No Guessing Where This Happened!

"user314" (user314) 09/07/2018 at 13:52 • Filed to: Florida Man, Florida, Police Blotter, cooking, drinking, smoking

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When firefighters got to the home around 5:30 p.m., they could see smoke coming from inside. A naked man opened the front door, said, “I’m sorry” and closed the door.

Seriously, don’t get ahead of me.

Based on the fire department’s investigation, the man allegedly tried baking cookies on a George Foreman grill which he left unattended. The grill and cookies caught fire, so he put dry towels on top of the grill. Those caught fire, too, causing the fire to spread.

Baking cookies on a Foreman is apparently a thing, which I kinda get if you’re in college. Still, I’ve the feeling there is more to this story...

The man admitted to drinking two liters of vodka and smoking marijuana starting around 9 a.m. that morning.

There we go!

Just in case you haven’t already guessed !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! this came from:

For Sweden > user314 09/07/2018 at 14:03

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You can make low-fat cookies on a George Foreman grill

OPPOsaurus WRX > user314 09/07/2018 at 14:08

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2 liters liters of vodka, damn, that explains a lot but it doesn’ t explain how he was still alive after drinking two liters of vodka.  I would have guessed Florida.

gogmorgo - rowing gears in a Grand Cherokee > user314 09/07/2018 at 14:10

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To save a bit of money, you can save collect  the grease drippings and use that instead of butter when mixing up the cookie dough.

user314 > gogmorgo - rowing gears in a Grand Cherokee 09/07/2018 at 14:15

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For Sweden > OPPOsaurus WRX 09/07/2018 at 14:16

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He was a Russian intelligence agent trying to penetrate the election system of a swing state.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > user314 09/07/2018 at 14:17

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Bugs bunny saws off Florida.gif

The Dummy Gummy > gogmorgo - rowing gears in a Grand Cherokee 09/07/2018 at 14:25

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oh god....

Tristan > user314 09/07/2018 at 14:44

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I lived in Niceville from 2009-2010. It is very Florida. It’s home to the annual Boggy Bayou Mullet Festival (the fish, not the hairdo).

I stopped taking my dog for walks when I lived there after a crazed redneck threw beer bottles at me because his dogs barked when I walked by. Jim And Nick's barbecue is amazing, though.

Ash78, voting early and often > Tristan 09/07/2018 at 15:01

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Niceville is an interesting place. Sort of a mix of rednecks, northern transplants, beach bums, and military people from my experience (I haven’t lived there, but visited several times). IIRC, a lot of people in the beach service industry live there because it’s so much cheaper than being close to the beach.

Jim N Nicks is definitely solid. We have about 5 of them in Birmingham and even when I visit the franchise locations when traveling, they’re always good. I heard they own their own hog farms now, which helps with quality control.

RiceRocketeer Extraordinaire > For Sweden 09/07/2018 at 15:06

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outside Soviet Russia, Florida penetrates you

Tristan > Ash78, voting early and often 09/07/2018 at 15:23

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I was a northern transplant military person who chose Niceville because it was cheaper than Destin/FWB/Mary Esther/ Navarre.

If I moved back to Florida, I’d think long and hard about Niceville. It has improved in the last decade, and I lived in a shitty area when I lived there. The schools are pretty solid from what I recall.

I didn't realize Jim and Nick's was so large- I thought it was just Nville and Destin! We're planning a trip to visit FL this winter and there's a lot of good food I can't wait to get. 

Ash78, voting early and often > Tristan 09/07/2018 at 15:29

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LOL, we say the same thing about Jim N Nicks here. It’s a Birmingham institution and only expanded starting about 10 years ago. I saw one in Tallahassee once and was like “WTF?! When? How? ”

Lots of NWFL is really nice, honestly. But anytime you’re near the tourist infrastructure, it’s not exactly a cross-section of normal society. Lots of opportunists, scammers , etc.

I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker > user314 09/07/2018 at 17:14

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Baking cookies on a George Foreman? Daydrinking two liters of vodka? Smoking pot on a weekday? Yup, this smells of college.

Tristan > Ash78, voting early and often 09/07/2018 at 21:16

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I absolutely love NWFL. 10/10 would move back. I lived there 8 years, m et my wife in Pensacola, got married in Bagdad, and just sold my house in Navarre last month. It’s a total mixed bag of every part of society, and with the large military presence so much of the population is transient. Knowing what I know now, I’d live in FWB, Niceville or Destin. Navarre is a shithole and the residents are hell bent on keeping it that way. Your “sweet little unincorporated village” has the third largest population on the panhandle (45,000+), some representation on the board of county commissioners and a police department would be nice little perks of incorporating...