I just washed these windows, AMA

"AestheticsInMotion" (aestheticsinmotion)
03/02/2018 at 22:49 • Filed to: None

The “Morman military money,” edition.

This is one of my favorite clients, partially because she is incredibly kind, treating my team and I like family, and partially because she’s super generous with tips, food, drinks, and trampoline time.

Yeah, you read that right. The first time I did this job, I noticed the trampoline set into the ground. I commented on it after finishing the windows because I’d never seen that before, and she responded with “why don’t you go and test it out? I’ll come get you when the cookies are done hun!” Ten minutes of jumping later (you didn’t think I was going to decline, did you?), she brought out a tray with fresh chocolate chip and gooey cinnamon cookies, bottles of Gatorade, and some homemade fudge.

I’ve been coming back about six times a year ever since then. Why so often...? Well, she entertains. Quite often. School events, church events, local singles events, weddings, holidays, bonfires, cookouts, you name it. And she has the perfect house for it. I don’t know what acreage is by looking at a property but I’ll say that she has at least two football fields worth of cleared land, which is mind-boggling in this area. And the home itself.... Is ideal for company.

This is a by far the largest “island” I’ve seen in a kitchen. Triangular, with two sinks on one side, a long basin meant to be filled with ice and drinks, one sink on the other side and a wine cooler (wait, I thought Mormans were anti-drinking..?). Three chandeliers for Zoidberg.

Tons of natural lighting. Each window pane has a solarium window above it. Now that I think about it, this kitchen has SIX sinks. And three ovens, two stoves, with a total of ten burners. Half a million drawers, by my best guess.

There’s a pool too, although it’s pretty standard for this area. Nothing unique here. Some friendly animals though.

Do you think this critter would support my weight? Probably be a speed boost over the Miata.

There’s a theater room upstairs, with this sparkly tile on the counter tops where the popcorn maker and drinks are held. ALSO ANOTHER TWO SINKS

Formal dining room. Err... I think. Of the two dining rooms, they’re both about equal in terms of formality, but this one is connected to the room dedicated to family photos so I assume that means it’s the formal one.

And the main staircase. The house is nice. Well built, about thirty years old, with good quality windows. I don’t particularly love the style, but I certainly don’t hate it.

That said... I DO hate the three skylights on the left side. The roof is too steep to climb, so I have to get them from the gutter line by long poling off a ladder. Mild inconvenience. My guys all can the homeowner “the Gatorade lady” and practically fight over which crew gets to do her house during the summer months.

Speaking of which, if you’re having people come to your home to do labor outside in 90+ degrees... Offer water. Offer drinks. Offer a bathroom. Be a nice human. I promise you’ll end up with much better work and much better prices than the guy treating hired work like trash.

This was a good day. Here’s what the next job’s son drives. Oh and I just noticed that the brick facade is only on the front, normal sideboards along the other sides.

DISCUSSION (16)

Ash78, voting early and often > AestheticsInMotion
03/02/2018 at 23:05

I hate to say this, but the curb appeal is so formulaic McMansiony, it might as well be in a Northen Virginia tract housing development.

It’s just so incongruous with what looks like an otherwise amazing house.

And I honestly can’t remember the last time I saw a trampoline without a safetly enclosure. If you ask nicely, maybe she’ll let you play with the lawn darts and the three-wheeler!

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > AestheticsInMotion
03/02/2018 at 23:05

If this was in UT, nobody would find it even marginally unusual. Maybe the land attached, but otherwise... They have ridiculously massive houses for their big families.

fintail > AestheticsInMotion
03/02/2018 at 23:08

Woodinville/Redmond/Novelty Hill triangle, or maybe Bridle Trails?

Maybe longtime residents who bought when you only needed to be reasonably affluent, rather than a zillionaire.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Eric @ opposite-lock.com
03/02/2018 at 23:25

Can confirm: sibling lives in Provo and has six kids.

AestheticsInMotion > fintail
03/02/2018 at 23:32

Sammamish/Issaquah border. Few blocks up from the lake.

I don’t know. Father was Military, mother stay at home mom. Not really sure how things came together with that... They’re not particularly old, definitely not 50 yet.

AestheticsInMotion > Ash78, voting early and often
03/02/2018 at 23:32

So much more convenient! I now want a trampoline set flush with the ground at my next home. Lovely

AestheticsInMotion > Eric @ opposite-lock.com
03/02/2018 at 23:34

That’s the thing. Unlike most of the gigantic homes I go to, this one gets used. Every room. All the time. And honestly, stepping into the home feels like stepping into Salt Lake City

Ash78, voting early and often > AestheticsInMotion
03/02/2018 at 23:41

I’m actually sort of planning that — burying the legs about halfway and digging out a bit from below the center.

Most serious trampoline injuries are falling. But all the minor ones are tweaking limbs or crashing your face into your knee, stuff like that.

But sooo much fun.

lone_liberal > AestheticsInMotion
03/02/2018 at 23:44

My great aunt had a place in Issaquah that had big lot but not nearly that big and the house was much smaller. She had a pony that my cousin used to ride and, for some reason, peafowl. That’s where I learned that peacocks were noisy as hell.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > AestheticsInMotion
03/03/2018 at 00:14

Temple picture, Jesus picture, and family picture in that sort of shrine they all have, too?

Another odd thing? Mormons are positively obsessed with trampolines. I had never encountered one until my parents moved us up there.

HammerheadFistpunch > Eric @ opposite-lock.com
03/03/2018 at 01:07

Can confirm, feels like par for the course. Its a little silly

HammerheadFistpunch > Eric @ opposite-lock.com
03/03/2018 at 01:08

Kids like trampolines. No mystery there

fintail > AestheticsInMotion
03/03/2018 at 01:31

Developers must be beating down the door trying to get at that lot.

Lucrative “private sector” (sarcasm) military contractor, family money, lucky investment, settlement, could be a lot. Sounds like they are kind people though, that’s what counts.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > HammerheadFistpunch
03/03/2018 at 02:26

Yes, but if you came from somewhere else the difference is dramatic. In SoCal many people had pools, but nobody I knew had a trampoline. Hell, we also built more treehouses in SoCal, since Utahns hate trees (as a result, we built forts in fields, under decks, and dug holes to build the closest equivalents to treehouses).

diplodicus forgot his password > AestheticsInMotion
03/03/2018 at 07:40

I jumped on a trampoline like that as a kid but they didn’t dig the hole deep enough so we kept bottoming out. I also broke my arm on a trampoline good times.

I’ve seen these crazy spring free trampolines around too but haven’t bounced on one yet. Then springs are vertical and totally covered instead of the horizontal springs on most trampolines.

DipodomysDeserti > AestheticsInMotion
03/03/2018 at 09:24

My BIL is a colonel with a doctorate in the AF. That’s a hell of a lot more than military money.

Unless he found some of Sadaam’s gold...