Alright You Invertibrates Learn My Tex-Mex Jambalaya and Evolve Yourselves

"FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com" (alphaass) 05/27/2018 at 23:15 • Filed to: foodlopnik, Cooking with Gaskets

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Awwwwwww yes. Time for another episode of Cooking with Trail of Head Gaskets. Today we take a bunch of cheap ingredients and make a spicy cheesy concoction that has no business existing but is delicious as hell. Come on in for gas grill Tex-Mex sausage jambalaya.

Full Disclosure: I may possibly be drunk and typing this on my phone.

Jambalaya. The quintessential Cajun dish. Yeah that’s too high class and lacking processed cheese for my redneck Texas self. So we’re gonna see if we can add cheese without making it gross and without making it expensive.

The star of this dish is cheesy sausage. As in the sausage that has the bits of cheese in it. You know, the classy stuff. Look you know it’s good shit when 13 oz. costs the same as 14 oz. of the non cheesy stuff. I got “Texas Cheddar” smoked sauagage at H-E-B but any cheese filled smoked sausage will do. McCormick also makes a good one and it usually has cash back on Ibotta. And don’t give me that crap about how Ibotta is the devil because they make money by selling your personal preferences. Cash back is cash back! Anyway, toss that amazing and totally healthy cheese filled creation of God on the grill at low heat and move on to the next step.

Ok get a medium sized pot on the side burner. If you don’t have a side burner I really can’t help you. Get your ass to Home Depot and get a new grill. It’s Memorial Day weekend they are probably having a decent sale right now. Also get yourself a drink. It’s hot out right now right? Probably it’s late May. Coffee tumblers work great at keeping sangria cold. Thank me later.

Put in two cups of water and 3 chicken bouillon cubes. If you make this with real broth you’re missing the point. Bring the “broth” to a boil while taking a break to consume wine or beer or whiskey or whatever and possibly flipping the sausage and then toss in one cup of white rice. Again, the cheapest stuff possible works great. Reduce heat. It helps to keep a pitcher of water around because some of the water may have boiled off and there might not be enough to get the rice really fluffy. If your rice isn’t fluffy this dish is going to suck.

Once the rice starts to fluff up toss in a tablespoon or so of taco seasoning. If you live in a part of the nation where you can get Fiesta brand taco seasoning in the jar use that. If not move somewhere you can. The Southwest is better anyway If that really isn’t possibly you can use Old El Paso packets I guess. This will determine how spicy your final concoction is so don’t fuck it up.

Your sausage is ready when the skin is slightly blackened and cracking. If you don’t get it to this point you just wasted your time and would’ve been better off just putting it in the rice without grilling. Yeah my cutting board is gross. Whatever I haven’t gotten sick from anything I’ve cut on it yet.

Fuck you dog not for you.

Next check the rice. If it’s too firm add some water and cook a little longer. If it’s fluffy add some chunky salsa to the rice. I use Walmart’s house brand Fresh Cravings chunky. You know it’s good because it’s in the refrigerated section. But it’s Walmart so it’s still cheap. Fucking double duty. Also - PSA - it’s usually on Ibotta too.

Ok so throw in like a quarter cup or so. You wanted something more specific? I’m not your fucking mother use your judgment!

Stir that shit in.

Next cut the sausage into slices and toss that into the pot.

Mix it all up. Fucking glorious. You’ve made Tex-Mex jambalaya. Cheap and delicious and feeds about three Take another drink you’ve earned it.

But wait we’re not quite done. Plating is half the battle. Any self-respecting cheapskate has several open bags of store brand shredded cheese in the fridge at all times. Top with a shredded Monterrey jack blend and sour cream. Keep it bourgeoise and use the thick cut stuff and a pink plate.

Or you can use the fine cut cheese and a ceramic plate you schlub. NBD tho it still tastes great. So grab some salt and lime for your beer and enjoy. For an extra kick add some Sricracha sauce like the lead picture. I buy that in bulk online so don’t accuse me of ruining it by adding fanciness at the end! And that’s a wrap. Hopefully I’ve left you with something to add to your arsenal of dishes to make with a mix of cheap ingredients and things you probably already have laying around.

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com 05/27/2018 at 23:17

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I was about to write a strongly worded comment, but then I realized that wasn’t ketchup and mayo in the first pic.

Carry on.

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 05/27/2018 at 23:26

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Sour cream and sriracha bro!

M.T. Blake > FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com 05/27/2018 at 23:27

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Excellent. Looks delicious. Another food that comes out looking the same way it went in!

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com 05/27/2018 at 23:29

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+10 for sour cream

-500 for sriracha

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > M.T. Blake 05/27/2018 at 23:31

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Haha yeah I should’ve made a comment about how it tastes better than it looks.

chaozbandit > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 05/27/2018 at 23:31

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Gimme dat secret aardvark goodness

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 05/27/2018 at 23:34

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*gasps* you take that back! Look I get it sriracha is overrated but it’s a handy garnish. ANYWAY I SAID IT WAS OPTIONAL x_x

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com 05/27/2018 at 23:36

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Hot sauce hot take: sriracha is terrible

I put Colombian or Mexican hot sauce on anything that needs an extra hint of spiciness to it.

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 05/27/2018 at 23:48

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I’m a big fan of tomatillo and jalapeño based green sauces. But I think sricracha has its place as a concentrated spicy thing. You can keep a big bottle in the fridge for a long time and not worry about it. I prefer it to Frank’s or Tabasco. I mean I’d prefer real Mexican and Columbian hot sauces. But like I said redneck ;)

WilliamsSW > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 05/28/2018 at 08:58

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Sriracha is fine, but grossly overrated, and mostly belongs on Asian food.

Cholula, on the other hand, is fucking awesome and Tabasco just wishes it was Cholula.

WilliamsSW > FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com 05/28/2018 at 08:58

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I would eat the hell out of this, without the sour cream (ick).

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > WilliamsSW 05/28/2018 at 09:28

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It’s still pretty good without it. My daughter won’t eat it unless there is sour cream because she thinks it’s too spicy.

Phyrxes once again has a wagon! > FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com 05/28/2018 at 09:28

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Alright I may be a heretic since this dumps the sauce pan for an instant pot but my kids love this stuff, recipe incoming.

Disclaimer this is our modified version of a recipe I found online so in no way did I come up with this from scratch.

1 white onion diced (my kids like onion so adjust as needed)

6 strips bacon diced (not cooked and diced, its getting sauted so the bacon fat is going in the dish too)

1 clove garlic minced (my kids like garlic so adjust as needed)

1-2 tbsp olive oil

12 oz sausage(diced, crumbled, sliced or whatever; more on this later)

2 cans red or black beans rinsed and drained

2 c rice uncooked (don’t rinse it it messes with the texture)

2 1/2 c “broth” (it doesn’t matter what kind)

2 c water (yes, this is in addition to the “broth” its in an instantpot so you need the extra water)

1 tsp cumin

1 tsp salt (we use season salt here)

Cooking directions (this uses the instantpot for sauting and as a rice cooker for the final dish)

1. Put Instant Pot on saute, high. Add olive oil. Add onions, garlic and bacon and sausage (if not precooked). Cook down until bacon cooks a bit and onions soften.

1a. If you are using precooked sausage you can add it now, and warm it along side other ingredients.

2. Turn off the instantpot and add everything else, and stir it all up.

2a. We often add hot sauce depending on the sausage we used.

3. Put lid on IP and close steam valve. Push rice button. That is low pressure and a 12 minute cook time (Note: those settings are what the instantpot defaults to when I hit the rice button ).

4. When it beeps do a quick release, stir, (season more if desired) and serve!

Sausage note: we have used andouille, chorizo, and a variety of other “spicy” sausages. If i’m not grilling the sausage ahead of time I prefer the uncooked stuff so I can just crumble it in with the bacon and everything else.

WilliamsSW > FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com 05/28/2018 at 09:47

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Yeah, I like spicy but don’t like sour cream.

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > Phyrxes once again has a wagon! 05/28/2018 at 10:11

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This sounds really good. And despite the schtick I actually do own an Instant Pot. This gives me an excuse to do something more than just boil eggs with it.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > WilliamsSW 05/28/2018 at 11:21

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You were right until you were very wrong.

Cholula is garbage (as is Tabasco). The good stuff in a bottle is Tapatío. You can almost invariably tell whether a Mexican restaurant will be good or bad based on which of these two they bring out and stick on your table (real Mexicans keep condiments cool, usually in a refrigerator).

WilliamsSW > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 05/28/2018 at 12:32

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Ha - Tapatio is better, I’m not gonna argue that. But I only see that in actual Mexican joints- usually in places that make their own salsa which is a million times better than any of this shit. I see Cholula more in Tex Mex and breakfast joints etc etc.

WilliamsSW > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 05/28/2018 at 12:47

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this is a photo from my local joint - called “Taco Grill and Salsa Bar” because that’s literally what it is.

Note the ratio of hot salsas to mild. This is true awesomeness.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > WilliamsSW 05/28/2018 at 12:54

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You’re not wrong. Tapatío is the sad option at most places that offer it, since they do always seem to offer salsa they make themselves.

I thought of saying something similar, but figured this was a bottled sauce fight.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > WilliamsSW 05/28/2018 at 12:59

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I love those spicy pickled veggies. Mmm.

This does look like what I’ve seen at many places, but for some reason many taco shops put their sauce in squeeze bottles. One of my favorite places up here I can ask for habanero salsa and they give me a squeeze bottle of stuff that blows my mind.

WilliamsSW > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 05/28/2018 at 13:04

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I figure that there are levels, with Tabasco more or less at the bottom and escalating to that salsa bar in the picture.

I actually like Cholula, because whenever I’m looking at that it’s either Tabasco or Cholula. So it’s an easy call.

Can’t recall having el Tapatio in a while, probably because anyplace that has it usually has better options too - and won’t have Tabasco on the premises.

El Yucateca is another good one.

And as a general rule, the more the label brags about how hot it is, the crappier the sauce is.

WilliamsSW > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 05/28/2018 at 13:09

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Note the two Xs by the pickled veggies. They’re very hot at this place. Same here, the combo of hot and pickled is delicious to my taste buds.

Squeeze bottles would certainly be more sanitary, I’m sure. This place has too many different kinds of salsa to do it, I suspect. Plus they would have to label them all, etc.

They rotate recipes, too - what they have changes from day to day. Not sure why, really.

Their xx and xxx stuff is truly hot too -