that thing. I’ve taken plenty of good crashes behind boats in various manners... none were as nasty as this thing. We did tie lines to each side of it, on to each side of a tower on a wakeboard boat, which greatly improved the stability. Nonetheless, we didn’t keep it around all that long. 

functionoverfashion > TheRealBicycleBuck 12/19/2019 at 20:39

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Thanks for the info, I’ll have to check that out. I’ve never heard of tow-hang gliding, that looks amazing.

Years ago, we did some totally amateur tow-paragliding, on a frozen lake behind a snowmobile. It was largely successful, but, shall we say, less than perfect.

I have a friend who was a major driver of some of these activities, he had a few paragliders, etc. but umm, he’s not available for 17 years give or take, possibly sooner if he gets parole. Oops.

But seriously, I want to try this tow-hang gliding with pontoons... seems great!

functionoverfashion > ttyymmnn 12/19/2019 at 20:43

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I didn’t get injured, but a friend had some very serious bruising from it. Clearly, others had it worse. Not that we are special, but the people I hang out with have a pretty good safety mindset while also not being afraid of risk. We tend to walk a line different from most, but not one that results in frequent injuries. I also don’t hang out with two of the drivers of some of this stuff anymore, but not because of their athletic risk-taking. One’s in jail, the other literally disappeared. So there’s that. 

TheRealBicycleBuck > functionoverfashion 12/20/2019 at 05:37

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You’re in luck! Morningside , one of the oldest hang gliding schools, is right there in New Hampshire! It looks like they have foot launch, but they don’t offer towing or aerotowing. If you want to learn that, you may have to travel to the flatter parts of the country where towing is a necessity.

functionoverfashion > TheRealBicycleBuck 12/23/2019 at 08:22

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Ah, yes I’ve heard of that. Maybe when the kids are old enough to try it with me...