Obituary code.

"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher) 01/24/2019 at 15:36 • Filed to: Jeeze 3 posts in one day and you post this bummer!

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I have now seen the exact same two vague phrases in obituaries for acquaintances (for lack of a better description) of mine, both of whom died quite young.

The first one was for a former coworker who died in her early 40's some months ago. She was a nice person who had a pain pill problem, and was fired. That’s all I’ll say about her . Her obituary contained the following phrases:

“ Died at home unexpectedly.”

and

“Was at a happy and productive stage in her life.”

The word productive sticks out like a neon sign to me. Nothing against productivity, but I sure hope nobody ever sums up my life by saying, “Eh, he was productive.” To me, “Was at a happy and productive stage in her life” reads as, “We thought she had pulled her life back together after that thing happened.”

That’s no judgement against the families. It’s a very sad thing to deal with, and there’s really no good way to address it. I’ve dealt with it in my family as well. It’s a very sad mess.

Today I found out somebody I went to school with passed away a little over a month ago. Don’t offer any condolences to me, we weren’t friends or anything. In fact, I’m not certain we ever had a conversation with each other. I know we went to high school together, and I think we went to middle school together ... but honestly I’m not sure. To say we were acquaintances is to say I knew her name. She may or may not have known mine, I have no idea.

Anyways, her obituary has those exact same phrases in it. I don’t know anything about her or her life, but those phrases make me think she died of an overdose as well. Whether she did or not, a set of parents had to say goodbye to a 37 year old daughter, and that’s a pain that as a father I cannot imagine.

Sorry, I didn’t mean for this post to be a bummer . I guess obituaries are just a really weird thing. To try and sum up somebodies life in a paragraph of three, they just end up so bizarre to my eyes .

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 15:39

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Overdose or suicide

nerd_racing > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 15:43

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I have a funeral director former roommate I could ask.  I know she had to write a bunch of things for funeral services.  

fintail > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 15:46

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I have doubts I’ll be described as “productive”, so that’s nice.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 15:48

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More now dying from accidental opioi d overdoses than dying from car accide nts...

Nibby > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 15:48

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ttyymmnn > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 15:49

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Those phrases are written by the living. It would be revealing to know what the dead would have written. It is human nature to read an obituary and not wonder how somebody died. I get occasional announcements when somebody dies from the church where we used to be members. I know that one person who died recently was lost to an aneurysm (I only know that because they called me to play for the funeral). The announcement used the word “sudden,” which implies that it was completely unexpected. Other times it will say something like “after a long battle with illness.” But yes, your examples do sound like people who died suddenly from non-natural causes. Though “happy and productive” might also mean sudden and unexpected. Still, strange wording.

My grandmother used to look at the obituaries in the paper every day. She said that when you get old enough you start to recognize people in them. 

Honeybunchesofgoats > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 15:52

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If my obituary even suggests that I was in any way productive or did anything useful, I will take it as an insult and haunt the son of a bitch who dared to impugn my reputation. 

OPPOsaurus WRX > ttyymmnn 01/24/2019 at 15:53

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“Those phrases are written by the living.”

well no shit, the dead certainly didn’ t write them for obvious reasons. I got a good laugh out of that.

(yea i suppose they could have left a note behind or something but i’m going with they are dead and cant write)

Mercedes Streeter > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 15:53

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... but I sure hope nobody ever sums up my life by saying, “Eh, he was productive.” 

“He had an impressive garage of neglected tiny motors that he gave a better life.”

The Dummy Gummy > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 15:54

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I hope mine reads “He was alive and now he’s dead.” I honestly don’t want a diatribe of things I did. The people who knew me knew what I did. I’m dead so who cares. 

The Dummy Gummy > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 01/24/2019 at 15:55

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2 notes here,

1. Seems like a better way to go.

2. your username fits perfect here; even though it’s not drug-related

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 16:05

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I want mine to say: So long you son of a bitch, he died doing what he loved writing witty comments on an obscure internet blog. At least he wasn’t working!

ttyymmnn > OPPOsaurus WRX 01/24/2019 at 16:12

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Did you read the next sentence?

OPPOsaurus WRX > ttyymmnn 01/24/2019 at 16:14

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i did

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > The Dummy Gummy 01/24/2019 at 16:19

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I want mine to read "Owned a Kia Forte'

shop-teacher > Honeybunchesofgoats 01/24/2019 at 16:30

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Ha!

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > The Dummy Gummy 01/24/2019 at 16:30

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My addiction will much more likely kill me in a fiery crash. 

shop-teacher > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 01/24/2019 at 16:32

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Oh, I didn’t even think of that.

Sheesh.  That’s worse.

TheRealBicycleBuck > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 16:35

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A somewhat generic obituary is better than nothing, which is exactly what both my father and my half-brother got. Not coincidentally, both died from an overdose of opioids and alcohol.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 16:35

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Real life is a bummer.

WilliamsSW > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 01/24/2019 at 16:43

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So people will think you went to a better place right?

Chuckles > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 01/24/2019 at 16:43

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Do you want to be buried in that car?

WilliamsSW > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 16:46

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The second phase sounds like code for “not suicide” and/or was making progress on her  addiction issues to me.

It particularly sounds like “not suicide” tbh.

Future Heap Owner > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 01/24/2019 at 16:49

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Future Heap Owner > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 01/24/2019 at 16:49

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I literally lol’d

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > WilliamsSW 01/24/2019 at 16:50

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Lol

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > Chuckles 01/24/2019 at 16:51

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Sure. One less Forte on the road

Chuckles > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 01/24/2019 at 16:53

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The only good Forte i s a dead Forte.

Jason Spears > Honeybunchesofgoats 01/24/2019 at 17:23

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Sounds like you may want to think along these lines instead.

shop-teacher > ttyymmnn 01/24/2019 at 17:26

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I’m only 37, and I’m starting to recognize them.

shop-teacher > Mercedes Streeter 01/24/2019 at 17:26

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That’s more like it!

shop-teacher > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 01/24/2019 at 17:26

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It’s crazy.

shop-teacher > nerd_racing 01/24/2019 at 17:30

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I’d be curious to hear her thoughts on the matter. These two people lived 800 miles apart, so it seems like a remarkable coincidence, or perhaps its just obituary boilerplate, so to speak.

shop-teacher > TheRealBicycleBuck 01/24/2019 at 17:31

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I don’t even know if my uncle had an obituary or not . He OD’d on heroin when I was in middle sch ool.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 17:31

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Terribly sad. 

shop-teacher > WilliamsSW 01/24/2019 at 17:32

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That could be. It could also be suicide, as Carsof FortLangley pointed out.

shop-teacher > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 01/24/2019 at 17:34

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Very much so.

WilliamsSW > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 17:34

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Yeah- I’m just guessing, trying to read between the lines. 

shop-teacher > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 01/24/2019 at 17:35

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Sounds about right.

My bird IS the word > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 17:48

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Trying to distract from the fact that it was an OD and they weren't some druggie bum. Which is silly, because they are dead and it frankly doesn't matter anymore

T5Killer > shop-teacher 01/24/2019 at 18:55

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Had two army buddies die of opioid overdoses over the years and the wording was exactly the same, Died at home unexpectedly.

shop-teacher > T5Killer 01/24/2019 at 21:25

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Very sad :(

DipodomysDeserti > My bird IS the word 01/24/2019 at 21:43

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Yes, when your loved ones die, it doesn’t matter anymore. I can see you have a very  developed view of mortality.

My bird IS the word > DipodomysDeserti 01/25/2019 at 00:21

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Can’t wait to die frankly. B ecause then I’ll be too dead to care.

DipodomysDeserti > My bird IS the word 01/25/2019 at 07:16

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I forget that there’s people out there with no friends or family. Sad existence.

My bird IS the word > DipodomysDeserti 01/25/2019 at 11:47

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Silly to be sad of an inevitability

DipodomysDeserti > My bird IS the word 01/25/2019 at 12:13

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That’s what I tell my wife before we go to sleep every night. 

My bird IS the word > DipodomysDeserti 01/25/2019 at 12:21

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oh yeah! putting on the moves.