The worst lie about cars I ever told

"ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper" (thedlo)
05/15/2018 at 13:25 • Filed to: None

I miss the chance to submit my lie, but as this is our corner I will share it here.

So, as some of you know I’m a wagon guy, but what you dont know is I wasn’t always.

Back story: My first car ever was an 03 camry, far from my first choice, I actually begged my parents for an FC RX7, but parents rarely give you want you want, Hispanic parents especially, so instead they gave me what I needed which was 4 wheels of boring. Great car, blah blah, always starts, loads of “the ability to go from point A to B” as my father loved to point out.

Fast forward to 2012, my then girlfriend (now wife) got into and accident totaled her car (some crappy Hyundai), after hearing some of the poor suggestions to replace it with lesser cars I decided to do the “selfless” thing and sell it to her for next to nothing (we were very much in love so I saw it as giving her the best car her dad wouldn’t buy, while also keeping it in the fold since what was hers was soon to be mine and vice a versa). So with that tiny bit of money I put a down payment on my first wagon !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

Now for the lie; My mom forever felt I had a lead foot, she thought I was going to take this opportunity to buy something fast and reckless, silly her. So when I told her I was getting a boring Audi wagon she was relieved. My reasoning was that it was mainly for the dog, and how the trunk area was more comfortable than the back seat. She ate it up, and I flew out to St. Louis Missouri with her blessing and some more financial support, (moms are the greatest, amiright?)

It wasn’t till a few weeks later when some of her friends came by the house and one of the husbands pointed out what a sweet ride that was, and how fast it was, and how it was basically a sleeper. (I was on my way out of the house, so I missed the exchange but was filled in my sister about the conversation.) She asked for the man who outed me for a comparison to her car (an 07 GS350), and he said “oh it’ll spank the doors of your car.”

For context her GS350 was the fastest car she has ever driven, and was very aware of how quickly it’ll pass 100 without you really noticing.

That evening was fun, I still feel her gaze tearing into me as she asked me to tell her more about my “boring” Audi. She also thought that my dad and sister knew about it, they were just as clueless, and here I thought the exhaust would have been a red flag, but they all probably thought it was a leak.

As you can see, I tried to keep it as low key as possible, not tints, no stickers, like the good lord intended.

I no longer have that wagon, and although my current wagon isn’t as fast as the former, she still doesn’t like to drive with me.

DISCUSSION (20)

bob and john > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper
05/15/2018 at 13:30

winning!

Thats kinda what I did with the SV.

“its just a 650, not like I can get into a lot of trouble with it. its a sports touring bike ffs!”

3 years later mom gets photos of me on the dragon and it becomes VERY apperent the bike has a LOT more sport then touring in it.

*shrugs*

ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper > bob and john
05/15/2018 at 13:34

They cant handle the truth! lol

And subconsciously I was a more careful driver, just to keep up the lie, and when I was outed, to demonstrate being responsible.

Never got a speeding ticket in that car, now the current one.... I got 2 in the first month of ownership, go figure LOL. Half the HP twice the trouble.

CaptDale - is secretly British > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper
05/15/2018 at 13:41

This is the best thing I have ever heard!

That is kinda of how I pushed from getting help getting a new car from boring to looking at a 911 and ultimatley bought a 2006 GTO.

Mom test drove the car harder than I did....

Svend > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper
05/15/2018 at 13:43

To be honest I read it like this. How many times in our youth did they lie to us and use it as blackmail to be good about the existence of the tooth fairy, santa, easter bunny, god, etc...

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper
05/15/2018 at 13:45

Fast wagons are an experience. Being in a car that was my same year that fast was weird as well, but even more so when theres bikes and luggage behind you.

functionoverfashion > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper
05/15/2018 at 13:48

That is awesome, and part of the reason I always wanted a tuned V70R to haul my kids around. No one suspects a Volvo wagon.

In fact, our next one might very well be an XC70 with the T6 and a Polestar tune good for 325hp. Because why not?

smobgirl > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper
05/15/2018 at 13:48

Hahahaha this reminded me of my Dad a bit. He’s a car guy but doesn’t necessarily pay attention to cars that he doesn’t care about, so he knew the Fiat had been reincarnated when I bought my Abarth but that was about it.

He called me one day to say that a Fiat had pulled out in a small gap in traffic next to him and floored it (as you do, to politely not hold anyone up of course) and was mine that loud? And that quick?

Of course, Dad! I mean, it’s safer that way, right?

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper
05/15/2018 at 13:53

My mom forever felt I had a lead foot

To be fair, this is standard mothering protocol.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper
05/15/2018 at 14:00

I don’t know how you lived through that searing gaze of disapproval. You don’t lie to your Hispanic/Latino elders of any kind.

It makes me wonder how there are any Mexican gang members. I mean, a fate worse than prison/etc would be for the police to call your Madre. A fate worse than death would be for them to call your Abuela/Abuelita. I’m more afraid of the disapproval of my Tia Mary than I am of just about anything short of death.

ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
05/15/2018 at 14:03

True, but, she knows I get it from her.. When I was a young lad, she over steered a honda accord, not quite sure how ones does that, but speed was a factor.

My dad on the other hand, he drives so slow, its just a matter of time before he gets rear ended.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper
05/15/2018 at 14:08

Hey, I drifted our Montana quite often. 10/10 would recommend over a Caravan.

ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper > Eric @ opposite-lock.com
05/15/2018 at 14:09

LMAO, I think she just wasn’t as surprised, like her suspicions were only confirmed. She knows I love cars, so I told her, despite her disapproval, how I made a wise decision, instead of getting a coupe that I would have to sell as soon as I need the car seat space, or practicality in general, I settled on a car that will handle every stage of my life. She appreciated that at least.

Im still deathly afraid of them, and I dont even live in the same house anymore, but they pick and choose their battles. They did tell me that if I got any speeding tickets they would make me get my own insurance. So the threat was there. I guess I should add that to the main story LOL.

Discerning > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper
05/15/2018 at 14:13

A completely stock B5 S4 and a GS350 should actually be relatively close in terms of acceleration.

Granted, I said stock. The 2.7T in the B5 S4 obviously has significant potential, even with very limited modifications.

ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer
05/15/2018 at 14:14

Fun fact, when I was really young, I used to have a poster of the Montana, it took a while for me to realize it wasn’t as cool as their marketing campaigned made it seam....

Again I was really young, and all the good magazines were really pg-13, Mom was thorough.

Klaus Schmoll > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper
05/15/2018 at 14:17

When I told my mom about going to Wales for Europpomeet, she was like “so you’re going to be cruising together”. Yeah, sure, let’s call it that.

To a German, “ cruisen ” sounds like driving slowly to to be seen in your car, basically showing off.

ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper > Discerning
05/15/2018 at 14:21

Yea, had I gotten it a virgin, It would have been acceptable. But the previous owner squeezed all the ponies he could out of the stock snails, full turbo back exhaust, upgraded intercoolers, and more fuel. It was an MTM stage 3. (stage 4 for MTM is when they added the larger turbos)

It achieved peak torque at 2000 rpm.

ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper > Klaus Schmoll
05/15/2018 at 14:22

A stroll, one might say on this side of the pond LOL

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper
05/15/2018 at 14:32

Cool? Never. Fun to drive? Shockingly... yes, or at least a very small stretch to a yes.

duurtlang > Klaus Schmoll
05/16/2018 at 04:45

That’s what I told my parents as well. They’re still deeply concerned about everything, despite living 800 kms away and me not having lived with my parents for 17 years now.

ihm96 > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper
11/05/2018 at 17:25

Lol this was me when I came home with my Clownshoe. My mom had seen pictures of the car and assumed it had back seats and wasn’t anything fast until she saw it in person and actually looked at it up close. I had bought a Corvair prior though so it was seen as a much safer and responsible choice anyways since it actually had airbags, seatbelts and traction control