In Wisconsin, there's always that one guy at your office who wears shorts all winter

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 02/02/2018 at 10:18 • Filed to: None

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This morning as I parked my car at work and got ready to walk in to my office, another guy pulled up in an older VW New Beetle with a dented up side skirt, got out of his car, and walked in to the office. He was wearing cargo shorts and a hoodie.

I didn’t ask this guy about his shorts, because he was walking fast through the 0°F air to get inside. I, on the other hand, with my jeans, sweater, wool coat, hat and gloves, took my time gathering my bag and coffee and walked in to the building at a normal pace.

This shorts in winter guy only wears his shorts on Fridays since we have to dress somewhat nicer Monday thru Thursday. He’s probably thinking, “FRIDAY IS MY DAY TO SHINE, AND MY LEGS WILL FLY FREE.”

A couple jobs ago, I worked at a place with a totally casual dress code, and that office’s shorts-all-winter guy wore shorts every day all year round. I got around to asking him at one point what’s with the shorts, and he told me that he likes wearing shorts inside and it’s only ever a short walk from his car in to a building so he wears his shorts.

I’m sure the winter shorts wearer at my current job uses a similar BUT I’M INSIDE ALL THE TIME ANYWAY rationale to justify his winter shorts wearing, because !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

Shit, this is Wisconsin, it’s cold out, and buildings are not generally heated in the winter to roasty toasty temperatures where you’re going to be sweating. I’m sitting in my office in jeans and an oh-so-fashionable turtleneck sweater and it feels a little drafty in here. The fuck you wearing shorts in here for?

Wearing shorts in Wisconsin winter is a !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! that often starts in college, when the winter shorts wearers who wanted to wear shorts all winter as children but had moms smart enough to smack them upside the head and tell them to go put on pants, suddenly find themselves free from parental encumbrances and decide they’re going to wear shorts in winter, dammit, FUCK YOU MOM I DO WHAT I WANT.

Many of these dudes at some point in adulthood outgrow their winter shorts wearing ways, but many of them instead get jobs at tech companies and become that one guy at your office who wears shorts all winter.

This guy is that guy.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2018 at 10:25

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If I didn’t work at an engineering firm where dress shirts and slacks are daily wear, ties aren’t unusual and suits are required for management, I’d be that guy. When I was in Oklahoma working on my mom’s place, I was that guy. Shorts all the time, inside or outside, hot or cold. It was wonderful.

Textured Soy Protein > TheRealBicycleBuck 02/02/2018 at 10:26

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Oklahoma is marginally warmer than Wisconsin but that’s still no excuse for being that guy.

Nothing > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2018 at 10:31

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Not that it gets as frigid here as Wisconsin, but there’s the “one guy” here, early 50s, that walks his kids to school, in shorts and Keens. Regardless of weather, temp. What makes it more humorous, he’ll wear his parka, gloves, hat...but not pants.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2018 at 10:32

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After years of running and cycling, my thighs have always been too big to find pants that fit worth a damn without being tailored. Shorts just fit better. Besides, if I keep my core and feet warm, my legs just aren’t bothered by the cold.

Textured Soy Protein > TheRealBicycleBuck 02/02/2018 at 10:34

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Nerd-Vol > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2018 at 10:34

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Pretty much how I see it:

I’m the guy who is bundled up in the scenario.

Textured Soy Protein > Nerd-Vol 02/02/2018 at 10:35

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I assume you’re not meaning to imply that your name is Becky?

Nerd-Vol > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2018 at 10:38

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Nope, I’m bundled up brother.

Textured Soy Protein > Nerd-Vol 02/02/2018 at 10:40

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Is Bundled Up Brother the cousin of Undercover Brother?

Nerd-Vol > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2018 at 10:42

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My dad loved that movie. It’s one of the few times I genuinely questioned his judgement. Lol!

SmugAardvark > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2018 at 10:44

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Shorts in winter, heh. Despite living in Florida for about half my life, the worst sunburn I ever got was in the Sierra Nevada mountains in winter. I went for a day-long hike on my snowshoes, right at the very end of winter. It was a sunny day with relatively mild temperatures after a week of near-constant snow.

Given how nice of a day it was, I changed from pants to shorts, and from a winter coat to a windbreaker. Never even thought about sun exposure. But after 7-ish hours on the mountain, I was cooked like a lobster. Both legs and hands were horribly blistered, and my face looked like I dunked my head in a deep fryer.

Lesson learned.

Textured Soy Protein > Nerd-Vol 02/02/2018 at 10:51

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At least with him it was a mostly isolated incident. My sister in law has terrible taste in movies. She actually told my wife we should go see The Snowman .

Quadradeuce > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2018 at 10:52

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This guy must be related to the year-round sandals guy. We had one of those in our office. Our office was heated to where jeans and a sweatshirt were comfortable. He’d be sitting at his desk with a winter parka on and sandals. The parka was his way of saying we needed to turn the heat up. He would also wear sunglasses as a way of complaining that he needed a shade on his window. Did he ever ask for a shade? No, of course not. He wasn’t with us very long before being shown the door.

Textured Soy Protein > Quadradeuce 02/02/2018 at 11:03

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I have the opposite problem. I love having sunlight but my office is an interior office where the only window is up by the ceiling that shows in light from the cube farm outside my office. Through my open door, I can see the windows along the exterior wall of the building but the cube farm dwellers outside my door keep the blinds closed at all times. I try to occasionally open them when nobody’s around but they always close them. It’s a losing battle.

TheRealBicycleBuck > SmugAardvark 02/02/2018 at 11:33

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Hah! My grandmother had skin cancer. I hate using sunscreen, so almost everything gets covered with fabric - floppy hat, long-sleeved shirt, long shorts. The only sun I get in the summer is from my knees to my ankles, my hands, and reflected light on my face. 

SmugAardvark > TheRealBicycleBuck 02/02/2018 at 11:35

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Believe me, it’s something that I definitely worry about. I was an ocean lifeguard in my younger days, so sun exposure for 50-75% of my body daily for almost three years may definitely come back to haunt me.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2018 at 11:36

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I’d love to have that office! I’m stuck in a cube farm with a window to my back and glare all over my screens. There’s also the dude always on the phone across the aisle and the other dude always on the phone on the other side of the cube wall. I have to wear headphones in order to concentrate on anything.

Quadradeuce > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2018 at 11:42

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I hear you. When I built my new office out of an old tool crib storage room, I put in gigantic windows to let in the most light possible. Fluorescent lights give me migraines, so this was a huge upgrade for work comfort.

Old office, with narrow windows that sunglasses guy protested:

New office, that window on the right is 8'x8':

E92M3 > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2018 at 13:11

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How times have changed. I remember getting talked to by HR about 15 years ago, because I didn’t tuck my shirt in 1 day. I would of understood if we had customers visiting or something, but I was literally sitting in a cube all day. The only reason he even noticed was because we caught the same elevator that morning.

TheRealBicycleBuck > SmugAardvark 02/02/2018 at 13:12

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I raced competitively as a kid and I managed to get burned several times every summer. A speedo covers what, 5% of your body? I was also a lifeguard in high school and college , but it was always at a pool. When my kids started swimming competitively and we needed a team lifeguard, I answered the call and got re- certified. I  had learned my lesson by then and started dressing appropr iately. I’m sure that it will come back to haunt me too.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Quadradeuce 02/02/2018 at 13:13

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Interesting desktop. What is it?

haveacarortwoorthree2 > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2018 at 14:13

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Am sitting in my office in shorts right now and it’s only 40 degrees outside! Of course, my commute only takes me up a flight of stairs from my bedroom to the office. So what i’m really saying is, “why am I even wearing shorts”?

Textured Soy Protein > haveacarortwoorthree2 02/02/2018 at 14:15

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But are they cargo shorts and are you also wearing a hoodie?

Quadradeuce > TheRealBicycleBuck 02/02/2018 at 16:02

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Fiberglass grating, but using a clear resin. The open mesh allows for great cable management, but otherwise you need pieces of glass for work areas.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Quadradeuce 02/02/2018 at 16:09

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I’d have to cover the whole thing in glass or I’d lose half the stuff currently on my desk.

CaptDale - is secretly British > Textured Soy Protein 02/02/2018 at 17:47

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I dislike shorts in general. I like board short at the beach and near the beach. Or hot days at home, but other than that I just don’t like them. Jeans are much more comfortable to begin with.