"t0ast" (t0ast217)
03/06/2018 at 11:00 • Filed to: Car Shows, Photo Dump, Satire, Banh Mi Sandwich Is Best Sandwich
6
18|
"t0ast" (t0ast217)
03/06/2018 at 11:00 • Filed to: Car Shows, Photo Dump, Satire, Banh Mi Sandwich Is Best Sandwich | 6
| 18 |
I was a little bored last weekend, so I figured why not take a trip on down Kansas City Auto show and make up some arbitrary awards for all that is strange, amusing, interesting, and disappointing? Still with me? Then away we go:
The Best Manual Shift Knob Award
Goes to the Ford Focus ST. Manual shift knobs which are stolen or otherwise missing are the norm at many car shows, leaving naught but a shift boot and protruding bolt. Ford deserves some recognition for putting in the extra effort to provide us with a nice duct tape facsimile. I suspect that it’s only a matter of time before it too is stolen.
The Least Deserving of Being Made Inaccessible to Attendees Award
Goes to the Fiat 124 Spider. FCA is cool with leaving their Hellcats out and unlocked, but this little roadster was apparently too much for us to handle. Also pay no attention the Mazda booth a few hundred feet away with both versions of the ND out on the floor.
The Someone Didn’t Get the Memo That the Front Seats Are Supposed to Be the Comfortable Ones Award
Goes to the Chevrolet Bolt EV. I’m not sure how they managed this, but the rear seats were somehow more comfortable than the fronts. Congrats Chevy, you did it.
The This Is Going to Knock Somebody’s Kid Out Before This Event Is Over (Not That I’d Mind Too Much Considering Their Generally Poor Behavior) Award
Goes to the Mini Cooper Clubman S, for fitting some surprisingly beefy struts to its low-effort, side-open rear doors. They swiftly fly open with the touch of an electronic release, so I figured it was only a matter of time before one came into contact with some kid’s face. I unfortunately did not have enough time to stick around and verify my hypothesis.
The Most Disproportionate Leg Room to Head Room Ratio Award
Goes to the Infiniti Q70L’s rear seats. Unless we’re talking about a different kind of head.
The Most Stereotypical Brand Representatives Award
Goes to Lincoln’s two old white men who were talking among themselves more than they were with attendees. Great job on shaking up the brand image, guys. I do have to say, the new Continental is pretty nice though...
The I Didn’t Know They Came in That Color Award
Goes to the VW Golf GTI. ObamaNotBad.jpg
The Worst Infotainment Control Interface Award
Goes to Lexus (multiple models). How the hell do they expect you to navigate that entire screen with a non-self-centering joystick that has a range of motion spanning less than one square inch? I’m no stranger to precise mouse controls for PC gaming, but this is just too much.
The Is This Really the Best Place to Be Informing Me About the State of My SD Card? Award
Again, goes to Lexus.
The Who Thought This Was A Good Idea? Award
Goes to the Toyota Camry “Rowdy Edition”. I tried for as long as I could to hold down my lunch and try to find any redeeming qualities in this special edition car, but came away empty-handed (and nearly empty-stomached). I didn’t realize it was possible to make fake chrome and carbon fiber look so... fake. In the time it took me to snap these two photos and flee, I heard no fewer than five individuals expressing their disgust.
The I Apologize for Subjecting You to That Monstrosity, Please Accept This NSX and i8 to Help Make Up for It Award
I think you can figure this one out.
The You Really Couldn’t Add Any More Leg Room in the Wagon Version? Award
Goes to the VW Golf Alltrack, for having alllllllllll of this cargo space...
... and yet only this much rear leg room.
The Is This How Rich People Go Off-Roading? Award
Goes to the Range Rover Velar. I heard that driving over rocks can get dirt on your car. Gross.
!!! UNKNOWN HEADER TYPE (MULTI-LINE BREAK?) !!!
Goes to the Subaru Legacy’s front seats. I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel too skinny for a bucket seat, and yet, here we are. Not even the American sedan offerings felt as wide as these.
The Excuse Me, I Asked for Velvet Ropes, What Is This? Award
Goes to the Mercedes-Maybach S650 Cabriolet. Likely the most expensive car at the show, and yet here it sits on the floor, cordoned off by plebeian retractable belt posts.
The Most Surprising Rear Passenger Space Award
Goes to the Subaru Impreza (hatchback). Obviously this eats into the cargo space a bit, but I’m 6'2" and these were easily the most spacious rear seats out of all the smaller sub-$30k cars I tried. The WRX’s rear seats felt miserable by comparison.
The But Why Tho Award
Goes to whatever is going on here.
The Most Aggressive Hatchback Roof Slope Award
Goes to the Chevrolet Cruze. I hope the rear passengers enjoy staring at black fabric more than whatever might be outside, because that’s about all they’re going to see.
The I Really Want to Sneak On to This Platform Award
Goes to the Ford Ranger. The Tacoma is just a little too small for me, and I’m not a big fan of Chevy’s interiors, so this might be my only hope in the mid-size truck segment. As expected, I couldn’t squeeze the nearby Ford representative for any new power/economy/tow numbers, but it would have been nice to at least let us see it up close.
The @Brand #Swag Award
Goes to Hyundai and their boisterous hype man, luring in passers-by with promises of gift cards, Bluetooth dongles, and battery packs. I have spent many hours training myself to resist such siren songs and was able to escape with my marketable personal information intact.
The Best Seats Award
Goes to the Volvo V90. They’re as good as the reviews say they are. If you can’t get comfortable in here, then I’m not sure you can get comfortable anywhere.
The Someone Else Please Start This and Get Kicked Out of the Auto Show for Me so I May Listen to the The Song of Its People Award
Goes to the Jaguar F-Type R. I REALLY want to hear one of these in person.
!!! UNKNOWN HEADER TYPE (MULTI-LINE BREAK?) !!!
Again, goes to the Jaguar F-Type R. That thing is more pointy than it looks. It also might just be that I’ve been playing too much Planescape: Torment recently and had punch daggers on the mind.
!!! UNKNOWN HEADER TYPE (MULTI-LINE BREAK?) !!!
No matter what your brand loyalties might be...
... the best truck is the one that can serve up a good Bánh mì.
fintail
> t0ast
03/06/2018 at 11:25 |
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I had an F-Type S as a rental car in Germany a few months ago. I can attest that the exhaust is somewhat flamboyant in loud mode.
WilliamsSW
> t0ast
03/06/2018 at 11:54 |
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Great stuff!!
I’ve had a Lexus with that infotainment interface for 3 years now. It’s f**king useless, and it appalls me that they haven’t replaced it yet.
Also, I used to work at a dealer that supplied cars to the auto show, absolutely anything that can be pried off, WILL be stolen over the course of a week or so. And god forbid you don’t put locking gas caps on everything...
Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz)
> fintail
03/06/2018 at 12:14 |
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[Galileo Humpkins quickly searches travel deals to Germany]
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t0ast
> WilliamsSW
03/06/2018 at 12:28 |
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My condolences. I really don’t know how I could live with one of those.
As for the thefts, I’d believe it. I’ve seen so many missing bits and pieces of trim at various shows, but what takes the cake for me is witnessing someone put in the effort to walk off with one of these VW infotainment modules that live under the passenger seat:
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t0ast
> fintail
03/06/2018 at 12:30 |
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See, now you’ve got me jealous. How was it to drive?
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WilliamsSW
> t0ast
03/06/2018 at 12:30 |
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It’s been a good car other than that annoyance. Bottom line is that I use my phone for directions, not the GPS with the lovely 12" display on the dash.
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fintail
> Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz)
03/06/2018 at 12:30 |
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The rental fleets can be astounding. This was a paid upgrade from the 4er coupe I had reserved - but not an expensive upgrade (around 30USD per day, inclusive of 0 deductible insurance), it was worth it.
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Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz)
> fintail
03/06/2018 at 12:38 |
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It’s incredible to me that both rental fleets and taxi fleets across Europe have so many amazing cars.
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fintail
> t0ast
03/06/2018 at 13:03 |
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My DD is a diesel E-class, so it is a bit of a different world. Sounds great, as fast as expected, surprisingly decent build quality (although the tech isn’t the sharpest), not as thirsty as I expected. But, claustrophobic with the top up, iffy visibility (good reason to have the top down), not subtle. I drove maybe 1000 miles in 5 days, it was fun.
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fintail
> Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz)
03/06/2018 at 13:06 |
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Few year old S/A8/7 taxis aren’t uncommon, maybe retired rentals.
The amount of well-equipped normal cars and S-RS/M/AMG cars in fleets is remarkable. When I picked up the Jag, my reserved car was a basic 430i, so I asked what else was available. I was an easy upsell for the S-Type. There was also an M3, but it had hit the mileage limit and was being retired. Most extravagant car was an S600. Numerous nicely equipped 5ers and equivalent. When I rented from the same location a couple years prior (Stuttgart City location, Sixt), there was an i8 in the fleet there.
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Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz)
> fintail
03/06/2018 at 16:32 |
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I could go, stay for 2 weeks, and have the best time just renting different cars.
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fintail
> Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz)
03/06/2018 at 21:29 |
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The bills might add up, but often worth it on those roads. It was great fun zooming around the countryside in that Jag.
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Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz)
> fintail
03/07/2018 at 00:29 |
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Of course they would. But compare that to paying (I’m assuming) at least double to get less rental fun here. I’d do it. I’d make a big trip of it, see sights and towns I’ve always wanted to visit. Totally worth it. If we had more time for our honeymoon, that’s what we would’ve done.
Gerry197
> t0ast
03/07/2018 at 03:58 |
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Did I miss the truck reward pic at the end?
xyzabc
> t0ast
03/07/2018 at 06:04 |
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Two awards here in one Photo. Good eye!
1) “BEST ABANDONMENT OF / NOTHING LIKE THE ORIGINAL VERSION” AWARD.
...and
2) “BEST EXAMPLE OF THE WORST EVENT CARPETING COLOR” AWARD. (Sponsored by Toyota Camry)
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fintail
> Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz)
03/07/2018 at 09:51 |
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Make time for it, these are the good old days.
The Jag ended up costing me well under $100/day - and that included full cover 0 deductible insurance. Without that, deduct about $25. When I rent domestically, I generally rely on my own policy or the credit card, but when abroad, I like peace of mind against any drama - and they are much more thorough about damage inspections when you return the car.
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t0ast
> Gerry197
03/07/2018 at 10:14 |
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Nope. Food truck is best truck.
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Gerry197
> t0ast
03/07/2018 at 10:45 |
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Oh, now I see it, I had to play a little bit of find Waldo, good one!