The Most Scathing Take on The Tesla Model 3 You'll Read Today!™

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck) 06/28/2018 at 19:16 • Filed to: Unnecessary capitalization

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Brace thyselves. Feathers shall be ruffled.

[Ahem]

I don’t like that the blinker and turn signal share — and are — the same three-ish LEDs in the tail light. All that space and they utilize this little sliver? What’s the deal? Couldn’t even make them aternate to amber ? Seems like a waste. Doesn’t seem very safe either, they seriously look like marker or running lights, not brake lights.  

Thank you.

jkm7680 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 06/28/2018 at 19:21

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If you can afford a Tesla, you can afford to pay for the gas of a regular car. 

Chariotoflove > jkm7680 06/28/2018 at 19:23

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It’s not about the gas or money.  It’s about being one of the unwashed masses vs. one of the enlightened on the One True Path ™.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > jkm7680 06/28/2018 at 19:23

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You're contributions are like ur face: I don't care for either very much!

cmill189 - sans Volvo > jkm7680 06/28/2018 at 19:24

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jkm7680 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 06/28/2018 at 19:24

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ur attitude and chandeliers i want neither  

Chariotoflove > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 06/28/2018 at 19:24

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You are correct, since I have read nothing else on the Model 3 so far today. But t hat could change.

Future Heap Owner > Chariotoflove 06/28/2018 at 19:25

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Mostly that, but also about that acceleration. Have you driven one? Having a flat torque response curve is pretty nice. You can pass at 75 like nobody’s business.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Future Heap Owner 06/28/2018 at 19:27

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Good thing he’s a fan of gas, as it is the only thing he passes

cmill189 - sans Volvo > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 06/28/2018 at 19:28

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I agree with you. How a lot of cars pass through DOT regarding rear lights is a question I’d like answered . There’s that ugly Kia thing that looks like a catfish from the front. What you would think are rear reflectors or just marker lights are the turn signals. They’re like on the ground. That red truck doesn’t run the turn signal and brake at the same time. So when the other side is burned out (often because the lights leak) and the signal is on...no brake lights . Except the 3rd.

Chariotoflove > Future Heap Owner 06/28/2018 at 19:29

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Nope never have, but that doesn’t fit into the pithy meme I was referencing.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > jkm7680 06/28/2018 at 19:32

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Yes, but you won’t be as impressed with yourself...

Honeybunchesofgoats > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 06/28/2018 at 19:33

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I get so triggered by LED turn signals that cut out the headlights/DLRs and turn into the signal . “You got me this time, fucker, but next time I’m going head-on into you.”

Matsayz > cmill189 - sans Volvo 06/28/2018 at 19:34

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Remember when Jalopnik used to do posts about informational things??? Pepridge Farms remembers...

RallyWrench > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 06/28/2018 at 19:35

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The lights are way too small, especially compared to the size of the housing. This is a good take. 

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > jkm7680 06/28/2018 at 19:37

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...and so on...

Ash78, voting early and often > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 06/28/2018 at 19:41

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I will never buy a car with red turn signals. The Venn diagram of where laziness, tradition, and stupidity meet.

Future Heap Owner > Chariotoflove 06/28/2018 at 19:42

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memes > nuance

SPAMBot - Horse Doctor > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 06/28/2018 at 19:55

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I agree with this take. They have this yuuuuge tail light assembly but make the brake light/turn signal tiny. The model x does this as well. Not a fan but at least it’s better than the A7's Bigly center tail light that is brighter than 37 suns on a hot summer’s afternoon. I might have permanent eye damage from being stuck in traffic behind one at night.

cmill189 - sans Volvo > Matsayz 06/28/2018 at 19:55

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I member 

cmill189 - sans Volvo > Matsayz 06/28/2018 at 19:57

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Jalopnik is basically free advertising for the Engineering Explained guy, pictures of rust, and reviews of cars no one can afford. 

facw > cmill189 - sans Volvo 06/28/2018 at 20:01

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Also Torch! 

Chariotoflove > Future Heap Owner 06/28/2018 at 20:27

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In  today’s internet.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 06/28/2018 at 20:28

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I have similar feelings toward the Explorer

Future Heap Owner > Chariotoflove 06/28/2018 at 20:56

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Been September for a while

fintail > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 06/28/2018 at 21:11

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The front end is nothing to write home about, either.

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > jkm7680 06/28/2018 at 21:59

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UR attitude and large boobs are... uhh... ummm... I forgot where I was going with this.

winterlegacy, here 'till the end > Chariotoflove 06/28/2018 at 22:08

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inhale

I BOUGHT  A TESLA SO I CAN SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT AND ALSO IT’S MORE EXPENSIVE THAN YOUR CAR AND I GET THIS AUTOPILOT FEATURE THAT MEANS I DON’T HAVE TO ACTUALLY DRIVE IT.

Please tell me to never do that again.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Chariotoflove 06/28/2018 at 22:17

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Please see below.

His Stigness > Ash78, voting early and often 06/28/2018 at 23:12

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When I realized my e-Golfs have red turn signals I started researching how to fix it. But I can also spend around a thousand dollars to get real Euro ones. 

Chariotoflove > winterlegacy, here 'till the end 06/28/2018 at 23:18

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That was eerily well done.

Chariotoflove > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 06/28/2018 at 23:22

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Above? Yo u mean the Southpark Prius one? Yeah, that had me chuckling a bunch when it came out.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Chariotoflove 06/29/2018 at 07:46

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The Smug episode. That show is so over the top. The bits that aren't to vulgar and offensive I enjoy.