So my wife calls and asks, "Hey, what does the oil light on my car look like?"

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck) 12/06/2018 at 13:46 • Filed to: marriage

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45

Hmm, not a question I want to hear.

“What does the light you see look like?”

“I...” She’s driving and has me on speaker.

“It should look like a lamp.”

“A lamp?”

“An oil lamp... or a genie lamp, like in Aladdin?”

“...”

“Pull over and take a photo and text it to me. You shouldn’t be driving with an oil light on, but it’s probably... too late now...”

I hang up. Silence.

I’m running through all scenarios in my brain. I can’t justify a new engine in that thing. Do I just buy another Vibe with high miles for 3 grand? Don’t really have the budget to buy her that nice c rossover. She’ll have to drive my car. Oh God, my poor little car...

She calls back.

“Did you get the photos?”

“Still haven’t.”

“I’m gonna be late for work so...”

“WAIT. Does it look like an exclamation mark in the middle of it?”

“Yes.”

“Tire pressure. It’s fine. Love you.”

I hang up and of course then receive four texts with photos.

Wooooooooooooooooo unnecessary anxiety!

random001 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 13:52

2

The worst calls ever.

vicali > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 13:54

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Lol, you know you wanted to text that Craigslist ad anyway..

Tekamul > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 13:54

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Simple rule of thumb : If it’s red, stop. If it’s yellow, just ignore it until the weekend

CompactLuxuryFan > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 13:54

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30s later...

I kid! I kid!

I hope she does this on purpose to troll you. Must be some gearhead wives forum somewhere they’re laughing right about now.

Ash78, voting early and often > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 13:54

5

LOL

TPMS: 1% useful, 99% extra expense and temporary husbandly terror.

Stapleface > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 13:57

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I wonder how many unnecessary trips to the dealer this light has caused.

Thankfully my wife knows what it is (she read the owner’s manual to find out!).

Also, thankfully on my Civic the TPMS is activated by the wheel speed sensors so I don’t have to deal with that when I switch wheels. 

gettingoldercarguy > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 13:58

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“And you thought my car shopping was unnecessary."

Chariotoflove > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:00

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The last time I had a TPMS go off, it was from a blown tire that left me stranded on a busy freeway.  Not to add to your anxiety or anything, but this isn’t over yet.

vicali > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:02

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Text her back and say, ‘ This dog keeps following me around, I’m going to bring him home.’

T hen ten minutes later text her this pic;

RIP Dr.Z..

gettingoldercarguy > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:02

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And that good should only be used for when Zuckerberg is called to testify or realizes all major funds are dumping his stock.

shop-teacher > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:04

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PHEW!  Even my chest tightened up a bit!

facw > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:04

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Ah the cauldron light, just one of the many terrible pictographs we have that both inscrutable and unnecessary in modern cars. We basically need only two warning lights on the cluster, one for stop as soon as is safe, and one for check when you reach your destination (and we might not even need that one). Then when the car is stopped there’s plenty of room to display a nice human readable message on the infotainment screen.

ttyymmnn > Chariotoflove 12/06/2018 at 14:07

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The tire pressure light in my wife’s Civic lights up every time it gets cold out. 

The Dummy Gummy > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:09

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Should have told her it was the indicator light for a fault ejector seat.

Chariotoflove > ttyymmnn 12/06/2018 at 14:11

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I had a tire on my Mazda  that needed to be topped off every month, and the light would go off when it got cold. Turned out I had a slow leak that I finally got fixed.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:12

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My wife drives a S ubaru. This is m e IRL.

boredalways > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:13

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A gentle reminder to all that Google is your friend. I know it’s hard to say to your significant other but it saves time. Just keep your head on a swivel if the suggestion is not taken kindly.*

*happens about 99.99999999999999999999% of the time.

nermal > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:14

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Better get that fixed - You know what can happen when a tire blows out suddenly:

OPPOsaurus WRX > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:15

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you should have told her it was the buttcrack warning light. she needs to check her butt crack

i’m sure you remember my wife’s call to me not too long ago - hey i hit a curb and something is hanging from under the van.

Future Heap Owner > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:16

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What a rollercoaster ride!

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:20

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I hate the “maintenance required” light that comes on in hondas. This image is from the older one but the light in my girlfriend’s ‘05 civic came on and she thought it was the end of the world. She pulled over immediately and called me just before she was about to call AAA to tow her... I thought it was the check engine light and told her that if nothing seemed wrong, it would be fine and we could deal with it when she got home. But after some googling, I figured out that this stupid light just comes on at predescribed mileage intervals for extraneous bullshit. So even LESS of a concern than I thought. It’s just nonsense to have a light like this that gives out so little information and isnt even necessary to begin with. Especially if it’s not even sensing something other than purely mileage. 

WiscoProud > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:21

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The TPMS light on my wife’s van goes off on like every road trip. The problem is a couple of times I’ve checked the tires and one of them was very low. So I’m never really sure if I have a flat or if the sensor is going. It drives me nuts. 

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > boredalways 12/06/2018 at 14:23

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I'd rather she call me. When you Google a problem, the internet tends to suggest that you have cancer.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:26

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Damn. Wish I was that lucky with calls from my wife.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 12/06/2018 at 14:30

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I've wrecked two cars, so I fill that void just fine.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > gettingoldercarguy 12/06/2018 at 14:33

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wat

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:38

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When my wife was getting the BMW serviced she calls me up;

Me: Hey what’s up?

Her : They said there is a hole in the sump or something...

Me: They fucking what!?

Her: Yeah like there is an oil leak down there somewhere and they need to replace something, I think it’s the sump.

Me: Me okay, there is a couple grand difference in price depending on what it is, let me talk to the tech.

Her: Oh I already left, I’m late for work.

Me: ....

Meanwhile I’m trying to figure how the fuck she punched a hole in the sump and freaking out cuz the sump alone is close to a $1000. Turns out it’s just the gasket that is weeping at a slow rate.

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 14:43

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Check the pressure in the spare. Toyota sensors don’t like cold

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 15:01

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This is a funny story. 

wafflesnfalafel > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 12/06/2018 at 15:04

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Y es, but was the oil light on? ( I do feel your pain.. we have gotten lucky so far... )

gettingoldercarguy > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 15:28

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I meant that gif.  Swipe fail and I don't proofread my stuff as often as I should.

Textured Soy Protein > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 15:31

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I think what he’s trying to say is Mark Zuckerberg is reading your texts and you’ll soon be getting ads where Data tries to sell you a new set of General Altimax RT43s.

boredalways > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 15:41

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But you're a Doctor not an internet troll, dammit!

GLiddy > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 15:52

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I’ve resigned myself to the fact that if something serious goes wrong with the wife’s car, its going to be catastrophic. I’ve done the thing where she calls and says that someone told her that the tire is flat. I tell her that she needs to pull over before the tire is ruined and either call AAA or I’ll be there as quickly as I can. She just says that she’s not going to do that and will just go ahead and drive home on it anyway.  When the oil light comes on, she’s going to destroy the engine.  Its a just a fact.

Ssfancyfresh > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 15:53

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You’re fine. Trust me. Story time...

My ex-wife drove a Vibe when we were together. It was a loaded non-GT with the 17" wheels and a manny tranny. Gutless, but fun to wring out at the high RPMs. Anywhoo

She tells me one morning that the car is making funny noises. She says that it’s running a little rough and kinda loud. Okay. I asked her when was the last time she had the oil changed ? She responded that she didn’t know. A while.

I went out to the car. Sure enough, the engine was not running right and it was kinda loud. And the oil light wa s on. And the check engine light. Shit.

I popped the hood. I fou nd the yellow loop for the dipstick and ga ve it a tug. It wa s stuck. I looped my finger through and tugged as hard as I could without dislocating the digit. Nothing. Handy as I can be, I made a tool by screwing a large hook into a 1ft long 2x4. I needed some leverage. I looped the hook through the yellow loop and pulled. Stuck. I was pissed.

As Arthur stood before the stone and grasped for Excalibur , I climbed atop the 1ZZ-FE and squatted before the yellow loop of destiny, engaged my hook tool, and heaved with all my might. That dipstick abruptly relieved itself from its sheath and sent me falling backwards. I was left on the ground with the spoils of victory satisfied that I had been deemed worthy.

Then I saw what had happened. The dipstick was completely dry. Bone dry. The tip, it was corroded and had “ welded” itself to the oil pan. The oil pan was bone dry. This was confirmed when I removed the drain plug.

She had been driving this car for god knows how long without a drop of oil in it.

.....

I changed the filter and filled it with oil. Ran like a champ.

Those cars cannot be killed. 

Alf Romio > CompactLuxuryFan 12/06/2018 at 16:11

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This was my wife. She was driving with me in the passenger seat on a warm Houston day on the highway. Going ~70 and the TPMS light comes on. She asks me about it and I said I’ll check the pressures when we get home.

10 seconds later...BOOM! Front passenger tire blew. She pulls over and I get out to see. SIDEWALL FAILURE. That was fun changing the tire on the shoulder during rush hour. I check the tire pressures of our cars twice monthly, so I’m sure it was adequately inflated prior to all this.

LimitedTimeOnly @ opposite-lock.com > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 17:51

1

My wife: The check engine light is on.

Me, leaning over to look: Nope, that’s the cruise control ready to be engaged.

Thinking to myself, how long has the "check engine" light been on without it being enough of a concern to mention it to me?

Future Heap Owner > Ssfancyfresh 12/06/2018 at 18:34

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Yeah the one time I took my Corolla to a quicky oil change thingy, the guy there was telling me how somebody once came in with half a quart left in theirs and it was running just fine after they filled it back up.

Dogsatemypants > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 12/06/2018 at 18:40

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That sounds like me when my mom calls to ask a silly computer or car question.

Dogsatemypants > Future Heap Owner 12/06/2018 at 18:45

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Lol, once. About every japanese econobox that came in was not reading on the dipstick. I can recall several that needed less than a 1 Count to completely drain. The best was a 94 tercel with 70k on the clock. Went 300 miles since it’s last change in 2007. The year was 2016. It came out like shiny pudding.

aquila121 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 12/06/2018 at 20:58

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Sympathy star.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Textured Soy Protein 12/06/2018 at 21:01

1

Oh. Why not, my phone appears to be recording conversations and sending me ads for things I never search for or text but  mentioned in conversation earlier the same day...

aquila121 > OPPOsaurus WRX 12/06/2018 at 21:02

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OPPOsaurus WRX > aquila121 12/06/2018 at 22:56

1

I think my level of amazement was only surpassed by my level of anger

Svend > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 01/24/2019 at 05:56

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My neighbour drove his Eos for months with the light on. He said he checked the tyres, inflated them where needed but the light stayed on.

I asked, ‘when you set the tyres to the correct pressure, did you get in the car and press and hold the TPM S button down until the light went out?’.

He looked at me funny then said, ‘erm, no I didn’t, how do you do it and where is the button?’.

I said, ‘it’s the one with the ima ge of the tyre with SET written on it’.

Mind he also didn’t know how to get his side mirrors to dip on the side next to the kerb so as not the scratch the alloy wheels when he reverses into a space.