"Shour, Aloof and Obnoxious" (shour)
09/12/2018 at 17:27 • Filed to: None
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"Shour, Aloof and Obnoxious" (shour)
09/12/2018 at 17:27 • Filed to: None | 8
| 8 |
Band director: “Okay, going to give you ten minutes to work on this on your own. That’s when the big hand gets to the five. Then we’re going to play line 23 together. You have ten minutes to make it not terrible. Go.”
Jazz band: starts practicing
Band director goes back to office, sits at desk for a few minutes, totally not thinking about how 3:15pm is only 20 minutes away. Glances through Gizmodo to see news the day has wrought. Suddenly:
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
At 3:04, band director returns to podium. Pulls the Kinja deal up on the projector. Ends the band’s free-practice session. Jazz band runs the assignment a couple times. Band director points at the board.
Band director: “This is how you win life, guys. No more sorting entire boxes of Lucky Charms into separate piles of marshmallows and dog food. Just buy the whole bag of marshmallows.”
Jazz band: “THAT’S AMAZING WE WANT IT.”
Trombone player: “Mister, you can buy that bag of marshmallows, and like, we can all bring you a dollar, and then when class ends, we can all eat it!”
Jazz band: “YESSSSSS!”
Band director: *thinks for a moment* “Well, there’s nineteen of you, and the bag is nineteen dollars...and I can get free prime shipping, so...okay.” *pulls out phone*
Jazz band: “YAAAAAY!”
Trombone player: “Wait, I was just joking!”
Band director: *holds up phone showing order confirmation from Amazon* We don’t joke about food around here, son. [Assistant band director] will bring a gallon of milk, I will bring bowls and spoons, and all of you bring a dollar next Monday, because IT IS ON. Put away your instruments.
Jazz band cheers. Trombone player is still processing. Saxophone section double checks the director’s phone to see if he really ordered it. End-of-day bell rings. Students from other periods start filing into the room to pick up their instruments. Several eighth graders from the top ensemble see the 3 lb bag of marshmallows projected on the board, and ask jazz band kiddos why it’s on the board.
Thirty seconds later: “WHAT? JAZZ BAND IS GOING TO EAT A WHOLE BAG OF MARSHMALLOWS? WHAT MAKES THEM SPECIAL?!?!?”
Band director shrugs. “You had the choice to take jazz for your second elective, but no, you took AVID, because CUTE BOYS. Live with your decision, now, and on Monday when you see us all eating bowls of marshmallows.”
Clarinet player whimpers.
Who says this job doesn’t have benefits? Gran Torino for sitting through the story.
Chariotoflove
> Shour, Aloof and Obnoxious
09/12/2018 at 18:18 |
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Bone player has good instincts. He just engineered the whole thing without any financial risk to himself.
ttyymmnn
> Chariotoflove
09/12/2018 at 18:29 |
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That’s impressive for a trombone player.
Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
> Shour, Aloof and Obnoxious
09/12/2018 at 18:35 |
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My son joined jazz band, I guess I know why now.
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ttyymmnn
> Shour, Aloof and Obnoxious
09/12/2018 at 18:49 |
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I have been told that there is no business like show business, and that there are no people like show people. This is good Kinja.
Frenchlicker
> Shour, Aloof and Obnoxious
09/12/2018 at 18:57 |
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It’s always the band director.
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Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
> Shour, Aloof and Obnoxious
09/12/2018 at 19:26 |
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Band is for fun orchestra is for college prep.
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Chariotoflove
> ttyymmnn
09/12/2018 at 19:51 |
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You know the difference between a trom bone player and a trumpeter?
The bone player will be cool enough to give the trumpeter a dollar when he inevitably forgets to bring one the next day.
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ttyymmnn
> Chariotoflove
09/12/2018 at 20:41 |
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That is the truth.