"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
03/13/2018 at 10:39 • Filed to: Taketheoutsideline, Satire
22
10|
"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
03/13/2018 at 10:39 • Filed to: Taketheoutsideline, Satire | 22
| 10 |
Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Terrible freestyle rap edition.
1 st Wipe : Tesla Model 3, drivin me a bit crazy, future’s looking hazy and the company’s lazy while they get it up to speed, it’s what I need, call it greed, but it’s all justified, I got the law on my side, so if you’ll take a step back, excuse my moanin’ and my bitchin’, I love it so much I boil rabbits in its kitchen.
2 nd Wipe : Hyundai…oh! Hyundaaaaiii…oh! Ad man called, now he’s gotta go home. Touching ladies, talking crazy, always screaming at subordinates, it’s inordinate, now his coordinates are away from his peeps, what a creep, in too deep now to do any good for his crew, time to sue, and sit back and learn about all the effects of MeToo.
3 rd Wipe : Tesla, back again, just a couple wipes later, always in the news so just ignore all the haters. Still not sure if they’ll procure a car plant somewhere in China. Infrastructure has to puncture, put those tariffs behindya. Build the Tiers, calm the fears, bring logistics alive, then one day Elon shares all his Shanghai supplies.
4 th Wipe : GM service gonna let you go rent out your ride, like an AirBnB but you can drive it outside. Strangers take your car in exchange for some cash, bring it back, smells like ass, and the inside’s all trashed. Call it what you want, GM’s naming it Maven, but if you ask me to partake — “Nevermore” quoth the raven.
5 th Wipe (SPEEDMETAL BREAK) : Lashing out the action, returning the reaction, Diesels ripped and torn away. Hypnotizing power, crushing all that cower, Battery is here to stay. Smashing vee-dub’s boundaries, innovation found me, cannot stop the battery. Pounding out investments, turning to electrics, cannot kill the battery.
Flush
: Herbie, 1969, I’m out.
random001
> Ash78, voting early and often
03/13/2018 at 12:06 |
|
God damn, dude....
Snailkite
> Ash78, voting early and often
03/13/2018 at 12:15 |
|
This is better than anything I’ve read on Jalopnik in many years.
Chariotoflove
> Ash78, voting early and often
03/13/2018 at 12:26 |
|
The Compromiser
> Ash78, voting early and often
03/13/2018 at 19:14 |
|
Best one yet. Better than David Spade.
|
Ash78, voting early and often
> The Compromiser
03/13/2018 at 19:23 |
|
You liked Spade?! Thank you. I thought everyone hated it. One of my favorite SNL bits from the 90s
|
The Compromiser
> Ash78, voting early and often
03/13/2018 at 19:38 |
|
I’m old and have a good appreciation for comedy. I was going to comment that you should do one as the Breakfast Club, or James Spader in Pretty in Pink (Steph).
Dennis Miller might not translate to the written word, but would be fun. Or Bill Murray in various roles. Or Harold Ramis as Egon! As Trump tweets? Christian Slater as Happy Harry Hard-on. DID I MENTION I’M OLD??
Or as the Sorority President from the email reading that Michael Shannon did!
System of a Down? Ozzy? Captain Kirk?
At any rate, you rock. Fuck the Haters. You do what you do.
|
Ash78, voting early and often
> The Compromiser
03/13/2018 at 20:31 |
|
You may see one of these in the future, thanks for the ideas!
|
The Compromiser
> Ash78, voting early and often
03/14/2018 at 08:03 |
|
NP. I think some may not work for most. I have the uncanny ability to read in the method intended. I read the whole thing as Eminem. I don’t know any other freestyle rappers as I am hopelessly old, white, and Canadian. Michael Buble does not freestyle to my knowledge...
|
Ash78, voting early and often
> The Compromiser
03/14/2018 at 09:11 |
|
Geddy Lee?
I’ll save that one for 12/21, or as the Europeans would say 21/12.
Speaking of Canadians, I think some Norm MacDonald would be in order.
|
The Compromiser
> Ash78, voting early and often
03/14/2018 at 13:55 |
|
Yes!
Geddy Lee doing Freestyle Rap is now stuck in my head BTW. And each line has “Tom Sawyer” in it!
And Norm would be great.