The Morning Sh*t — A TL;DR Summary of Jalopnik for 2/1/2018

Kinja'd!!! "Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
02/01/2018 at 11:01 • Filed to: Taketheoutsideline, Satire

Kinja'd!!!23 Kinja'd!!! 16

Welcome to The Morning Sh*t ! Grab a new roll, it’s a 10-Wiper.

1 st Gear : Ford jumping on compact crossover bandwagon. Apparently there are people in America for whom the Escape is just too much to handle, but they won’t buy a Focus.

2 nd Gear : Daimler profits limited by electrification and autonomous tech investment. Or maybe it’s the fact that they build too many different car lines. But we’ll blame the tech.

3 rd Gear : FCA didn’t just bring Italian style to America, but also Italian labor union negotiation tactics and bribery skills.

4 th Gear : German auto unions striking for big pay raise and short-term 28-hour workweek option. Germany’s Frenchification is nearly complete.

5 th Gear : Toyota has its own airbag scandal over minor shorts. If only !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! were still here, he could remove all those minor shorts.

Reverse : 120 years ago, Travelers issued the first car insurance policy. Because he was a male smoker in Hartford, Connecticut with a rear-wheel-drive convertible, the rate was astronomical.


DISCUSSION (16)


Kinja'd!!! Party-vi > Ash78, voting early and often
02/01/2018 at 11:06

Kinja'd!!!6

5th Gear. Oof. Take your star.


Kinja'd!!! Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Ash78, voting early and often
02/01/2018 at 11:07

Kinja'd!!!1

5th Gear woof


Kinja'd!!! Wacko > Ash78, voting early and often
02/01/2018 at 11:08

Kinja'd!!!7

You should change the gears to 1 st flush, 2nd flush.....


Kinja'd!!! boredalways > Ash78, voting early and often
02/01/2018 at 11:09

Kinja'd!!!0

“Grab a new roll, it’s a 10-Wiper.”

Too soon, bro — I home sick due to a 50.


Kinja'd!!! Ash78, voting early and often > Wacko
02/01/2018 at 11:10

Kinja'd!!!0

Great idea, I might do that...


Kinja'd!!! Wacko > Party-vi
02/01/2018 at 11:10

Kinja'd!!!3

Take your child star

Well MJ did that...


Kinja'd!!! Wacko > Ash78, voting early and often
02/01/2018 at 11:10

Kinja'd!!!2

I spend too much time in the bathroom and it shows


Kinja'd!!! benjrblant > Ash78, voting early and often
02/01/2018 at 11:16

Kinja'd!!!3

Or wipes, as you falsely advertised this was a 10-wipe edition when clearly there were only 5 line items!


Kinja'd!!! HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > Wacko
02/01/2018 at 11:16

Kinja'd!!!0

Or 1st wipe, 2nd wipe, etc..... Then flush/clog the toilet


Kinja'd!!! benjrblant > Ash78, voting early and often
02/01/2018 at 11:17

Kinja'd!!!3

4th gear: 28 HOUR WORKWEEK?!


Kinja'd!!! Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > benjrblant
02/01/2018 at 11:22

Kinja'd!!!2

Gimme some of that kit Kat bar


Kinja'd!!! Ash78, voting early and often > benjrblant
02/01/2018 at 11:30

Kinja'd!!!1

2 wipes per item, naturally.

The industry had chili for dinner last night.


Kinja'd!!! Ash78, voting early and often > benjrblant
02/01/2018 at 11:31

Kinja'd!!!0

Apparently it’s sort of like FMLA in that it’s designed for special situations, but wow.


Kinja'd!!! Mercedes Streeter > Ash78, voting early and often
02/01/2018 at 11:38

Kinja'd!!!1

5 th Gear : Toyota has its own airbag scandal over minor shorts. If only Michael Jackson were still here, he could remove all those minor shorts.

Kinja'd!!!

Take my star you evil man!


Kinja'd!!! wafflesnfalafel > benjrblant
02/01/2018 at 11:52

Kinja'd!!!0

dang... I get asking for more than what you ultimately expect but come on...


Kinja'd!!! user314 > Ash78, voting early and often
02/01/2018 at 12:33

Kinja'd!!!0

5 th Gear : Toyota has its own airbag scandal over minor shorts. If only Michael Jackson were still here, he could remove all those minor shorts.

Kinja'd!!!