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"Svend" (svend) 06/08/2018 at 23:22 • Filed to: None

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Things To Think About
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,”Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have “S” in it?

Why are haemorrhoids called “haemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

The Crazy Kanuck; RIP Oppositelock > Svend 06/08/2018 at 23:42

3

11.5/10 exocution.

fhrblig > Svend 06/08/2018 at 23:42

1

“Is there another word for synonym?”

Maxima Speed > Svend 06/08/2018 at 23:57

5

Ol Svendy’s been hittin the bottle again.

smobgirl > Svend 06/08/2018 at 23:57

1

My parents used to throw some wild parties when I was a kid. We had a chalkboard in the bathroom the partiers would use and it was full of these.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Svend 06/09/2018 at 00:42

2

Late Friday night and a shit post fucking master class.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Svend 06/09/2018 at 02:55

3

I thoroughly enjoyed this.

Svend > Maxima Speed 06/09/2018 at 05:45

3

I hit the bottle in self defence, it attacked me.

Svend > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 06/09/2018 at 05:48

0

Cool.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Svend 06/09/2018 at 06:43

2

i think there’s something in that for all of us.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > Svend 06/09/2018 at 07:06

0

Were you drunk when you wrote this?

Svend > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 06/09/2018 at 07:41

0

No, not at all.

Just felt in the mood for something lighthearted.

DipodomysDeserti > Svend 06/09/2018 at 08:31

2

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

I actually had to explain this one to an angry parent once. Not sure I did a better job than Darwin at explaining genetic drift.

Svend > DipodomysDeserti 06/09/2018 at 09:12

0

There are some people who you need to explain stuff to, this is probably the least concerning.

Trying to explain to a neighbour that the earth is not flat, that’s something you shouldn’t have to explain.

He honestly used the example of, ‘well how can I have a cup of water and the water not fall out and Australians have a cup of water and it not fall out into the air’. I asked him if he was messing with me as I couldn’t tell because he had such a straight face.

DipodomysDeserti > Svend 06/09/2018 at 19:16

1

Gravity, how does that work?

Good to see that America isn’t the only nation failing it’s students in the sciences department. We’ll all be speaking Mandarin soon...

Svend > DipodomysDeserti 06/09/2018 at 19:33

0

He’s in his late 50s and got prosecuted a couple of years ago for growing cannabis.

He’s just an idiot really.

Thinks everything in the world is a conspiracy and the government is lying about absolutely everything.

DipodomysDeserti > Svend 06/09/2018 at 19:39

1

Well, it’s good to know that potheads are the same the world over. Honestly, I’ll take a pothead over a religious zealot. Worst the pothead is going to do is just think about their crazy conspiracies...for hours on end.

Svend > DipodomysDeserti 06/09/2018 at 23:35

0

Can we not just put both types in a room and lock it!?