guuuuuh - A rant

"HammerheadFistpunch" (hammerheadfistpunch) 11/15/2018 at 17:16 • Filed to: None

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Ranty family stuff. Have a young fistpunch in action.

I go away for 1 week...1 WEEK! and when I come back my mom has not only bought a house that’s waaaaay above her and her new husbands initial modest budget but needs a LOT of remodel work right off the bat.

And it gets better! In order to justify buying a house together they need to sell both of their homes...which they haven’t done. Not a huge problem except my mom can’t bear to part with her place so she is “selling” it to my brother who REALLY can’t afford it. I say selling it because she is going to be the flippin bank! You want more? Their loan term is going to be something like 40 years. My mom wont live 40 additional years. To say nothing of the fact she’s selling it to him for way below market value.

So to sum up:

Brother is getting in way over his head against other sibs advice

Mom is giving away tons of free money to just one sib

While becoming a banker on a loan that outlives her

While simultaneously getting in over her head on a house she doesn’t need

That she already has big (expensive) plans to remodel

While also trying to sell another home

I don’t see this going badly at all. do you?

It’s not even the worry I have of my brother defaulting (who knows what THAT would be like with bank of mom) or my mom getting in financial trouble...its what all this unnecessary stress will do to the family. I should restate...NO ONE NEEDS TO MOVE.

On the plus side I think I just sold my sportwagen winter wheels and tires. So...yeah.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > HammerheadFistpunch 11/15/2018 at 17:54

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The fun is just beginning...

My mom’s family broke up because grandma effectively gave the entire estate to her one “perpetually underemployed” child who we have suspicions moved back in solely to lobby for a disproportionate chunk of the inheritance — and ended up with entire thing.

As for your mom's choices... 

HammerheadFistpunch > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 11/15/2018 at 17:55

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Im genuinely concerned that this is laying the groundwork for some ugliness in the family and I’ m sad.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > HammerheadFistpunch 11/15/2018 at 17:58

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Yeah money is a great way to ruin anything and everything. Your mom is going through some weird things. Secret relationship, remarriage, and now new home. She probably wants a totally fresh start for some reason. Like a two-thirds life crisis...

HammerheadFistpunch > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 11/15/2018 at 18:00

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I actually get her motivations - she was just super lonely and both her and her new husband watched their spouses die slow...so they are both looking for a fresh start.  What I don’t understand is my brothers motivations - he knows he’s stretching thin and its purely for a want and its going to put a burden on the entire family.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > HammerheadFistpunch 11/15/2018 at 18:00

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Are you sending it wearing your missionary clothes? Cuz that’s rad.

HammerheadFistpunch > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 11/15/2018 at 18:00

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I am indeed.  hey, if the path to the appointment just happens to go past a sweet stepdown along the way...im not made of stone. 

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > HammerheadFistpunch 11/15/2018 at 18:04

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I feel like I’m missing a key piece if information. How  will he be a burden? If he’s about to legally own that house, it’s really none of your guy’s problems. If he's paying the "discounted" mortgage directly to your mother, then I guess it's her problem if he doesn't pay... Every family has that one special sibling.

HammerheadFistpunch > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 11/15/2018 at 18:06

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it puts a strain on relationships, that’ s all. He knows we all think he’s crazy and we are none of us pleased he’s taking advantage of my mom like this.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > HammerheadFistpunch 11/15/2018 at 18:08

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He sounds like someone who doesn’t have much else “ going on, ” correct?

HammerheadFistpunch > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 11/15/2018 at 18:09

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he works hard, he knows how to make the most of what he’s got.  He’s no lout, but his degree was in history and he sells software training and he’s moving into a neighborhood where the wealthiest man in Utah lives.  

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > HammerheadFistpunch 11/15/2018 at 18:11

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Well moreover, he can wait for your mom to pass -- or give him the home outright prior -- and sell the house and keep all the equity he did nothing for, for himself. Basically, you other siblings are being punished because you don't need handouts. Hmm.

HammerheadFistpunch > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 11/15/2018 at 18:15

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That’ s the long and skinny of it. I mean, I’ m under NO delusions that I haven’t been advantaged because of my mom...I mean I went to freakin Alaska on her dime recently...but I don’t ask for these things, and I don’t expect them. I kinda feel like some of my sibs do.  My older brother (different brother who can absolutely afford his own vacations) wasn’t even off the boat yet before he was planning the next cruise she would take us on for her.  And he has a good chance of convincing her...and I hate it.  We’re all big boys and girls now, and she’s got her own thing going on. 

ttyymmnn > HammerheadFistpunch 11/15/2018 at 18:16

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Nothing at all to worry about.

Seriously, though, that sucks. Good luck. 

vicali > HammerheadFistpunch 11/15/2018 at 19:15

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Oh man, that whole situation reeks of headaches for you..

on the otherhand - are we posting oldy fun times? because yes of course we are;

Me ( with the pack) bootskiing back in the day..

HammerheadFistpunch > vicali 11/15/2018 at 20:01

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An post holing. That brings me back 

smobgirl > HammerheadFistpunch 11/15/2018 at 20:16

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My family is dealing with the issue of grandpa being banker on a loan for my uncle, which was signed when grandpa  was already essentially incapacitated and has ruined four other siblings inheritance. The dispute has dragged on for months and doesn’t look anywhere near ending.

functionoverfashion > HammerheadFistpunch 11/16/2018 at 11:19

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Yikes. I worry about my wife’s side of the family as her grandparents’ estate is soon to be settled, presumably. They passed nearly a year ago, and really very little has been done. My wife’s mother has two sisters and they all... sort of get along. But they also love to argue with each other and/or do things without really getting the blessing of the others.

For example: the grandparents’ house that became vacant after they passed, rather than selling it and splitting the money, one of my wife’s cousins is living there. I guess his mother is going to buy out the other sisters... but hasn’t yet. Meanwhile, the house is WAY more than the cousin could afford to live in - there’s a freaking indoor pool - but I guess his mother is helping him out? We like him and his wife, and have no problem with him living there, aside from generally disagreeing with the choice; it’s their business, though, so long as it’s fair to the rest of the family.

There’s also a cousin who basically removed himself from the family years ago, lives across the country and does little to nothing with himself, so far as we know . I’m concerned he’ll perk up; I know they called him to let him know the grandparents passed, but no one wanted to pay for his plane ticket here for the funeral . Depending how his mother handles it, he might suddenly become very interested in the family again, with dollar signs in his eyes. Sadly he’s the type who would probably OD within a week of such a windfall.

Good times! I wish you the best of luck with your situation.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > HammerheadFistpunch 11/16/2018 at 12:23

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Oof...

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > HammerheadFistpunch 11/16/2018 at 12:25

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Will your mom listen to reason?

Take care of the ugliness now and amend the agreement so it doesn’t get even uglier in the future.

HammerheadFistpunch > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 11/16/2018 at 12:45

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Historical evidence doesn’t suggest so

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > HammerheadFistpunch 11/16/2018 at 12:47

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Well, that sucks.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > HammerheadFistpunch 05/14/2019 at 14:35

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https://oppositelock.kinja.com/1834757267

https://kinja.com/lookhowmanyproxiesihave

This guy is in the gray. This is the first post of his that I’ve seen and he seems as solid as anybody around here. Can you toggle him?

HammerheadFistpunch > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 05/14/2019 at 14:39

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He needs a little more post history and to ask.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > HammerheadFistpunch 05/14/2019 at 14:55

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Dude: I feel. My drama is my alcoholic, emotionally predatory mother. She was her father’s victim and I am hers and even though I have forgiven her, and I’ve had a couple of years of peace, I allowed myself to be triggered by her again and I’m trying to get that genie back into the bottle. I called her on Mother’s Day and, as it was after 5 pm where she lives, she was back into her cups already and I just felt like a swimmer with a great white shark circling in the water. I hate alcoholism.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > HammerheadFistpunch 05/14/2019 at 14:56

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Interesting. I’ve never known just how that worked. How would they know whom to ask?

HammerheadFistpunch > Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo 05/14/2019 at 15:02

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there is a club openings sitcky at the top of the main page