Which One Of You Loons Is This?

"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion)
02/19/2018 at 19:52 • Filed to: unnecessary car shopping with E90M3

Searching Craigslist for “bmw wagon” as I so often do, I stumbled on this: It’s an Allroad, and it’s a manual! Well maintained! It’s been his wife’s DD for 6 years (I’ve also heard that line before). He starts listing off all the things that have been done recently, and names a few big ones, like air suspension pump, timing belt service, then this classic line: “Being a used car it does have some tinkering that could be done to it.”

ETA: !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

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I suppose that *could* mean, “has a few loose interior parts, and/or quirky things like the sunroof only opens when it’s above freezing.” But in this case, it more likely means, “Dash is lit up like a Christmas tree.”

The thing is, this guy doesn’t just have an Allroad that his wife has been driving. He’s got a problem. He’s no !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! but he appears to have at least three, perhaps four Allroads right now, in addition to a V8 S4, all currently for sale. In one of the pictures, you can see another burgundy Allroad, but he’s only selling one of the burgundy ones, so it seems. Still, look at this:

https://nh.craigslist.org/search/sss?userid=104037328

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And !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! - yes, you read that right, he’s asking for money to be given to him for this car, rather than paying you, the soon-to-be-broke new owner:

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It’s tough, because these cars are so cool. And they are capable of driving under their own power for several miles at a time - I mean, this one has 230k on it! So that says to me, someone has really put in the time and money to keep this thing working properly, to have covered all those miles. It also might just be time for round two (or three!) of all the usual issues. Maybe he’s made this one work by cannibalizing the rest of them?

He’s also got an E46 in the pictures, so there’s that too.

It’s okay, you can admit it if this is you. Come on, we won’t judge.

DISCUSSION (24)

Ash78, voting early and often > functionoverfashion
02/19/2018 at 20:01

Yeah, this guy sounds like the Doctor Moreau of Audis. Don’t get anywhere near him. Especially if you have an Audi.

Mini Guy- Now has a 4Runner > functionoverfashion
02/19/2018 at 20:13

Not gonna lie, i’d buy them. Even though head gaskets have a bad history with me https://oppositelock.kinja.com/ffs-1819251621

OPPOsaurus WRX > functionoverfashion
02/19/2018 at 20:25

You need four all roads just to drive one

BaconSandwich is tasty. > functionoverfashion
02/19/2018 at 20:43

Part of me is curious to know how bad it could be to own an Allroad.

The other part of me is sane.

WilliamsSW > functionoverfashion
02/19/2018 at 20:47

This guy needs an intervention.

EDIT- second ad says he has a total of SIX Allroads for sale plus the S4.

functionoverfashion > Ash78, voting early and often
02/19/2018 at 21:11

Or like, maybe he kept one of them running?? Yeah, still probably bad news.

functionoverfashion > Mini Guy- Now has a 4Runner
02/19/2018 at 21:11

Ha! I know, the salvage title one for ~$1500 is so tempting

functionoverfashion > WilliamsSW
02/19/2018 at 21:12

It seems like his wife (?) has staged said intervention; the prices aren’t completely bonkers I know what I have kind of prices, you know?

functionoverfashion > BaconSandwich is tasty.
02/19/2018 at 21:14

I mean, the glimpse of his life that we can glean from these ads, it what it’s like to own one. You buy one, then find a second one really cheap for parts , then somehow the first one breaks down worse than the parts one. While driving that one, you find another one and can’t resist, because this one’s a manual too! And so it begins.

functionoverfashion > OPPOsaurus WRX
02/19/2018 at 21:14

Someone pointed out that in one of the ads, he has a total of SIX of them, all for sale of course.

Offer him $5k for all of them together.

WilliamsSW > functionoverfashion
02/19/2018 at 21:18

Haha I think you’re probably right.

I have this temptation to give him a good running Honda Accord in exchange for the whole lot, and tell him it’ll be alright.

functionoverfashion > WilliamsSW
02/19/2018 at 21:20

hahaha, I mean, just get him to fix that ONE E46, by comparison those are bulletproof. I can’t believe he has SIX OF THEM. But somehow, of course he does.

WilliamsSW > functionoverfashion
02/19/2018 at 21:23

Ha - true. I own an E46 and they are quite good with the right drivetrain and good maintenance upkeep.

OPPOsaurus WRX > BaconSandwich is tasty.
02/19/2018 at 21:26

its bad.

functionoverfashion > WilliamsSW
02/19/2018 at 21:26

As do I! I’ve got an ‘03 325xi wagon, 5 speed. This is my second of the same car, I bought the first one in ‘09 and replaced it in ‘14. Neither one has ever once left me stranded in 9 years.

What’s yours?

WilliamsSW > functionoverfashion
02/19/2018 at 21:39

‘00 323cic with sport package and 5 speed. Bought it new. Stranded me one time in almost 18 years now, and that was a throttle cable of all things. Otherwise it’s been great.

functionoverfashion > WilliamsSW
02/19/2018 at 21:41

Nice! And everyone worries about drive by wire... haha

BaconSandwich is tasty. > OPPOsaurus WRX
02/19/2018 at 21:41

I don’t doubt that. Perhaps the automotive equivalent of watching Sharknado or Killer Clowns from Outer Space. You know it’s going to be bad, but curiosity gets the better of you. You then warn others, but it makes them curious too.

WilliamsSW > functionoverfashion
02/19/2018 at 21:49

And my E46 has a throttle cable whereas I’m pretty sure yours does not.

OPPOsaurus WRX > BaconSandwich is tasty.
02/19/2018 at 22:13

its as bad as itt is cool and thats the problem, cuz those are really fuckin cool cars

pip bip - choose Corrour > functionoverfashion
02/20/2018 at 05:48

not even for a dollar.

functionoverfashion > WilliamsSW
02/20/2018 at 20:10

It’s one of those things that Clarkson points out in one of the old Top Gear Africa specials, where he’s in an E39 with drive by wire. He touts the old school mechanical nature of the E39 (ahem, it’s all relative) and then has trouble with his throttle, which I believe was fixed with a sledgehammer.

WilliamsSW > functionoverfashion
02/20/2018 at 21:07

Haha -pretty sure that’s the only tool he ever uses, isn’t it? :)

functionoverfashion > WilliamsSW
02/20/2018 at 21:27

That and a sawzall, yeah.

Man, that was a great episode of that show... I wish I had kept all my old illegal downloads of that show.