The Morning Sh*t – Your Daily TL;DR Summary of Jalopnik for 3/5/2018

Kinja'd!!! "Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
03/05/2018 at 10:34 • Filed to: Taketheoutsideline, Satire

Kinja'd!!!8 Kinja'd!!! 4

Welcome to The Morning Sh*t! Happy Monday, Oppo.

1 st Wipe : Legislation over the rollout of autonomous cars not making much progress. If only there were some kind of well-heeled lobbyist group, like a “National Roadways Association,” to help push this through in the face of overwhelming evidence against its safety.

2 nd Wipe : Major Daimler shareholder Geely got its start by taking apart the boss’s Mercedes, but were unable to put it back together again. So if selling cars doesn’t work out, they can always go into business as a Mercedes service center.

3 rd Wipe : Mexican and Canadian trade ministers prepare to get out the whiteboards and explain Econ 101 to Trump, assuming the man believes anything Milton “Fake News” Friedman ever wrote.

4 th Wipe : Lexus thrilled over product placement in Black Panther. Daimler-Chrysler still mad their 2002 cameo in The Weather Underground didn’t work.

5 th Wipe : 2,500 workers in GM-Daewoo factory voluntarily resign positions and accept packages. Working for GM, you’re always in a position to take a package either way.

Flush : David Buick died in obscurity today in 1929 after William Durant pulled the ol’ “ !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ” sellout trick on him (funfact: !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! was actually born in 1929 in Detroit. Coincidence?)


DISCUSSION (4)


Kinja'd!!! boredalways > Ash78, voting early and often
03/05/2018 at 10:54

Kinja'd!!!2

1st Wipe: wait, wouldn’t the “National Roadways Association” only push more toll roads on us, including tolls on city streets?

At least the potholes would go away.


Kinja'd!!! Ash78, voting early and often > boredalways
03/05/2018 at 10:57

Kinja'd!!!5

As long as I can do rapid-fire driveby toll paying, spraying the booth with pennies, I’m okay with this.


Kinja'd!!! Spanfeller is a twat > Ash78, voting early and often
03/05/2018 at 11:01

Kinja'd!!!0

Considering Trump is an idiot, I bet our trade ministers could convince him to turn the Mexican Peso into the official currency of those blue states he seems to hate so much. then when the dollar looses value to the peso he’d say “hey, dollars are cheaper so it’s better!”

Maybe he’s that stupid... who knows?


Kinja'd!!! fintail > Spanfeller is a twat
03/05/2018 at 11:08

Kinja'd!!!1

I’d love to see his college transcripts. Wharton should be ashamed.