"fhrblig" (fhrblig)
11/10/2018 at 21:42 • Filed to: None
3
31|
"fhrblig" (fhrblig)
11/10/2018 at 21:42 • Filed to: None | 3
| 31 |
EMBIGGEN...
I was at the grocery store today,
in line behind this guy who like me was
in his 40s. O
ur
cashier was an older woman in her 60s. I wasn’t really paying attention to what he was buying because it was mostly unremarkable... And then I saw her pick up a
little bottle that looked a little familiar. I thought it looked a little like those bottles of liquid artificial sweeteners, either that or... nope, that’s sex
lube.
She scanned it, then proceeded to be completely fascinated by its existence. “Personal lubricant? I’ve never seen that before! What do you use it for?”
To his credit, this guy came up with a quick and plausible-sounding explanation to get her to move on. “It’s, uh, for chapped skin and so on.” He didn’t really stammer or anything. It sounded reasonable. She thought that was very neat, and put it in the bag.
I sincerely hope she forgot about it, because I don’t really want to think about some poor old lady rubbing A stroglide all over her hands because they are dry. Also dude, use the self-checkout for that and this kind of thing won’t happen to you.
WilliamsSW
> fhrblig
11/10/2018 at 21:51 |
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Lol that cashier needs a little edumacation on when to STFU.
farscythe - makin da cawfee!
> fhrblig
11/10/2018 at 21:53 |
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cashier asked that question?
welp... thats a paddling
PS9
> fhrblig
11/10/2018 at 21:53 |
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Should have just owned it.
“For whackin’ off. The sock is a little rough and vaseline’s a bit too greasy.
...what?”
shop-teacher
> fhrblig
11/10/2018 at 22:01 |
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Several years ago I was at Target buying condoms, among other things. At the time I taught high school. My cashier was a current student of mine.
Not a word was spoken from either of us.
wafflesnfalafel
> fhrblig
11/10/2018 at 22:02 |
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that is awesome
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fhrblig
> PS9
11/10/2018 at 22:05 |
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You either have to do what he did and politely lie, or go completely vulgar and coarse.
“It’s doin’-it syrup. I’m gonna crush some poon later, and the old lady gets a li’l dry sometimes.”
I’m assuming he was straight and married , because he bought enough ground beef and hamburger helper to feed several kids and also because he b ought the store-brand lube.
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PS9
> fhrblig
11/10/2018 at 22:08 |
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How do you know the hamburger helper and beef were gonna feed anyone? Maybe the store-bought lube was just enough to top off a kiddie-pool full of the stuff he has in the garage ready for the hamburger helper add after it gets cooked...
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PS9
> shop-teacher
11/10/2018 at 22:09 |
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That’s no fun. The student should have at least chris hansen’d you.
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fhrblig
> shop-teacher
11/10/2018 at 22:11 |
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I always tried to be as nonplussed and benign as possible when someone bought condoms at the stores I worked for, especially the younger customers. But now the nervous ones can use the self-scan registers.
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fhrblig
> WilliamsSW
11/10/2018 at 22:13 |
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She was just one of those cashiers that always wants to talk to her customers. But man, it was so awkward.
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shop-teacher
> fhrblig
11/10/2018 at 22:16 |
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I definitely would’ve used self serve scanners, had it been an option back then.
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shop-teacher
> PS9
11/10/2018 at 22:17 |
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My girlfriend was with me. It was quite clear who they were going to be used with.
At least get knew we were practicing safe sex :)
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fhrblig
> PS9
11/10/2018 at 22:17 |
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Nah, this guy definitely gave off the dad vibe. Unshaven, dirty sweatpants, and up until the awkwardness, really happy to be out of the house. Though, you never know I guess.
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fhrblig
> shop-teacher
11/10/2018 at 22:20 |
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I love them. Not just for that reason, but also for the times when all you’re buying is something like three pints of ice cream and a package of toilet paper. I don’t want any questions, I just want to go home.
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shop-teacher
> fhrblig
11/10/2018 at 22:22 |
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Yep, same here!
smobgirl
> shop-teacher
11/10/2018 at 22:23 |
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Thank god the only jobs my students ever get are fast food.
Svart Smart, traded in his Smart
> fhrblig
11/10/2018 at 22:27 |
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I buy lube from a dedicated store for that kind of thing.
gmporschenut also a fan of hondas
> fhrblig
11/10/2018 at 22:30 |
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I was on an engineering project and we would need a water based lubricant. It was a constant game of “not it”
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fhrblig
> Svart Smart, traded in his Smart
11/10/2018 at 22:35 |
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Amazon is a great place for that, too. Plus they have some, shall we say, interesting varieties.
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fhrblig
> gmporschenut also a fan of hondas
11/10/2018 at 22:37 |
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See, my sense of humor would make me volunteer. Go to the store and buy a disturbing amount of it, and if they ask about it just say, “I HAVE PLANS.”
Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
> fhrblig
11/10/2018 at 23:33 |
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It’s for chapped skin is pretty accurate. I hope the cashier buys some takes it home and shows her husband her new chapped skin lotion.
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fhrblig
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
11/10/2018 at 23:35 |
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Oh God, I hope they don’t get it in the bathtub. If you slip on lube in a wet bathtub you will be rocketed to 3x the speed of light instantly.
Nom De Plume
> farscythe - makin da cawfee!
11/11/2018 at 07:42 |
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A few Winter’s back I was out for my normal sub-zero ride which took me out into the country that day. On the way back home near the end of a section that was an uphill slog into the wind I hear the sound of trash cans being thrown off a truck at the end of long gravel drive. They are long gone by the time I finally crawl past at all of 5 mph.
Mind you, I’m not averse to pulling out the phone and taking a picture or two in conditions this cold. For some reason, call it self respect or some internal instinct, I decided against it in this instance. Spilled out on the slick hard packed snow was a half dozen very large tubes of Astroglide. The overflowing trash cans revealed what I’ll conservatively refer to as a bounty visible in the gap under their lids.
Now picture a young stud doing a grip and go ‘replenishment’ in flagrante delicto. Every single one of these capless tubes showed signs of urgent one handed squeezes that was abandoned when a large enough glob failed to come out. Of the at least two dozen visible not a single one was less than half full. I’m doubled over with laughter even remembering the absurdity of coming across this scene.
OPPOsaurus WRX
> WilliamsSW
11/11/2018 at 08:04 |
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Yea... He should have replied with something like ‘I’m gonna take a savage anal pounding tonight ’ like it was nothing. That would have taught her
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WilliamsSW
> OPPOsaurus WRX
11/11/2018 at 09:17 |
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I’m afraid she might not have understood that - so best to bend over and point at his ass while saying it.
That would be hilarious.
MUSASHI66
> fhrblig
11/11/2018 at 10:53 |
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And, you know this based on previous self-checkout experiences? :D
Btw, I see that intersection almost every day..
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fhrblig
> MUSASHI66
11/11/2018 at 11:04 |
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All I know is lube + water + smooth surface = you will fall and hurt yourself .
I drive through it a lot. In the mornings it’s either faster or the same amount of time to take Iliff/Evans to I-25 instead of I- 225 to I- 25.
Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness
> fhrblig
11/12/2018 at 07:32 |
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Reminds me of buying oil at Walmart:
*Comes to register with 4 gallons of oil and an oil filter*
Cashier: Oh, planning on changing some oil?
Me: Nope, it’s great for drinking and this is the best filter for straining it.
Cashier *Looking at me completely dumbfounded*
The older guy behind me absolutely lost it, he was laughing so hard he about lost his teeth.
The cashier on the other hand was less than impressed, but she ended up laughing about it.
CaptDale - is secretly British
> fhrblig
11/12/2018 at 17:30 |
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I don’t understand why people get embarrassed by buying that stuff. Everyone has sex, oh no
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fhrblig
> CaptDale - is secretly British
11/12/2018 at 20:19 |
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I can, since I was socially awkward when I was younger. But now that I’m an adult my level of give a fuck is near zero. And the cashier typically couldn’t be less interested anyway. Even if they gave me any stink eye about it, I’d just tell the truth. “Whatever crazy shit you’re imagining us doing with that stuff, go ahead and throttle it way back. We’ve been married for ten years.”
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CaptDale - is secretly British
> fhrblig
11/13/2018 at 11:02 |
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You should tell them throttle it up by 10 because you’re weirdos ;)