Things I hate: unsolicited advice.

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck) 02/09/2018 at 23:40 • Filed to: friday night anger

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I got a call late afternoon yesterday from one of my wife’s friends. 11 hours into the work day, I pick up. She frantically tells me that this house that she thinks is great is for sale. She had apparently called my wife four times in 15 minutes before she called me.

“It’s in one of my favorite areas and it would be perfect!”

“Yeah, I’m not really looking for a house that’s a few blocks from my house...”

“No! It’s great! It just needs some paint. You and [Mrs. Z] will totally—”

“Thanks, but I don’t want to live in that neighborhood.”

“Why don’t you guys just—”

It goes on for another 2 minutes, my face firmly in palm as I tread the waters. Don’t really want to tell one of my wife’s friends to let it go (but with choice words that amount to “blow it out your ass”), but I got close. She’s always offering unsolicited advice. I’ve never asked her for advice in my entire life.

Unfortunately it continues. One of my best friends has sent me about half a dozen texts about why this is a bad time to buy (she just bought a house though hmmm). Monday she sent me the residual values of homes in Snohomish by city. Then followed up with yet another text about it’s a bad time to buy. Why the fuck do you have to tell me this six goddamn times without any provocation I reminded her, again, that she herself just bought. This time did more less tell her to shove it. We have not spoken since.

Have I ever asked her, “Hey, should I buy?” No. Have I ever asked, “Hey can you shit on my dreams some more, remind me how hard it is to find affordable housing here, and also tell me how to spend my money?” No. I get that people want to help their friends, but help should come in the form of support, not telling me what the fuck to do.

When the two above friends told me they were looking for homes, and both eventually bought homes, you know what I did the whole time? Not tell them what they should do, then congratulated them and was happy for them when they bought something.

Those would be two real-life extremes, but it is a thing. I just hate it when people don’t mind their own business. Some of you may recall the time when my wife enthusiastically told her coworkers she a got a new car she loved, and three people told her, “Ugh it’s a Pontiac. They’re a dead brand. How much did you pay? Too much.” Motherfucker, it’s a goddamn Pontiac Vibe: a freaking Corolla hatchback. Actually my wife someone that and they dismissed and her told her she didn’t know anything about cars. Fucking sexist prick. And you know what? If it was a freaking G6, people should just be supportive and congratulatory and not shitty.

So the house shopping thing is just getting more irksome because people are going out of their way to suggest where I should live, what I should buy, why I shouldn’t buy. It’s our life. It’s our money. Nobody fucking asked you.

For the record, some oppos have told me not to buy or that Everett sucks or whatever. None of which I take personally. I don’t deal with you on the day-to-day basis, we don’t know each other too intimately, and when I put my shit online, I have to expect some dissenting opinions. Just like when I reply with dissenting opinions. I do try to frame them in a positive manner if I can help it. But what you aren’t doing is bombing my phone or posts that have nothing to do with housing with texts like, “Hey, I know you don’t want to live in Marysville but I’m gonna send you 16 links for homes in one of the crappiest parts of Marysville because you should live in Marysville also you shouldn’t buy and also why not remodel or rent actually have you considered underwater basket weaving.”

Well anyway. That’s today’s rant. Thanks as always.

AestheticsInMotion > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/09/2018 at 23:47

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If you want to leave your number here I can definitely send some daily house links.

There’s this fantastic 400sq ft. Apartment in downtown Seattle that I KNOW you’d just love.

Oh wait... I’ve got another! What are your feelings towards living on an Indian Reservation?

aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/09/2018 at 23:48

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If I had a dollar for everytime some one has come up to me and told me what color they think i should paint my car. I’d have enough money to paint it every single color that was suggested to me.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/09/2018 at 23:50

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I hear Camden NJ is “nice”



My citroen won't start > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/09/2018 at 23:53

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See, but this is somewhat easy to deal with in the moment, I understand the repetition makes it the worst kind. I’m terrible with the “Why don’t you smile??” crowd, dealing with a real, live talk is really difficult.

whatisthatsound > aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe 02/09/2018 at 23:53

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Blue is the correct color.

unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) > pip bip - choose Corrour 02/09/2018 at 23:55

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You’re more likely to die twice in Camden than win the lottery.

aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe > whatisthatsound 02/09/2018 at 23:55

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MM54 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/09/2018 at 23:56

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One of my favorite quotes sums it up:

“It is not advisable to venture unsolicited opinions - you should spare yourself the embarrassing discovery of their exact value to your listener.” - Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Alfalfa > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/09/2018 at 23:57

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As we were hunting for rentals staying at my brother’s house, he and his wife were telling me about how her mother (who is crazy) will call to tell you about every single place she sees for sale or rent regardless of your budget. And when you say “I know that will be out of our budget because it’s in this neighborhood” she’ll say “well it never hurts to call and ask”.

WilliamsSW > unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) 02/09/2018 at 23:58

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Either way, you’re out of Camden, so it’s okay.

gettingoldercarguy > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/10/2018 at 00:09

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I once gave somebody relationship advice... Never again.

DipodomysDeserti > unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) 02/10/2018 at 00:10

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My aunt used to take me to that aquarium in Camden every summer when I’d visit NJ. Good times. I’ve hung out in rural Mexican towns at the height of the cartel war and Camden felt much sketchier.

smobgirl > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/10/2018 at 00:11

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I have a friend who was laid off due to downsizing. I vaguely know her field but I don’t even know her job title. I see this as the equivalent of me frantically calling her about random job postings without even the tiniest inkling of what she is trained to do for a living. Just...why?

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/10/2018 at 00:12

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I think for this house hunters on HGTV is the only logical next step.

bob and john > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/10/2018 at 00:17

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I would advise you to actually tell them to fuck off

smobgirl > DipodomysDeserti 02/10/2018 at 00:18

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I had a realtor in Denver refuse to work with me because he couldn’t in good conscience sell a house to a single woman in any neighborhoods I could afford.

I briefly taught in Camden. Denver is just peachy.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > bob and john 02/10/2018 at 00:19

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UnsolicitedAdviception

fintail > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/10/2018 at 00:19

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I’d rather buy in Everett than Marysville anyway, that little stretch of road is just another hour on a bad day.

I’m lucky in that any detached house I’d really like is either insanely over my budget or insanely distant from where I need to live, so the subject never comes up.

If someone doesn’t have credentials - in this case one who isn’t in the real estate or financial world with a degree and certification, they are easily discounted. Bargains don’t exist in this market.

bob and john > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 02/10/2018 at 00:20

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Can i just mention how fucked that show is.

He is a part time author, she collects butterflys.

Budjet of 2.34 mill

HOW.

for Michigan > smobgirl 02/10/2018 at 00:26

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“Hey, you do things with computers, my brother-in-law’s friend’s cousin is looking for a network engineer, you should give him a call.”

“You realize my degree is in art, right?”

“Well you’re good with computers, so it’s a great fit.”

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/10/2018 at 00:30

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All I recommend is that you get a garage, if you can, or a place with enough land to build one.

Priorities.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > AestheticsInMotion 02/10/2018 at 00:33

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You should have gone the usual Seattle route and recommended a houseboat or liveaboard.

“I know this great slip that just opened up.” -Random Seattlite.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > bob and john 02/10/2018 at 00:36

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But Suzanne and Gregg need to stay within their $4,650/ month budget.

AestheticsInMotion > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 02/10/2018 at 00:38

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Is that a recommendation you’ve received? I’ve never met anyone who has lived in a houseboat. I’m curious about it

Shoop > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/10/2018 at 00:38

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Channel your inner duke nukem

Unless you dont have BALLS OF STEEL

Shoop > bob and john 02/10/2018 at 00:41

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Fuck off.

DipodomysDeserti > smobgirl 02/10/2018 at 00:42

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Fucking hipsters...

People in Seattle and Denver talk about their sketchy neighborhoods like they’re in Syria because most of the newer residents fear melanin.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > AestheticsInMotion 02/10/2018 at 00:42

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I actually did from multiple people when I first moved up here. They thought paying so much for a condo was crazy and kept telling me when slips were opening up.

Mind you, these people lived in apartments with rent that was less than a third of mine or in houses where the mortgage payment was less than my rent. It jumped up rapidly after I got here along with house prices.

Berang > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/10/2018 at 01:01

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Well, if you have any tact, you’d just go “yeah, I looked at it already. Absolutely infested with feces. It just won’t do. But thank you for thinking of us”.

His Stigness > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 02/10/2018 at 01:29

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A fellow Opponaught is rarely around but I talk to off of Oppo recently bought a house and we both referred to it as a garage with attached living quarters. And his first project I was helping him was with the garage. And then we measured to see what cars would fit.

Steve in Manhattan > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/10/2018 at 01:32

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Oy, the advice I got when I moved to Manhattan. You can’t make it, it’s too expensive, you’ll be all alone ... that was July 2001. Made my own way, met the love of my life here, and we’re getting ready to close on this apartment. And no one called me to recommend it!

Dogsatemypants > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/10/2018 at 01:40

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Move to new zealand. They have immigration incentives for skilled tradesmen.

Dogsatemypants > Dogsatemypants 02/10/2018 at 01:40

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And utes

RallyWrench > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/10/2018 at 01:49

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You know what real friends do when discussing housing, for purchase or otherwise?  They say “let me know when you need me to show up with the truck”. And that’s it.

Frenchlicker > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/10/2018 at 01:53

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‘I didn’t tell you not to buy a Grand Am with 225k miles Karol don’t tell me what house to buy.”

Those are basically my thoughts on everything. People will buy what they love and if it fits what they can afford then perfect. I look at buying things like any good relationship: Normally it will start with a date because you found the person attractive then over time you find actual good reasons to stick around.

TL;DR People need to fuck off

TheRealBicycleBuck > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/10/2018 at 07:15

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Some people are just wired that way and can’t help it. They feel a strong compulsion to “help” and never learned to control it. Every time I leave the house, my wife has to tell me to “be careful.” It used to really make me mad. Im a grown man. Don’t you think I’ll be careful?

I finally realized she just can’t stop herself, so now I just respond, “have fun!” It’s a nice counterpoint to her worrisome nature.

diplodicus forgot his password > aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe 02/10/2018 at 07:15

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The Alfa or the jag?

aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe > diplodicus forgot his password 02/10/2018 at 12:50

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the alfa

RPM esq. > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 02/10/2018 at 15:38

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I know I wrote you a little ditty making fun of Lynnwood once, but I didn’t mean it. However, I’m definitely going to start posting the worst house listings I see as I pursue my own frustrating house hunt. Y’know, to help. And vent. And cry for help.

I’ll post them under the heading ZOIDBAIT alongside all the rusty Craigslist Toyotas halfway across the country people post for you.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > RPM esq. 02/10/2018 at 15:40

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GEE THANKS

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > DipodomysDeserti 02/10/2018 at 16:37

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That’s a gross overreach. Our sketchy areas are mostly white. We have a city in the metro area with one of the highest crime rates in the country and a murder rate that would make Chicago (currently suffering from extreme gang/murder activity) blush. It’s part of the area that Gary Ridgeway used as a hunting ground, so they’ve been sketchy for like 50+ years now. I wouldn’t say they’re as sketchy as they once were, though, and some bad areas have been cleaned out/replaced (ex: South Lake Union, which used to be a rough area of crappy apartments and old industrial buildings).

My SIL and her family live in one of these bad areas. We do avoid going there...

As for Denver, I don’t know of bad areas there, much like the SLC metro really doesn’t have bad areas (those are all around Ogden).

DipodomysDeserti > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 02/10/2018 at 18:26

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We have a city in the metro area with one of the highest crime rates in the country and a murder rate that would make Chicago (currently suffering from extreme gang/murder activity) blush.

No it wouldn’t, and this perfectly illustrates what I was describing in regards to how Seattlites view the bad parts of their city. I’m assuming you’re referring to South Park, which is the most dangerous neighborhood in Seattle. For comparison, South Park has a violent crime rate (per 100k people) of 771. Altgeid Gardens, which is the most dangerous neighborhood in Chicago, is at 1,769 (about 130% higher). The bad area of the Northwest are safe in comparison to the bad areas of the Midwest, South and Northeast.

http://www.areavibes.com/seattle-wa/south+park/crime/

http://www.areavibes.com/chicago-il/riverdale/crime/

I have friends that moved from Phoenix to Seattle, and we used to joke about how Seattlites were afraid of everything. For comparison, Phoenix has a violent crime rate of about 674/100k which isn’t that far off from the most dangerous neighborhood in Seattle, yet no one in Phoenix feels like it is that dangerous of a city. The most dangerous neighborhood in Phoenix is Central City, and its violent crime rate is 990/100k people (28% higher than South Park). Seattle ain’t that rough.

http://www.areavibes.com/phoenix-az/crime/

http://www.areavibes.com/phoenix-az/central+city/crime/

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > DipodomysDeserti 02/10/2018 at 19:32

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It’s not in “Seattle” the city. It’s in the metro. Think any major city in the country (except maybe Los Angeles or San Diego, which are huge).

http://www.king5.com/mobile/article/news/crime/tukwila-named-americas-most-dangerous-city/207439003

Over 8k/100k population. If you use the estimated daytime population, it’s still over 4k/100k. Seatac also has an alarmingly high crime rate as well, along with most areas nearby. I don’t know why they’re so dangerous, but we’re talking a place where my SIL’s house has been hit by stray bullets, they’ve had cars (Cars! Multiple! Not just one!) stolen, hear shots fired often, etc. My house was once hit by a stray bullet when I lived in East Los Angeles back in the 80s and there was a gang war going (an adjacent street was where some of the gang leaders lived), so I’m pretty severely desensitized to this stuff, and even I’m a little nervous there.

DipodomysDeserti > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 02/10/2018 at 19:56

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Jesus, you’re doing a really good job of proving my point.

Check your math, son. 8.18 violent crimes per 1k residents would be 818/100k, which is still less than even the most dangerous neighborhood in Phoenix (which is a fairly safe city). That “article” you posted is complete and utter bullshit. The most dangerous city in America last year was Detroit, which had a violent crime rate of 2,137/100k (161% higher than Tukwila). As I was saying, people in Seattle have no concept of what a dangerous city is. The Northwest is a very safe place compared to a lot of the US (which is a good thing). I feel like the growth Seattle has experienced over the last couple decade has shocked some of the natives. While Seattle is on its way to becoming a big city, it still doesn’t experience the same level of violence that goes along with that.

https://www.forbes.com/forbes/welcome/?toURL=https%3A//www.forbes.com/pictures/mlj45jggj/1-detroit/&refURL=https%3A//www.google.com/&referrer=https%3A//www.google.com/

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > DipodomysDeserti 02/10/2018 at 21:42

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Damn. I somehow got 100.