Can't sleep Oppo (personal rant)

"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher)
11/21/2018 at 23:29 • Filed to: How can smart people be so damn stupid?

I’m watching a good friend, one of my best friends in the world, completely fuck his life up. I think I may have to cut him off, for the sake of my family. I consider this man a brother, but I can’t stand by and watch this anymore. I’m furious at him.

Sorry I’m being vague. Really dangerous choices are being made.

I love the guy. And so much of the fun stuff I’ve done in the last several y ears , has been together with him. I have to protect my family from bad infl uences though.

I never realized how much we define ourselves through our friends. I’m having a really hard time imagining what life might be like without him in it.

Fuck.

DISCUSSION (24)

smobgirl > shop-teacher
11/21/2018 at 23:50

I lost one of my closest friends in my 20s like this. The last time we really saw each other, I woke up to find him asleep on my couch. He’d broken into the house when I didn’t answer the phone at 2 am. His creditors called my number for a few years (I don’t know how they got it) and his Mom, once, because she couldn’t find him. That’s all I’ve heard or seen since. It really sucked - it sort of ruins all the earlier memories for a bit. But you can’t let who someone used to be hide who they actually are. I hope you can find some peace.

BeaterGT > shop-teacher
11/21/2018 at 23:51

Sometimes you can't help people that don't want to help themselves. At the end of the day, you have to do what's best for you and yours.

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > shop-teacher
11/21/2018 at 23:53

Sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine having to cut my best friend out of my life. *hugs*

shop-teacher > BeaterGT
11/21/2018 at 23:53

I know. It's not going to be easy.

shop-teacher > smobgirl
11/21/2018 at 23:55

Wow, that's definitely worse than what's going on here. In this case, it is who my friend is choosing to associate with that is the problem.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > shop-teacher
11/21/2018 at 23:56

Echoing others.....yeah. Had to do the same recently to someone I nearly gave a key to my apartment to for “Just in case” reasons. But I put up with a few too many “one last time”s and it just had to stop.

It hurts, for sure, but I hope you get through it okay and you come out the other side with a happy and healthy family. Sometimes that’s just all you’re hoping for and it sounds like you know what takes priority.

CTSenVy > shop-teacher
11/21/2018 at 23:58

Been there with family members. Even when you know you are doing the right thing it still hurts. Thinking about you and pulling for you.

shop-teacher > MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s
11/21/2018 at 23:59

Thanks. I hope he comes to his senses.

shop-teacher > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles
11/22/2018 at 00:02

My family is indeed my top priority. I will not allow his choices to jeopardize their well being.

shop-teacher > CTSenVy
11/22/2018 at 00:02

Thank you.

RacinBob > shop-teacher
11/22/2018 at 00:15

Things have a way of working themselves out. Whenever in real time, gut instincts are best. Don’t double guess it.

smobgirl > shop-teacher
11/22/2018 at 00:29

Yeah, that was more of the issue here too. I didn’t want to be dragged in to his drugs/alcohol/self-destruction and the associated company. Even in breaking into my house he was essentially harmless to me but he was definitely at the beginning of a spiral. I couldn’t be a safe space anymore.

shop-teacher > RacinBob
11/22/2018 at 01:01

Thanks.

Stef Schrader > shop-teacher
11/22/2018 at 02:40

*hugs* Man, I’m so sorry. It sounds like you’ve already invested a lot into turning this guy’s life back around, so I can imagine how frustrating it’d be to walk away. I don’t have any specific advice, but good luck.

shop-teacher > Stef Schrader
11/22/2018 at 08:15

Thank you. We’ve been through a lot together. He’s been there for me, when I’ve needed him too. It’s just so sad and frustrating to watch what he’s doing to himself.

BJ > shop-teacher
11/22/2018 at 08:25

I imagine it’s not easy.

If you can still have contact with your friend when they’re not with the others, try not to cut them off completely . Be open and honest with them. You don’t approve, but you can tell them this without being judgemental (although it’s so easy to say the wrong thing). Make sure the boundaries are clear, and don’t accept any bullshit.

At the same time, your friend may have changed and taken on new ideas that are completely incompatible with your choices/morals . In that case, you have to just lay it out and walk away. “ I don’t accept X, and I choose to no longer be in contact with you.”

Good luck.

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > shop-teacher
11/22/2018 at 08:56

well thats a shit... know the feel

ive only got one friend left from before the straight and narrow and he’s currently uhhh... missing? (survivalist type... he dropped off the grid when he decided to go make a life... he’ll randomly turn up when he wants to)

met up with a few of the leftovers a couple years back.. one of them actually used a bullshit excuse to get some money from me for drugs... was heartbreaking

the rest are either dead or in jail..

(uhh.. maybe i was that friend that was really fucking his life up.... then i got a family)

shop-teacher > BJ
11/22/2018 at 08:59

I am going to try to do option A . I don’t want him out of my life, but I cannot have that woman around my family. I fear option B will actually come from him, and if so, I will not fight it.

WilliamsSW > shop-teacher
11/22/2018 at 09:35

Ugh. That sucks. Sounds like he’s been a great stand up guy to this point. I wonder what it is that’s pulling him the wrong direction? Any chance to get to the root cause of the problem, or has he just gone off his rocker?

I hope he comes around, but at the end of the day, you have to do what’s best for you and your family.

Sorry to hear it - but have a Happy Thanksgiving!

shop-teacher > WilliamsSW
11/22/2018 at 10:32

He doesn’t seem to value himself, and that’s something I can’t fix. I hope he comes to his senses as well, but I can’t do it for him.

Thank you. My family is well, and we shall enjoy each other today. You and yours have a happy Thanksgiving as well.

shop-teacher > farscythe - makin da cawfee!
11/22/2018 at 10:37

I’m glad to hear that getting a family made you pull it together. That doesn’t work for many, so good on you.

WilliamsSW > shop-teacher
11/22/2018 at 11:22

No, you can’t fix that, unfortunately.

Enjoy the holiday!

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > shop-teacher
11/22/2018 at 20:50

Sorry to hear friend, and sorry for the late reply...I have had the same main group of 5 or so ‘best friends’ since junior high. It would be terrible to lose them...

That sucks man...

shop-teacher > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars
11/22/2018 at 23:54

Thanks.