"Nah man, Golfs are totally reliable. I dailied one for three years."

"I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker" (qaaaaa)
06/04/2018 at 16:46 • Filed to: Golf, Check Engine Light, Fuck

...said my brother. The Vortex was split 50/50 on it- either it’ll be amazing, or terrible.

Bought it Friday. Started learning stick that evening (am I a true Jalop now?) Put 100+ miles on it. Drove to work Monday morning. Everything was going fine, until...

Bam. Three miles from the office. Fuck. I finished the drive, went in, got to my cube, and looked for the nearest parts store. They can read an OBDII port, right? Wait, this is a building full of engineers. One of them has got to have a reader.

“Hey Bob, do you happen to have an OBDII reader? I bought a car on Friday and it threw a code at me on the highway.”

“Yeah, but it’s at home. I can bring it tomorrow. What did you get?”

“A Golf from ‘96, same as me. I’ll just go to a parts store on my lunch.”

“Oh, they won’t be able to read it. VWs are... Special. I’ve got the VAG-COM cable at home, I’ll bring it tomorrow.”

So, I hit the google. Ross-Tech. Shit, $650 for a cable and software? Ah well, Bob will bring his tomorrow.

“Oh yeah, by the way, you should get one of those cables. You’re gonna need it.”

To Craigslist! There was only one for sale on all of my local list- somehow, it was only a few miles away.

Five hours later and three hundred bones poorer, I’m at home with a Ross-Tech VAG-COM to USB cable and software on a USB drive. I love this car, but I named it Jolene, because she’s amazing, but she’s betrayed me and I’m going to lose sleep over her.

Wish me luck.

EDIT: Aaaaaand the results are in! O2 sensor AND camshaft position sensor. To Autozone we go!

Edit 2: My Haynes manual cost three whole dollars. However, there is no camshaft position sensor in my car. Not as in “it’s not there,” as in, “there was never a camshaft position sensor on this car from the factory.” What.

Edit 3: “Camshaft position sensor” is apparently code for “hey your timing is slipping, do the belt.” So that’s good.

Edit 4: It may also be the Hall Effect Sensor. Hey, Emag! Something I understand! Unfortunately, the Hayne’s manual says not to try this one at home. Today is Monday. Time to cross my fingers and hope I don’t grenade the engine. Sigh.

DISCUSSION (11)

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker
06/04/2018 at 17:08

Obligatory

Kinja'd!!!

promoted by the color red > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
06/04/2018 at 17:18

Ooh, must have been taken at the most recent Wörthersee.

Echo51 > I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker
06/04/2018 at 17:20

Friend has one, we did a ritual send-off on his old shitty winter tyres(read: burnout). promptly needed a new lower ball joint after that.

Also on his 2nd clutch goign ded now, but that’s more diesel power+bad driving likely. What engine is yours?

My citroen won't start > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
06/04/2018 at 17:30

I’ve had the Passat Wagon for almost 2 years now. It isn’t that bad.

*water pump grenades itself for the third time*

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker
06/04/2018 at 18:50

Your brother is either a liar or is suffering from VAG-ownership-PTSD.

I’ve had conversations with people selling their overpriced VAG cars initially claiming they had ‘no problems in x number of years’... and then I ask about HPFPs, ignition coils, window regulators, trim bits, O2 and other sensors and other stuff... and suddenly it seems they didn’t truly have ‘no problems’.

I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly
06/04/2018 at 19:05

Yeah, no. His car was a total shitbox. The guy I got mine from said, straight up, “yeah, these things eat coil packs. Also I rebuilt the transmission and did a valve and gasket job recently.”

Decent for $1400.

OmerCarrothers333 > I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker
06/04/2018 at 22:11

There’s a new app/dongle combo called OBDEleven that’s super-popular with the VAG crowd. $79 for the dongle and app, BUUUUUT it runs on Android. If you’ve got an Android phone or non-Apple tablet, you’re good to go.

But since you bought that VAG-COM setup, you wouldn’t happen to be in Utah?

I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker > OmerCarrothers333
06/04/2018 at 22:38

Oh, I hadn’t heard of that. I’m an android user, but having the Ross-Tech setup may be useful down the line, plus I’ll be able to sell it any time I want for about what I paid. $300 is the usual used price for them.

And no, Ohio I’m afraid. This poor Texas car is going to get wrecked by our salt...

I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker > Echo51
06/05/2018 at 06:36

I’ve got the 2.Slow with a five speed

for Michigan > I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker
06/23/2018 at 18:29

RIP every piece of ferrous metal on that car.

I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker > for Michigan
06/23/2018 at 20:20

Yep. There’s a sticker on the windshield for Texas registration in 2012, so at most it’s been up here for six years. There’s already rust in the door frames, which is a weird place to start. Oh well. It just needs to last me the next three years to finish college and grad school.