"Rainbow" (rainbeaux)
08/28/2018 at 08:58 • Filed to: None
3
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"Rainbow" (rainbeaux)
08/28/2018 at 08:58 • Filed to: None | 3
| 20 |
This is just something I’ve found interesting lately. It probably means nothing, but it could actually be an indicator of my trans-ness. ( Oh yeah, if you weren’t there when I came out before, I’m one of the few people here who are trans. Surprise!)
I’ve dated three girls seriously, and I’ve very closely associated with a few others romantically. All as a man. Now, here’s the weird thing:
Of the five who I believe I seriously loved and who seriously loved me back, two have since come out as bisexual..... and the other three are straight-up lesbians.
Considering that (according to a 2014 government survey) roughly just 3% of people are gay, and even less are bisexual (these are based on self-identification, so I’m sure the closeted numbers are significantly higher, but it’s still way less than you might think), the chance of this happening with any random 5 people is approximately 0.00000013%. ( Seriously, it’s that low. 3%×3%×3%× 0.7%× 0.7%. Even if we assume there’s a 10% chance of being gay or bi, that’s 0.1^5, which is 0.00001, or 0 .001%. Keep in mind, this is for a random sample.)
So, yeah. I think it’s fair to assume that I was able to attract these people based on my femininity, or just by giving off a comforting female vibe. It probably means nothing, but still. The chance of it happening *at random* is virtually nonexistent. There HAS to be a reason for it.
Random follow-up question, because I’m curious: how many of you got a female sort of impression of me before finding all this out? Be honest; if you assumed I was just a regular guy, that won’t bother me. I’m just curious.
random001
> Rainbow
08/28/2018 at 09:23 |
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Ash78, voting early and often
> Rainbow
08/28/2018 at 09:34 |
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I honestly see most people online as gender neutral unless they’re overtly covering a gender-related topic . Maybe I chalk it up to using AOL chat in the mid 90s and getting duped into thinking girls were really girls.
Fool me once, etc.
themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
> Rainbow
08/28/2018 at 09:41 |
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My current partner identifies as a lesbian. I am cis-het-male. It’s not nearly as weird as it sounds because I think the bar for men can sometimes be that low. At least, that’s how I perceive it. Similar-ish boat in that multiple women I’ve been involved with said they at least lean he avily towards lesbian but it’s all good.
The general theme, when I’ve talked to them and asked them why they considered me at all , boiled down to the fact that I could actually listen without trying to tell them what to do/how to live their life, and didn’t rely on them to do emotional labor. Or rather, the emotional labor was shared i ns tead of dumped on one side of the equation. Putting it another way - I’m not exceptional, just that most other men in their lives have been unable to meet the bare minimums. Don’t know why or how but yeah...that’s the sad state of the world we live in sometimes.
In your case, it could be some inner desire to express a feminine side that attracted them. You might’ve done or said things subconsciously that they picked up on. Total spitballing here - it could also be that you were a good partner and treated them well because you wanted to learn more about what it is as a woman? Or something to that effect? Certainly not the only reason why, but could be part of the equation.
As for presenting as feminine on Oppo - in general, I think that text on a screen is a great equalizer. No one really gives off “gender” when talking rather neutrally on here. I’ll use miss mercedes on here as an example since she’s very open and wil ling to talk about her transition and identity on here. If you just saw a screen name like “Smartypants - now with two extra wheels!” and their avatar was a smart car logo and all you saw were the posts about smart cars and bikes, I don’t think you’d know or be able to guess the gender of whoever was behind it. But that’s not how she does it, and so here we are.
So there’s the long answer. Short answer is - No, but in general most people don’t unless they make an effort to do so. What that means for you is your own decision. If you don’t want to talk about it on here or bring it up on certain blogs, I don’t think people will notice/mind/care. If you want to, you can make an effort to express that part of yourself on here and work it into your posts or content that you post about and we will accept that that’s who “Rainbow” is. Your call.
BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind
> Rainbow
08/28/2018 at 09:42 |
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I’m a guy, and three of the women I dated in HS are now married to women, two are what I’d call “practicing bisexuals”, and at least one is voluntarily celibate. Plenty more are still straight women, married to/in a relationship with a man.
Just saying, correlation doesn’t always equal causation. I’d also be willing to wager that growing up / living with a more progressive population may have an effect, too.
Flavien Vidal
> Rainbow
08/28/2018 at 09:46 |
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Always thought you were a female, but that’s solely based on your avatar... Reading you I wouldn’t be able to guess... I’d go with statistics and that since you’re on internet, you’re in reality a 40 year old white male most certainly masturbating furiously while reading me right now...
TheTurbochargedSquirrel
> Rainbow
08/28/2018 at 09:47 |
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Counter theory: maybe it’s not so much that they are attracted to your feminine qualities as much as you are attracted to lesbian/bisexual women.
Chuckles
> Rainbow
08/28/2018 at 09:47 |
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I don’t think I had previously given much thought to whether or not you were a “regular guy” because I don’t remember seeing you post about dating and relationships or other personal stuff beyond your job/car situations. Also, your avatar looks like a David Willis character, but I haven’t actually read that comic so I don’t know anything about that character.
That is an interesting fact about the women you’ve dated, but dating is anything but random. We all have certain qualities that we look for in other people, and we also have certain traits about ourselves that tend to attract a certain subset of people. That’s not to say that we only date one type of person, but those 5 women hardly qualify as a random set.
Also, I'm glad that you're comfortable being yourself here. That makes me happy.
Vítor
> Rainbow
08/28/2018 at 10:06 |
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English is a very gender neutral language (in opposition to my native Portuguese and other romance languages, which are more gender flexible ), so it is hard to guess if someone is male or female unless they are talked in third person singular. I always thought you were female purely because your avatar pic is female
bhtooefr
> Rainbow
08/28/2018 at 10:08 |
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TBH, somewhere on here I had seen your (dead, I assume ) name, but before then, I actually wasn’t sure?
Usually I end up mentally assuming a masculine default, too (although I do try to use “they” pronouns to describe someone when I’m unsure of their gender ) , but I hadn’t in your case.
Stapleface
> Rainbow
08/28/2018 at 10:14 |
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You know, I never really thought much about your identity. I kind of assumed you were a guy though. Just the general nature of who I would identify with car culture, which is male dominated.
That being said, I’ve long wondered a couple things about transgendered individuals, but didn’t know how to ask. If you don’t mind, could I ask a few dating questions?
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Rainbow
> Stapleface
08/28/2018 at 10:56 |
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Yeah, go for it! Nothing is too personal or too awkward, honestly.
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Stapleface
> Rainbow
08/28/2018 at 11:45 |
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When dating/meeting someone you feel a romantic connection with , do you tell them that you are a trans individual? Or if it comes up, it comes up? I would just wonder/worry about a negative/prejudicial reaction someone might have against the trans person if they didn’t know up front.
TheRealBicycleBuck
> Rainbow
08/28/2018 at 12:09 |
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Guy/Girl/Other - irrelevant to me. I’m more interested in your statistics. The issue is that the people you meet aren’t random, so the sample set is skewed. People self-segregate based on race, religion, color, sexual orientation, etc. and that causes selection bias in your sample set. I won’t take a shot at calculating the true chances of you meeting the people you’ve met, but it’s clear that the chances are much higher than what you calculated based on a random sampling since you’ve met five. One or maybe two, I’d believe. Five? Based on those odds, no way.
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Rainbow
> Stapleface
08/28/2018 at 12:19 |
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It kind of varies from person to person, but I do try to let them know ASAP. Lately, at least online, I’ve been completely up front with it.
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bhtooefr
> TheTurbochargedSquirrel
08/28/2018 at 12:54 |
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That’s an interesting one, because I’m a cis het guy, and have noticed a bit of a pattern in that a lot of the women I’ve been attracted to have been... not heterosexual (at least to some extent). (And no, not for that reason - I’m very much monoamorous, although weirdly I’d have no problem having a polyamorous partner .)
CalzoneGolem
> Rainbow
08/28/2018 at 13:13 |
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All I can say is that I’ve never ever thought of you as a “regular guy.”
Teh Penguin of Doom
> Rainbow
08/28/2018 at 18:47 |
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roughly just 3% of people are gay
wafflesnfalafel
> Rainbow
08/28/2018 at 20:45 |
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I have an aunt who is now an uncle, (completely serious - she/he went though surgery a couple years ago.) The more I think about the whole issue, (at least coming from a fairly traditional straight male perspective,) the more I think the whole thing is more of a sliding scale, both from a male vs. female standpoint and from a how strongly you identify as sexual at all stand point. And I think you are onto something regarding the “comforting female vibe” thing - definitely one of the aspects of attraction, regardless of where you are on the scale.
Longtime Lurker
> Rainbow
08/29/2018 at 17:17 |
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You use a female Avatar so that is what I think of you as. But also in what you’ve written I see a lot a circumstantial evidence towards being posibly trans, most likely part of the LGBTQ community.
Mercedes Streeter
> Stapleface
08/21/2019 at 18:57 |
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I know this is super late to the party (a whole year lol) but I’ll bite as well.
I tell people I’m trying to date absolutely immediately. Feel it’s better to just immediately get it out of the way. Some people will accuse of deceiving them if you don’t do it right away so I just avoid it. If it turns out they aren’t attracted to me, that’s cool. I’ll move on to the next person. :)