The Excursion Was Terrible.

"Berang" (berang) 08/26/2018 at 11:25 • Filed to: None

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Hate is a strong word, and I don’t really hate any cars or trucks really. Because that would be silly, for the most part. Except with the Excursion. Because the Excursion wasn’t simply a “car” that’s bad because it doesn’t meet particular tastes. It’s bad because it was in fact a nuisance, and a hazard.

When the excursion was dropped on this human world, I lived in Colorado, which was a natural market for these abominations. They were everywhere, briefly. At nearly 20 feet long, over six feet tall, and weighing over three tons - most of the people buying them were totally unfit for operating them in public. The accidents they caused were horrifying. Streets were clogged with excursions that were parked haphazardly, in something that probably resembled some sort of attempt at parallel parking. These vehicles were, no great exaggeration, a major public safety problem. You could think of no better vehicular poster boy for placing personal greed and stupidity over the lives and needs of everybody else in your local society than the excursion.

Were there worse vehicles for use in areas where people live? Sure. But generally speaking they were driven by professionals trained to handle them. The excursion was sold on perceived value, of the lowest common denominator sort, “bigger is better, and this is the biggest so it must be the best”. Oh yeah! well you bought the biggest piece of shit on the block, so congrats macho dad. After driving one of these, a Suburban feels nimble. Have you driven one? It’s like driving an F-250, but it’s heavier and you can see less. I have never encountered a vehicle that was more miserable to drive.

Also with a weight approaching that of a small locomotive, these were predictable crap in slippery weather. If you saw one in winter, it’d be usually stuck in a ditch or drift on the side of the road, if it wasn’t busy totaling a whole row of parked cars on a city street.

It’s hard to comprehend how fortunate we are that after the first couple years, sales tanked and Ford mercifully killed the beast. I don’t know how many of these were sent to vehicular hell by cash for clunkers, but it certainly wasn’t enough. Luckily, they are a rare sight today. These were vehicles that fit a few user’s peculiarly niche needs, but were unfortunately bought and used by many who didn’t do anything with them except waste fuel and endanger everybody else on the road with them. And for like the ten people out there who can actually use these boxes appropriately, good for you, but for the rest of us, thank God, they’re mostly gone.

Cash Rewards > Berang 08/26/2018 at 11:58

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Were they any different than a suburban?

HammerheadFistpunch > Berang 08/26/2018 at 11:58

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Just remember that the excursion sport is still with us today

RacinBob > Berang 08/26/2018 at 11:58

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But they are a p opular option for towing race car trailers.

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > Berang 08/26/2018 at 12:04

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It was still shorter and probably lighter than a rolls Royce phantom...

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Berang 08/26/2018 at 12:04

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Yeah... I always hated the Excursion . Overly big, gas guzzling and shitty driving dynamics.

The only thing they really did was offer 8-9 passenger seating combined with 4wd and a good tow rating. Oh and it was also good at being big and imposing so the drivers could intimidate people in other vehicles more easily.

But in reality, a pickup truck is better at towing heavy trailers (via 5th wheel). A full size van is better at carrying passengers. And numerous other vehicles had better on-road 4wd (like a Subaru) or off-road 4wd (like a Wrangler).

In fact, an Expedition was the better option in practice most of the time.

The higher 11,000 pound tow rating the Excursion wasn’t that much of a a benefit in practice because with a trailer that heavy, a 5th wheel is much better than a regular hitch for stability reasons alone.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Cash Rewards 08/26/2018 at 12:05

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They're based on the 250/Super Duty so they are actually biglier.

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > Cash Rewards 08/26/2018 at 12:07

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The suburban of the era was built on a 1500 chassis while the excursion was built on a superduty chassis. It was bigger than an suburban

I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker > Berang 08/26/2018 at 12:17

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It made sense for people with big families. I’m from a family of 7, but you know what we had? An E150. That thing is a beast and better in ever way, except for a lack of 4wd. It has the 351 Windsor and a limited slip diff and was the first car I did a donut in, under my dad’s supervision an d direction.

HammerheadFistpunch > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero 08/26/2018 at 12:17

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You could still get 3/4 ton burbs then.  

HammerheadFistpunch > Berang 08/26/2018 at 12:24

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They had their niche. The trouble with the excursions demographic was that what Ford loyal wanted was a suburban sized vehicle for their large families and towing needs (at least where I lived people had both in spades) but Ford only offered a slightly too small expedition and the too big excursion.  When you had to choose between too small and too big, well, you know the rest.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > HammerheadFistpunch 08/26/2018 at 12:33

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*Excursion Sport Trac

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 08/26/2018 at 12:34

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The Suburban 2500 actually towed more than the 7.3 Excursion, with the 8.1.

Under_Score > Berang 08/26/2018 at 12:34

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The diesel ones are also ridiculously expensive now.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero 08/26/2018 at 12:47

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Shorter, maybe, lighter, definitely not. The Rolls Royce isn’t *that* heavy, given it’s size.

Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks > HammerheadFistpunch 08/26/2018 at 12:49

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Yes, but against all reason, the 3/4 ton is still smaller than the Excursion . Seriously. I’ve been chasing a 3/4 ton 8.1 with barn doors for a tow rig for a while. (12.5k towing and a 22k GCWR? Yes please!)

The Ford Excrement is a should-be-illegal 6.66 feet tall, 19 feet long , and 6.66 feet wide , with a minimum curb weight of more than 7,000lbs and can easily reach FOUR TONS . Four. Fucking. Tons.

The contemporary barn-door Suburban 2500 / Yukon XL is goddamn petite by comparison. Only 6.4 feet high, 6.5 feet wide, and 18.25 feet long with a minimum weight of 5900lbs and a maximum of 6200lbs with four wheel steering and 4WD. Or a full ton less than the Excrement.

edit: Oh, and I forgot to mention. The Suburban 2500 with 8.1 has a 37 gallon  fuel tank with true single digit MPG. So it’s not like it’s particularly efficient. Or that the Excrement carries that much more - 44 gallons, so it’s only 50lbs of swing maximum.

HammerheadFistpunch > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 08/26/2018 at 12:49

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The trouble was nt that you couldn’t find better specialist. It was that it was a very capable generalist... Just more than most people actually needed. That being said, if you had a large trailer and a large family... It was and still is in its own class

Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks > HammerheadFistpunch 08/26/2018 at 12:49

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*Excrement Sport Trac

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks 08/26/2018 at 12:51

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its still SHORTER than a phantom, should we ban phantoms too? fuck that noise and fuck your takes

M.T. Blake > Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks 08/26/2018 at 12:53

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Some diesel trucks are around the same weight. Hell my old 2nd Cummins was 6900lbs and it had tiny pocket doors and a short bed. 

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > HammerheadFistpunch 08/26/2018 at 12:54

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I can’t imagine a Suburban 2500 not having enough room, plus it towed more.

M.T. Blake > Berang 08/26/2018 at 12:57

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I disagree with this - We need them to bring it back. Many of the numbers arent  that much bigger than things you can find today (read: any four door 4wd diesel 3/4 or 1 ton truck). I wish the current Suburban was diesel. The Excursion was based on the Superduty just like how the Suburban was based on the Silverado.

Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero 08/26/2018 at 12:59

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One of these things is operated by someone who knows how to handle a long wheelbase.

The other is the Ford Excrement.

Oh, and the Phantom? 1.5 tons lighter than the Excrement with significantly larger brakes . So, ya know, fuck your false equivalence bullshit, kid.

Cash Rewards > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 08/26/2018 at 13:07

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Wow, didn't realize

Dusty Ventures > Berang 08/26/2018 at 13:12

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The first Excursion I saw in the wild was modified for overlanding and had Alaska plates (I saw it in Massachusetts). I remember thinking “there goes the one person who actually needs that thing.”

Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks > M.T. Blake 08/26/2018 at 13:20

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Uh, that’s because the Excursion is based on a diesel truck. Not that bro-dozers shouldn’t all be reduced to ash, but, most  diesel trucks of that weight are work trucks.

HammerheadFistpunch > Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks 08/26/2018 at 13:21

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As I said in another comment, Ford was stuck offering a vehicle too small ( 1st Gen   expedition) and was losing ground to the right sized suburban, the move to a vehicle sized like the suburban would have been too incremental and wouldn’t have offered much in the way of one upmanship. Plus the next bigger thing was the f250 which made for an easy modification.

HammerheadFistpunch > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 08/26/2018 at 13:25

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3rd row was a little tight with tee n plus aged   but otherwise yeah it was a good size. But you don’t win customers with “ the same as the other guy but with our badge"

NYankee1927 > Berang 08/26/2018 at 13:27

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On the other hand they are perfect for fitting 7 adults, all of our camping gear and tow a trailer full of atv’s and dirtbikes over mountain passes.

Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks > HammerheadFistpunch 08/26/2018 at 13:38

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Yeah, not disagreeing with you there. In terms of “what can we shovel out the door in the next 12 months to cash in,” the Excrement was the logical conclusion.

But it was also absolutely a case of “just because you can doesn’t mean you should .” And bluntly? They shouldn’t have. Ever. Even the truck it’s based on and shares brakes with, is 1800 to 2500lbs lighter.  

M.T. Blake > Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks 08/26/2018 at 13:43

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I’m confused if your first sentence is confirming or trying to argue something else. 

dogisbadob > Berang 08/26/2018 at 13:45

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The best part is that the E-series vans were about the same size but had a lot more room in them

I do still like the Centurion 4-door Bronco tho

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > HammerheadFistpunch 08/26/2018 at 13:51

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I guess the 4Runner has trained me, but I find the third seat to have plenty of room(6', over 250).

HammerheadFistpunch > Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks 08/26/2018 at 13:55

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Nah. The fact that the diesels still command a premium says that it was the right product for the right people. It was just never meant for Mass adoption.

Bman76 (hates WS6 hoods, is on his phone and has 4 burners now) > Berang 08/26/2018 at 14:28

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I learned to drive in my parents V10 Excursion. I loved that thing to death. The best road trip vehicle ever.

bhtooefr > Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks 08/26/2018 at 14:43

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Of course, what about the Econoline?

An E-250/E-350 extended length wagon was 236.7" (6.012 m, 19.73') long, 82.3" (2.09 m, 6.86') tall, and 79.4" (2.02 m, 6.62') wide. I’ll grant that they were a lot lighter, though, but the extended wagons (read: 15 passenger) were legendarily bad handling, to the point that they got stability control standard, and there were companies selling aftermarket suspension to keep them from rolling over .

And then there’s always RVs for vehicles that are being driven by people woefully underequipped to handle them, even most Class Bs are 20+ feet long and ultra-tall...

Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks > HammerheadFistpunch 08/26/2018 at 15:05

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Honestly it really says the exact opposite. Diesels command a premium because bro- dozers and “legendary PowerStroke!!” And being quite blunt, bro-dozer idiots should be forced to drive a Smart for the rest of their lives. Stock.

HammerheadFistpunch > Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks 08/26/2018 at 15:10

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You have strong opinions but you haven’t convinced me.

Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks > bhtooefr 08/26/2018 at 15:29

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Yeah, but how many people do you know cross-shopping a 15 passenger Econoline with a 2-row SUV? Or shopping a 15 passenger Econoline period ? Or Econoline period ?! But I mean, come on man, it’s a Ford. Rolling over in a stiff breeze is mandatory on all non-Europe models. (And bear in mind, I used to wrench on overweight Jeeps and Rams and logged a lot of miles driving them to diag.)

But holy crap do not even get me started on motorhomes. I actually used to work near one of the largest RV and motorhome dealers in the state. And this was back before the whole ‘retire so you can live in an RV and chase low paying seasonal work’ shit that’s been normalized today. And if you want to drive a gigantic 20,000lbs brick here, all you need is  a learner’s permit. No, not a CDL learner.

I cannot tell you how many times I was nearly wrecked by idiots trying to merge. Or how many trailers and motorhomes I saw stuck in ditches next to turning points. Saying the roadway was littered with them was not an exaggeration. Though my favorite was all the idiots with a bumper pull that were dragging the chains.

ranwhenparked > Berang 08/26/2018 at 15:52

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They replaced it with the Expedition EL Max, which was like 5 inches shorter.

Berang > HammerheadFistpunch 08/26/2018 at 17:09

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Not really. 

Berang > NYankee1927 08/26/2018 at 17:11

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You found a market for about 10 buyers right there.

fhrblig > Berang 08/26/2018 at 17:29

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The Suburban was a better vehicle in every way. I drove an Excursion once and it made me want to set it on fire 

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks 08/26/2018 at 17:41

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Where exactly did an excursion touch you son? Show us on the doll. 

Tristan > M.T. Blake 08/26/2018 at 17:56

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The 3/4 ton S uburban isn’t even available any more. There’s a 1 ton Suburban HD only available for fleet sales that has a laughable tow rating.

HammerheadFistpunch > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 08/26/2018 at 17:59

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I grew up in burbs, (7 person family) and by the time we divested from them we were up to gmt400.  maybe the 800's were better but they were all tight.  That being said they were all roomier than the highlanders that followed for 3rd row room.

Tristan > Berang 08/26/2018 at 18:00

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I have the GM version (Suburban 2500). The Excursion is bigger, sure. I wouldn’t call it worse, though. It came with more engine and transmission options than the Suburban with similar (albeit slightly lower)  tow ratings. You could even buy one with a manual!!! If it weren't for my intense hatred for modular engines, I probably would have bought one over my Suburban.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > HammerheadFistpunch 08/26/2018 at 18:28

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Again, maybe my idea of roomy is skewed, because the 4Runner’s front seats are tighter than an NA. 

M.T. Blake > Tristan 08/26/2018 at 18:41

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I know it sucks! I don’t see any point other than length to buyin a Tahoe over a Suburban. And then why not get a 3/4ton?! Back in the day the 3/4 ton could be had with the 454. My dad hated his 1/2 ton 350 Suburban. It was a dog. 

NYankee1927 > Berang 08/26/2018 at 23:34

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I’m still glad they made it. We could carpool for all of the family camping trips

Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero 08/26/2018 at 23:44

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Just as soon as I find the doll.

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks 08/27/2018 at 07:04

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Thats not even an excursion. That's an Expedition

Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 08/27/2018 at 07:35

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Since when is low 20s for mileage gas guzzling for a 3/4 ton?

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness 08/27/2018 at 07:51

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The excursion doesn’t get into the low 20s. If my memory serves me, they average around 8-9 mpg with the v10, around 12 mpg with the gas v8 and maybe around 15 or 16 mpg with the 7.3L diesel.

Oh sure there are some who might claim they got as high on the low 20s in the diesel when they check their mileage on a “taking it easy highway driving” road trip.

But that’s not gonna be the year-round mileage in the vast majority of cases.

Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 08/27/2018 at 07:59

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The 3 diesel Excursions I’ve been in all averaged 18-20 mpg mixed and would pull 23-24 on the hwy.

The V10 was crap for fuel economy and the V8 was too underpowered in them, but the diesels really are an impressive ride.

Maximum Ecoboost > Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks 08/27/2018 at 09:46

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I actually have both of these monsters at the moment. 2003 sub 2500 8.1, 2003 X 7.3PSD. The sub is 6400lbs with fuel and a 200lb driver, the X is 7560lb with fuel a 200lb driver. X is a very large vessel, but I find it drives ok and is incredibly maneuverable for something of that size. The turning radius is better than the suburban.

The X’s GCWR is 20,000lbs where the sub is either 17,000lb with 3.73 gear or 19,000lb with 4.10 gears. Ford is more conservatively advertised at 10,000lb trailer where Chevrolet will allow for 10,500 or 12,000 depending on axle gearing.

my sub gets 9-10mpg empty in town and 6-7mpg with a 7500lb 36' travel trailer. The x does 15-17mpg empty in town and 10-11 with the same trailer.

The suburban has better suspension for towing but despite the brutality of a 496 cubic inch big block, it is still lacking oomph compared to the diesel.

I prefer the gate/hatch to the barn doors myself. I always had trouble seeing out of the barn doors on my tahoe. My sub has the hatch and it’s much easier for me. X’s 3 door combo thing is goofy, but effective.

Maximum Ecoboost > NYankee1927 08/27/2018 at 09:48

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Me too! Just got one for my family of 7 and the accompanying bigass camper. It’s either the hard-to-find suburban 2500 or an excursion.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness 08/27/2018 at 11:58

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Well when I look at fuelly.com, for the 6L diesel, this is what I see:

And for the 7.3L diesel, this is what I see:

So it looks like the 6L diesel can maybe average 20mpg if you baby it and know some hypermiling techniques.

And one person managed to get 44mpg... but that had to be due to either advanced hypermiling... or putting in garbage data:

http://www.fuelly.com/car/ford/excursion/2004/jjkacarter/821257

But that’s not the mileage reality most of the time.

Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 08/27/2018 at 12:07

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Be nice to know how much of this time is spent towing/hauling as well.

Like I said, the 3 diesel Excursions I’ve spent time in had no issue averaging 18-20 mpg in mixed driving. 23-24 mpg cruising on the hwy was a cake walk.

Maybe these guys are the asshats trying to clip 90mph on the hwy with a trailer swaying behind them. That would explain the 15 mpg hwy.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness 08/27/2018 at 13:16

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Also whether it was 2wd or 4wd would also impact fuel economy as well.

Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 08/27/2018 at 16:15

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All 3 of these were 4wd.