Anti-Defamation League Lists Car “Check Engine Light” as White Supremacy Symbol

"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
10/08/2019 at 16:45 • Filed to: satire, Taketheoutsideline

No sooner had white supremacy and hate groups !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! than another common symbol joined the fray: Your vehicle’s Check Engine Light, or CEL. Often shaped like an old engine, the CEL has been universally recognized since On-Board Diagnostics, or OBD, were perfected in the mid-1990s. Some version of the CEL are more ominous, including a lightning bolt shaped vaguely like the Nazi SS logo.

The most general and benign form of the CEL for English-speaking markets.

What began as a satirical joke on internet car forums like VWVortex and Hondatech quickly spread to established white nationalist sites like FrontStorm, quickly turning from a gag into a serious movement.

“We were just joking around that ‘What if hate groups started taking over other normal symbols?’ and the entire thread was full of lulz,” according to Hondatech moderator B18C_roolz . “We seriously looked at how the swastika got corrupted, then all the stuff about removing Confederate flags, but most of all the OK symbol,” he writes. “That one was just nuts.”

The Anti-Defamation League, or ADL, known most prominently for identifying and cataloging anti-Semitic and other hate groups, issued their official statement on their website Tuesday afternoon.

“We cannot accept the infiltration of our vehicles by hate groups. Even in the form of unintentional, passive ‘dog whistles’ like this, such symbols can encourage and embolden latent hatred in people who are exposed to them,” says Saul Mendez, the ADL’s West Coast US Regional President.

“Of course this was intentional. Ever since OBD first came out, we’ve been working hard to make sure the CEL would strike fear into people,” claims FrontStorm founder Kurt Johnson. “People would wonder ‘Is my car going to explode? Should I stop? Keep driving?’ The symbol has created terror and chaos from Day 1, just as we intended,” adding a rhetorical “Who’s down with OBD? Every last honky.”

Kurt Johnson’s leg, featuring a tattoo of the more dangerous and violent version of the CEL.

Nationwide automotive parts retailers such as AutoZone and Advance Auto Parts have vowed to join the fight, offering Free Hate Readings for any customers. According to O’Reilly Auto’s website, “Any of our 900 locations will gladly identify the hatred in your car, turn the light off, and recommend solutions to prevent the hate from returning.”

B18C_roolz claims he uses simple black electrical tape to cover his CEL. “Bro, I got open headers, no cat[alytic converter], and would never pass smog anywhere. My CEL isn’t gonna go away. Maybe yours won’t, either. We all have a CEL just waiting to show up. We just have to learn to ignore it.”

Although FrontStorm’s constituents are a small minority of car owners, Kurt Johnson is undeterred in his mission. “We had to start small, but this is a multi-generational thing to us,” concluding “We rolled out the CEL message mostly through VW, for obvious reasons. But as cars get more complicated, just you wait. They will be everywhere.”

When asked whether FrontStorm was prepared for a future with more Electric Vehicles that lack a CEL, Johnson was very clear: “Our guy in South Africa has been working on this for years. The secret logo is a big dagger shaped like a ‘T’ – which means ‘Time to get out of town.’”

Johnson claims his minivan, shown here in white (naturally), can still spread hatred without a gas engine.

If all else fails, Johnson insists, the entire movement will simply start over on Mars one day.

DISCUSSION (22)

For Sweden > Ash78, voting early and often
10/08/2019 at 16:54

If the symbol comes from VWVortex, I have to agree with the ADL

facw > Ash78, voting early and often
10/08/2019 at 16:54

Oh sure, just because it’s ubiquitous on German cars the check engine light is a Nazi symbol?

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > facw
10/08/2019 at 17:01

I think I’m going to move along, Folks.

Tareim - V8 powered > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo
10/08/2019 at 17:07

Kinja'd!!!

user314 > Ash78, voting early and often
10/08/2019 at 17:07

You know when you’re reading a piece of satire so good you almost think you’re reading real news? Yeah, this.

Christ, Anon managed to get the media to believe milk of all things was a racist symbol, after all.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Ash78, voting early and often
10/08/2019 at 17:12

lol libturds

Ash78, voting early and often > facw
10/08/2019 at 17:12

Oh, that’s woven in, for sure. I couldn’t build a whole story from it, though :)

For Sweden > facw
10/08/2019 at 17:16

Do Trabants have check engine lights ? Maybe some German cars are immune to this scurge.

NKato > Ash78, voting early and often
10/08/2019 at 17:17

This is satire, right? This is the Onion, right?

Right....?

TheRealBicycleBuck > Ash78, voting early and often
10/08/2019 at 17:19

Do you secretly work for The Onion? Was this a rejected piece that needed to live somewhere, so it landed on Oppo?

Demon-Xanth knows how to operate a street. > Ash78, voting early and often
10/08/2019 at 17:19

Oppo’s reaction after the mainstream media picks up an Ash post as real:

Kinja'd!!!

Chariotoflove > Ash78, voting early and often
10/08/2019 at 17:19

You think that’s hate. Wait until you get rid of the CEL and all those cars stop dead in the streets.

Come to think of it, dealer service managers will become the most ardent of “ racists” overnight. Think how many CELs have driven owners right into their waiting arms?

facw > For Sweden
10/08/2019 at 17:35

Do Trabants have engines? It seems entirely plausible they are powered by wound up rubber bands or something...

For Sweden > facw
10/08/2019 at 17:36

Rub ber bands are reactionary