Oh God! I am a Dad, and I don't even have kids!

"KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time" (kngt) 06/11/2018 at 22:16 • Filed to: the onion, shitpost, shitposting, Funny

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Who did dis? How did they know!?

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

also, this related starterpack is too relevant to me

fhrblig > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 06/11/2018 at 22:07

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I don’t get how this is satire. This is how I go to the airport.

For Sweden > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 06/11/2018 at 22:10

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This has been me ever since I acquired lounge access

Tekamul > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 06/11/2018 at 22:13

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I am reading this at an airport. I’m not even going anywhere.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 06/11/2018 at 22:22

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Last time I flew I was at the gate four hours ahead of my flight.

smobgirl > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 06/11/2018 at 22:24

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Flying once a week, I’d get through security about ten minutes before boarding.

Every. Trip.

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > Tekamul 06/11/2018 at 22:24

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Just in case you have to fly somewhere later this year...

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > For Sweden 06/11/2018 at 22:26

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Pleb/Peasant here. What is this “lounge access” that you speak of?

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/11/2018 at 22:26

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Oh shit did you miss the flight?

For Sweden > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 06/11/2018 at 22:30

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It’s where you have to climb a set of stairs, sit in a fluorescent-lit room, and have an open bar or real food, but not both.

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > smobgirl 06/11/2018 at 22:30

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I if I were forced to do spmething like that I’d cancel the flight and leave the next day.

For Sweden > Tekamul 06/11/2018 at 22:31

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Bruh not even NATCA can save you from a “reading Oppo on duty” citation.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 06/11/2018 at 22:31

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Something I get for free for carrying one of my credit cards...

For Sweden > smobgirl 06/11/2018 at 22:31

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Real road warriors arrive just as the jetway door is closing

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > For Sweden 06/11/2018 at 22:32

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wow must be nice hanging out with the likes of Fancy Kristen...on second thought I think she has her own private jet

Tekamul > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 06/11/2018 at 22:35

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Best cinnabon in town

smobgirl > For Sweden 06/11/2018 at 22:41

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I didn’t say I get to the gate in time. Need to stand in a 25 minute line at Dunkin first!

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > For Sweden 06/11/2018 at 22:41

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My eyes started twitching just reading that.

It’s hapened just once and I missed the flight. It was a delayed onnection ( I dont book ones less than an hour for this reason)

smobgirl > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 06/11/2018 at 22:43

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The one time I left home two hours early to try to take light rail to the airport, I missed my flight. A truck got high centered on a crossing somewhere and they just left us sitting there.

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > smobgirl 06/11/2018 at 22:48

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See! THIS is why you leave 14 hours early

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 06/11/2018 at 23:02

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It was close but I made it.

smobgirl > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 06/11/2018 at 23:05

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Nah, it just meant I only had to spend 4 hours in Omaha instead of 8.

WilliamsSW > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 06/12/2018 at 00:20

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When you travel a lot for work, the way to win is to spend as little time as possible in both a) the airport and b) your hotel room.

Back in the pre- 9/11 days I would leave my *apartment* about an hour before the flight departed, and with TSA pre-check you can still get to the airport 45 minutes before departure and you’re fine.

WilliamsSW > smobgirl 06/12/2018 at 00:21

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If you go through Chicago at all, I have two words for you - Tortas Frontera.

Just do it, don’t ask.

smobgirl > WilliamsSW 06/12/2018 at 00:26

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That’s almost the only decent food at that airport! Love it.

WilliamsSW > smobgirl 06/12/2018 at 00:28

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It’s pretty much the best food at any airport- and use the app to dodge the line.

smobgirl > WilliamsSW 06/12/2018 at 00:32

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LAX has cronuts or else I would agree.

WilliamsSW > smobgirl 06/12/2018 at 00:34

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Shit - where? I go through there a lot (T4) but have never really looked for anything more than bourbon there.

smobgirl > WilliamsSW 06/12/2018 at 00:41

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La Provence, I think. I had a $20 voucher to spend at 7 am (thanks, Joe Biden) or I never would’ve stumbled in.

DipodomysDeserti > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 06/12/2018 at 00:47

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Dad here, and I have been the last one through the gate with two kiddos on several transcontinental flights.

I flew for the first time without my kids last fall and it was glorious.

“Yes, I will have a another cocktail, since I only have to worry about my own pants being pissed on this flight!”

WilliamsSW > smobgirl 06/12/2018 at 00:48

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Damn, just flew back from LAX a week ago and our gate was right by that place (LAX-ORD usually goes from the gates at the end just past it).

Noted for next time, thanks!

random001 > smobgirl 06/12/2018 at 06:32

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Priorities!!!

random001 > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 06/12/2018 at 06:32

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I’d probably send you into an apoplectic shock if I recounted stories of my traveling days. I won’t do that to you...