NEWS FLASH: Former Ford CEO Sentenced to Life of Comfortable Means

"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78)
01/24/2018 at 16:53 • Filed to: Taketheoutsideline, Satire, Ford

Former President and CEO of Ford Motor Company, Jacques Nasser, was sentenced !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! to 25-40 years of upper-middle-class retirement after a Michigan circuit court found him guilty of decades of abusive cost cutting and mismanagement at the international automaker.

Nasser at sentencing, just before being physically restrained for attempting to assault the judge.

Lebanese-Australian businessman “Jac” Nasser began his career with Ford Australia in 1968, eventually taking on roles in Europe, Asia, and elsewhere around the world. By 1999, he had moved to Michigan and worked his way up to CEO, promising sweeping changes to what was then the world’s most profitable automaker. Within three years, his molestation of the company’s core businesses, as well as a high-profile series of lawsuits with Firestone tires, led to his forced retirement.

A partial list of charges is as follows:

Guilty : 3 counts of Indecent Exposure to Luxury Brands (Offered Land Rover $2.8B in exchange for the written promise of offroad excitement; Bribed Swedish executives over $6B to “Expand their Volvos”; Turned Jaguar into a Leaper Colony of bland Lincoln and Ford platforms)

Guilty : 1 count of Unwanted Massaging of the European Ford Focus to fit American tastes

Guilty : 1 count of Holding a Brand Against its Will (Mercury)

Guilty : 27 (of 35) counts of Failure to Disclose Faulty Rubber in late 1990s-era Explorer SUVs

Not Guilty : 1 count of Conspiracy to Commit Terrorist Acts (Lebanese; !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ; America)

The Circuit Court judge for Southeastern Michigan, the Honorable Marybeth Childers, openly scolded Mr. Nasser for breaching the trust of both shareholders and employees, claiming he abused his position for personal gain. She sentenced him to a court-managed monthly stipend of $10,000 for up to 40 years, effectively reversing his Golden Parachute. Judge Childers closed the sessions by saying “I just signed away your beach house.”

DISCUSSION (10)

Party-vi > Ash78, voting early and often
01/24/2018 at 17:01

1) I get this. Get ready for the shit storm.

2) Ok but Ford kept Jaguar and Land Rover going until they could become back on top.

3) The Firestone tires were not at fault. Ford engineers were faced with engineering out the Explorer rollover risk and instead of doing their fucking jobs they spec’d a lower tire pressure which lead to the blowouts.