Hmm...

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck) 11/02/2018 at 22:46 • Filed to: The fact that it's car related instead of my bleak and vague non-car stuff is a good sign though!

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... Nope, still can’t think of a way to pull $18,000 out of my ass.

DC3 LS, Fuck Hyundai, now and forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 11/02/2018 at 22:56

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how many kidneys do you have, and how many would you be happy with?

DipodomysDeserti > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 11/02/2018 at 22:57

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You can’t pull them out through your ass, but you can pull them out...and sell them (overseas).

pip bip - choose Corrour > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 11/02/2018 at 23:31

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become a  pornstar?

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 11/02/2018 at 23:41

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Male  prostitution?

Future Heap Owner > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 11/03/2018 at 00:10

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Just a little farther...

SmugAardvark > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 11/03/2018 at 00:29

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So, this got me thinking... What would it be like to pull $18,000 out of your own ass?

If it was a check or money order, pretty easy I would guess. Your bank teller might not be thrilled about it, but really, your ass isn’t much worse for wear. A credit/debit card would certainly be less pleasant , but more due to the hard, relatively sharp edges. Maybe you could talk the seller down a bit and save some money for a few stitches.

But then we get to cash. If it’s in $100 bills, then we’re talking about just under 0.4 pounds of actual banknotes. A “stack” of such bills would be $10,000 . So figure just under two stacks, or slightly less than one inch of thickness laid flat . Easily enough to fit in a pocket. In a colon? Decidedly less comfortable, depending on your life choices up to this point. But I think most people could manage if it meant getting eighteen-grand for free.

However, doing such in $1 bills, is probably a bad idea. In weight alone, we’re talking about packing your hindquarters with nearly 40 pounds of money with who knows how many illicit substances, bacteria, other peoples’ poop and boogers coating both sides of each bill . I can’t imagine a scenario where this would even be feasible.

And finally, we get to pennies. To have $18,000 in pennies, we’re looking at 1.8 million pennies. For the sake of argument, let’s say they’re already rolled, and the rolls somehow weigh nothing. The cost to your colon? Right in the vicinity of 9,920 pounds. Ouch.

So let this be a lesson to you all . Don’t try and pull $18,000 worth of pennies out of your ass.

For reference, these five wheelbarrows only amounted to $3,000 worth of pennies.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > SmugAardvark 11/03/2018 at 00:59

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MATH

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 11/03/2018 at 00:59

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But that's my day job

functionoverfashion > SmugAardvark 11/04/2018 at 21:12

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I want to know the story of 5 wheelbarrows filled with pennies

SmugAardvark > functionoverfashion 11/07/2018 at 19:24

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As I recall, it was the guy in the picture who owed some back DMV fees that he had been fighting for years (and had built up some extra late penalties along the way). He finally conceded in paying them, but did so with pennies.

Apparently, the DMV office he went to burned out their coin counting machines about 1/4 way through , and as a result, the employees had to count most of them by hand.