How do I make my wife care about my car

"Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To" (murdersofa) 09/04/2018 at 14:31 • Filed to: None

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My wife drives my Miata. She is not a clean person, and when I got in the car today (bald tires so I didn’t want her driving it to work; new tires coming later this week) I was actually repulsed at the condition. A thick layer of sand on the carpets and floor mats, a literal layer of sticky black squick on the steering wheel (????) and unbeknownst to me the factory leather steering wheel has started peeling off little pieces of rubber when you grab it and needs a cover or replacement. The cupholders are full of trash and change and there’s just crap everywhere. Thing is she doesn’t seem to give a shit since “it can be cleaned off and it’ll be fine” but it still bothers the absolute shit out of me that my car isn’t kept clean. I don’t expect daily details or anything but just the bare minimum of taking trash out when you leave, shaking out the floor mats before they overflow and start mashing dirt into the carpet, etc. would be fuckin great.

Rico > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 14:39

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Maybe have her help you clean it. That way she might think about it differently. 

Dasupersprint - base trim is enough > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 14:40

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She’s just being a woman. Seriously, when you see a car full of trash and old crap inside it belongs to a woman.

TheRevanchist > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 14:46

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Arrange a trip with her mom and/or her best judgmental friend.  Let the magic happen without any real interference.

RPM esq. > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 14:47

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She is not a clean person

I think I found your problem.

BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 14:48

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I can’t help you. Every woman’s car I’ve ever been in has been like that. For that matter, 78% of men’s cars are like that, too, just with fewer Starbucks cups. 

Party-vi > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 14:52

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S a a a a a m e.

My wife’s Insight looks like a hobo has  been living in it. My Mazda 6 gets the interior dusted weekly.

facw > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 14:55

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I don’t think there’s much you can do beyond letting her know that it is important to you that your car is clean . Hopefully, even if she doesn’t care that the car is clean, she cares about you (I’m sure there are things you don’t care about but where you make the effort because it makes her happy) .

CalzoneGolem > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 14:57

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If you figure it out let me know.

This stuff doesn’t even register with my wife.

One day I spent hours cleaning her car inside and out as a surprise. Pulled out so much garbage and cleaned every surface. She didn’t even notice. That was the last time I did that for her.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 14:57

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there wa sshit growning under the seat of the minivan, when you have the answer, please share with us all

So Shiney. So Chrome! So Frunky > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 15:00

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My wife is also not a clean person. The way I deal with it is simply she rarely ever drives my car. Her car needs the trash cleaned out before I can climb in the passenger seat.............I know that’s not a solution to your problem. Best thing I can think of is try to make her clean it before she gives it back. It’ll probably cause an argument so it’s your choi ce if that’s the hill you want to die on but if the filth doesn’t bother her, make it bother her.

ZHP Sparky, the 5th > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 15:04

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I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Here it goes! –

This is just how it is. Your solution is either to be OK with it, tell her it bugs you and hope she agrees to be tidier (this usually is only temporary), or tell her she doesn’t get to drive the car unless she is clean and/or cleans it (might not go over well depending on your general rules about “my vs. your” things).

It’s amazing the stuff I find in my wife’s car when I clean it every few months. I don’t even know how some of the stuff would even make its way in to a car. People are just wired differently and she just doesn’t see it as being a huge priority. I’m fine cleaning it every now and then, so we make it work.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > OPPOsaurus WRX 09/04/2018 at 15:05

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Holy shit.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 15:06

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My wife’s car always smelt of spoiled milk, spilt into the rear seat by our lovely children. I tried so hard to get her to quit giving bottles and snacks to the kids in the car, but she refused.

I was so happy when we sold that car.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > TheRevanchist 09/04/2018 at 15:06

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Her friends are all worse.

hmm I might have found the problem.

Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 15:11

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Have her buy her own car and see how long it lasts...

OPPOsaurus WRX > TheRealBicycleBuck 09/04/2018 at 15:13

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i can;t wait to get rid of the minivan, too bad it, or another will exist  for another 18 yrs or so.

gettingoldercarguy > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 15:15

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Take all the shit from your car and place it in her makeup drawer.

crowmolly > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 15:15

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If it’s that big an issue for you, don’t let her drive it unless she cleans it. Keep the keys in your pocket or somewhere she can’t take them.

If she needs it for work, fine, but don’t clean up any messes and refuse when it’s not a work related request.

MonkeePuzzle > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 15:17

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shouldn’t have married a motorcycle. motorcycles do not care for cars.

2Fast2Furious: Rotary Powered > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 15:17

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Haven't the tires been bald since last winter? Gotta get up on that replacement schedule

Shamoononon drives like a farmer > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 15:21

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Tell her you’ll do the laundry if she keeps her car clean.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > 2Fast2Furious: Rotary Powered 09/04/2018 at 15:24

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They were “really low on tread” last winter. Now they’re racing slicks.

Chariotoflove > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 15:26

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So glad I married a clean woman.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 15:35

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Clean it for her?

WilliamsSW > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 15:36

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She’s never going to care - mine doesn’t. Much like Party-vi, my wife’s car looks like a homeless person’s shopping cart on the inside, and the car is less than a year old.

Whenever my wife borrows my car, even if for only an hour, I have to clean the makeup off the steering wheel and get rid of about 40 dirty napkins shoved into every nook and cranny that’s within arm’s reach.

Only solution is to let her get her own car.

Quadradeuce > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 15:52

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You just got married, right ? My 15 year anniversary is next week. I have bad news for you...

BiTurbo228 - Dr Frankenstein of Spitfires > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 16:01

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You can’t make anyone change if they don’t care about it, and habits are harder to change than non-habits.

All you can do is make it worth it to change. Easiest way to do it:

She doesn’t drive your car until she can keep it tidy. Simple clear boundary with a clear positive benefit. Be lighthearted but consistent about it.

Only way it can work.

BeaterGT > facw 09/04/2018 at 16:23

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!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

And make sure to identify said things before any conversation happens.

facw > BeaterGT 09/04/2018 at 16:34

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I’m single, so perhaps people should not be trusting my relationship advice, but my feeling is that caution should be advised. I don’t think you want get into any sort of acrimonious debate about whether either spouse is pulling their weight, and directly comparing what they do for each other seems to risk that.

Still it’s probably good advice in general to think about what your partner cares about, and how much you are doing for them, not to hold it over them, but to make sure you are as attentive as you’d want them to be.

shop-teacher > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 16:37

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You can’t.

Your wife is wonderful, and you love her.  You need to accept her flaws, because nobody is perfect.  You have to love the whole person, warts and all.

BeaterGT > facw 09/04/2018 at 16:41

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Yep,   there’s a fine line between bringing these things up to help frame a perspective vs bringing it up and the SO thinks you’re holding it over their head.  I’m not very good at identifying that line, probably why I’m single too.

Captain of the Enterprise > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 16:53

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Maybe she needs her own car

GoodIdeaAtTheTime > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 16:59

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I got my Xterra super cheap because the previous owner’ s wife never cleaned it. She drove it for 6 years with 4 dogs in it. On hot days it still smells like rancid wet dog. It took 3 days of vacuuming to get most of the hair (dog and human) out of it. I really need to pull the carpet. The caked on make- up was a fun to scrape off as well. It grossed my wife out so much she now keeps her car spotless . Yippee. My stomach is a bit stronger... the things I have seen in my 20 years of working on cars.

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 17:14

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She will never care for your car in the way that you do . But she should care for how you feel about your car’s tidiness. Two different things.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 18:23

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Married guy here:

Not gonna happen. Let her trash her own car. Marriages are marathons, pick your battles.

ITA97, now with more Jag @ opposite-lock.com > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 19:10

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I’m not married, but I think the only answer to this that isn’t wrong is you have to clean the car yourself , frequently.

Wacko > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/04/2018 at 23:09

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That’s cause she is a bike and hates cars.

https://oppositelock.kinja.com/the-world-has-gone-mad-1828314670

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > ITA97, now with more Jag @ opposite-lock.com 09/04/2018 at 23:35

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Prevention, cure, etc. Living in an apartment actually cleaning out a dirty car is a hell of a lot more difficult than just keeping it from getting dirty in the first place.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 09/04/2018 at 23:35

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She doesn’t have a car. We have my Lexus, my Miata, and that’s it. It’s a bitch. I either keep both cars and watch one of them slowly deteriorate or I get rid of one of them and replace it with some sort of $500 shitbox.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Captain of the Enterprise 09/04/2018 at 23:36

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My choices there are either keep the miata and watch it slowly deteriorate at her hands or get rid of the miata and replace it with some sort of cheap shitty beater. Thing is she doesn’t even make enough right now to afford a cheap shitty beater so...

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/05/2018 at 00:27

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Get a third car and make it hers. 1993 Corolla CE, auto. Cheap, reliable. Doesn't matter what trash is in there boom done next marriage question.

Jayhawk Jake > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 09/05/2018 at 07:54

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On my phone “question” ended up on its own line so I read ‘boom, done, next marriage’ and chuckled

Monkey B > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 09/05/2018 at 09:18

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ignore it...all you can do. If you must say anything just be suggestive and hope for a mo dest change at best. My GF’s car can get gross, and I’ll clean it when it does for my own good. Sometimes when going somewhere I’ll be sure to clean out the trash before we depart...especially if we are running late. She helps because I’m doing it...another form of suggestion.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Chariotoflove 09/05/2018 at 09:26

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The heart wants what it wants.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Jayhawk Jake 09/05/2018 at 10:48

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hahahahahahahahjahahahha