Canadian Darkest Timeline: Confirmed

"Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero" (sampsonite24) 02/23/2018 at 11:24 • Filed to: None

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Canada lost to Germany today in the semifinals meaning Germany goes on to play for gold and Canada has to fight for bronze. I’m loving these Olympics as a German-American. DIE MANNSCHAFT

(yesI know that’s a soccer thing and I don’t care)

For Sweden > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero 02/23/2018 at 11:30

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The country with the better beer has to win the hockey games. It’s the rules.

MonkeePuzzle > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero 02/23/2018 at 11:33

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this is my favourite thing of the week

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MonkeePuzzle > For Sweden 02/23/2018 at 11:33

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oh, australia wont stand a chance!

fosters, it’s australian for beer (made in canada so it says “imported” in the US)

fintail > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero 02/23/2018 at 11:34

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Germany has their work cut out for them vs Stalputinland.

With there being no real pros in these games, I assume the Canadian team is made up of first run rec league players from Canmore and Oakville.

For Sweden > MonkeePuzzle 02/23/2018 at 11:35

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“But we don’t drink Fosters!” the ozzies scream.

They should drink Fosters considering the alternative is Carlton Draught.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero 02/23/2018 at 11:36

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This is some delicious schadenfreude... Also Canada currently:

For Sweden > fintail 02/23/2018 at 11:37

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Live pictures of the German team defeating the “we don’t actually represent Russia wink wink” team

MonkeePuzzle > For Sweden 02/23/2018 at 11:37

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the aussies all drink VB or XXXX, it’s not any better than coors, bud, or fosters :D

fintail > For Sweden 02/23/2018 at 11:38

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Someone must have stopped the steroid/dope shipment.

Revenge for 1945, this could be amusing.

For Sweden > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero 02/23/2018 at 11:38

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German commentary at the end of the game

https://streamable.com/3wdg7

For Sweden > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 02/23/2018 at 11:41

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Maybe the curling team can help oh wait :D

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero 02/23/2018 at 11:49

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Well, they earned their fries and cheese curds, let’s see if they can get the gravy. They’ve already blown the bacon and maple syrup.

Anyway, I hereby lay my full support behind the Germans in the hopes that they curb-stomp the Russians.

***

Now the game... It’s been the same story the whole way through this tournament for Canada. They can hang onto the puck forever when they want to, but can barely do anything to get it away from the boards. Also, they don’t near enough, and when they do it’s often straight into the goalie instead of looking for an open corner. Shocker—they couldn’t score!! Should have brought a couple players from the WJC team for a little more offensive bite. The line that was there to just to get physical was their often their best offensive line—that tells you something.

Anyway. Coulda woulda shoulda. Frankly I was expecting, at best, a medal round appearance and thought there was a good chance of them getting bounced before that. Well, they’re there. Yeah you always want to win it all but the group has, overall, met expectations.

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Congrats to Germany... they’re always an annoying team to play, good for them to finally make it pay off. Now destroy Russia for me.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > For Sweden 02/23/2018 at 11:50

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Does that mean the US womens team will be stripped of their medals?

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > fintail 02/23/2018 at 11:50

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*Lethbridge players were not available to participate in the Olympics due to their family day holiday festivities and a crazy house party planed at their Whitefish Montana vacation home.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero 02/23/2018 at 11:50

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The reaction of the Germans in the two-man bobsled final was awesome.

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > For Sweden 02/23/2018 at 11:51

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i dunno id take lebatts or molsons over Beck’s or oettinger

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > fintail 02/23/2018 at 11:57

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They’re all pros... but from Europe.

Which gives Russia a huge advantage since they’re sitting on a mine of players who could legitimately be in the NHL but decided to stay home. It also means USA and Canada were at the disadvantage since anyone they had wouldn’t even have a chance at making an NHL team, unless they used WJC players (should have). The rest of Europe is kind of in the middle.

Having the NHL out is a pretty big leveler. Not bad actually, makes it pretty interesting. Still not a fan of big ice hockey though... the IIHF should adopt Finland’s “compromise-sized” ice.

For Sweden > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 02/23/2018 at 11:57

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No

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero 02/23/2018 at 11:59

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Also it would be hilarious if Russia beat Germany for Gold... and then had their medals stripped. Seems to be more doping getting uncovered.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > For Sweden 02/23/2018 at 12:00

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Then your rule is invalid.

For Sweden > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 02/23/2018 at 12:03

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*sips a Kokanee*

nope

fintail > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 02/23/2018 at 12:10

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I agree about WJC players - that might have leveled the field a bit. The NHL really throws a monkey wrench into things, and I am disappointed the best talent from all nations wasn’t able to be on display.

When I was a kid back in the 80s and 90s, I was really into Russian hockey, as I saw it as much more strategic and intellectual than some of the bad old days leftover play that existed in NA. Today, I am maybe not as big a fan, it will be tough to root for them - an underdog like Germany going all the way would be extremely memorable.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > For Sweden 02/23/2018 at 12:15

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Well if you don’t like Kokanee I’ll gladly take it off your hands

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > fintail 02/23/2018 at 12:20

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I want Germany to curb-stomp the Russians. Alternately, for the Russians to edge Germany and then get busted for doping.

As far as best-on-best goes, if we’re totally honest that’s the NHL and we get to see it every year instead of every four. The Olympics without the NHL has been interesting—arguably more so on some points.

Honestly I’m most annoyed by the NHL not going because of Canada’s chance at threepeat gold. Would’ve been nice if Bettman had skipped Sochi instead so the question wouldn’t come up.

fintail > Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer 02/23/2018 at 12:51

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I’ll be rooting for Germany too, no doubt. An underdog, and not unlikable. Less chance of doping there, too. It’d be hilarious to see Russia taken down for it no matter if they win or lose.

The league should have decided long ago about Olympic participation, and made it permanent. But with sniveling weasel Bettman and the evil dark forces involved with NHL ownership, one can’t ask for much in terms of logic or accountability, aside from sweet sweet expansion fees.