Started training a new employee today

"AestheticsInMotion" (aestheticsinmotion) 08/31/2017 at 20:48 • Filed to: Bigly

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I’m pawsitive he’s going to be a purrfect fit for my company. Seriously, I’m feline very good about this new hire. Oh and no, not even a little bit sorry about all the clawful puns. Training pictures below!

I first caught wind of his interest in professional window washing when I saw him handling my squeegee.

It was too late to hide—but cats being cats—he tried anyway. I admire the effort.

Well... My summer hires this year were practically useless, so I decided to see what this guy could do! First order of business, get him up close and personal with a window. This is the make-or-break moment in the window biz. The first pane. Some can cope with the stress of looking through the glass. Others lose their mind, unable to handle the overwhelming power that comes with the scrubber and squeegee.

Kitty was unfazed. Impressive.

Okay, now down to business. We went over scrubbing and then the most important skill of them all. Proper squeegee technique. Kitty was very observant. I can already tell that his natural talent will cause problems with the other employees...

Toweling off the edges of the windows was less problematic than I anticipated. What kitty lacks in height, he makes up for in leg drive. I demonstrated proper drying motions with the surgical cloth, and he emulated it perfectly, towel in mouth.

After finishing the windows, I told kitty about the last and most important step. Double checking our work! Luckily kitty was on it because my mind was already miles away thinking about a cold brew... Or four

Awaiting further instructions, kitty was the image of the perfect employee. I decided to bump his pay rate up to “senior washing professional” right on the spot. I’ll just take a bit out from the other guy’s weekly paychecks. Those good-for-nothings didn’t even show up today, can you believe it?!

I don’t think I scheduled them to, but the details are unimportant...

Anyways, I told kitty he could relax. Job well done! Our client absolutely loved us! Welcome to the family, I think you’ll find that our company culture will be a great fit for you!

BESTEST MOST PROFESSIONAL WINDOW WASHING COMPANY EVER WE ALSO DO GUTTERS BUT DON’T CHECK THEM AFTER WE LEAVE EXPECTING SPOTLESS GUTTERS YOU COULD EAT OFF OF BECAUSE WE DON’T DO A VERY GOOD JOB WITH THEM AS WE’RE PRIMARILY WINDOW WASHERS OKAY, IT’S IN THE NAME “CLEAN & CLEAR WINDOWS” WE’RE NOT “CLEAN & CLEAR WINDOWS, AND ALSO MAYBE GUTTERS,” BESIDES WHICH, GUTTERS ARE JUST A BIGLY CONSPIRACY FROM THE MAN TRYING TO BRING YOU DOWN AND EVERY TIME YOU GET YOUR GUTTERS CLEANED IT SENDS A SIGNAL TO THE PENTAGON AND PENTAGON SIGNALS THE SEWER MUTANTS TO START THE INVASION PLAN A DAY EARLIER SO REALLY IT’S YOU WHO’S CONTRIBUTING TO GLOBAL ECONOMIC COLLAPSE AND WHERE THE HELL DID MY BEER GO

Sorry, I’m not currently accepting new clients at this time.

19JRC99 > AestheticsInMotion 08/31/2017 at 20:54

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D’aaaaaawwwwwwww

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > AestheticsInMotion 08/31/2017 at 20:58

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boredalways > AestheticsInMotion 08/31/2017 at 20:58

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Is the collar one of those perimeter fence thingamajig?

AestheticsInMotion > 19JRC99 08/31/2017 at 21:00

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(D’aaaaaawwwwwwww intensifies)

The Crazy Kanuck; RIP Oppositelock > AestheticsInMotion 08/31/2017 at 21:01

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Then it left nose & paw prints on freshly cleaned windows after you left. Fucking dick.

AestheticsInMotion > gmporschenut also a fan of hondas 08/31/2017 at 21:03

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He passes.

Unless you’re talking to me... In which case, uh... There won’t be a drug test will there? Ahem, uh I mean, not that it matters. Totally doesn’t matter. Actually, let’s just make this review go away...

*slips HR guy a stack of quarters*

AestheticsInMotion > boredalways 08/31/2017 at 21:04

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Possibly? I didn’t want to pry

AestheticsInMotion > The Crazy Kanuck; RIP Oppositelock 08/31/2017 at 21:05

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I’ve literally had multiple dogs—and one old man—BREAK windows I’d just cleaned.

What goes on after I clean up and collect the bill is our of my control...

Svend > AestheticsInMotion 08/31/2017 at 21:52

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Such a cute kittie.

AestheticsInMotion > Svend 08/31/2017 at 21:56

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I wanted to take him home with me. The owners take him on hikes and out camping... Talk about goals

Svend > AestheticsInMotion 08/31/2017 at 22:04

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Those eyes are soooooo cute.

It’s like they are screaming ‘can I haz hugz pleez, I giv gud hugz’.

Textured Soy Protein > AestheticsInMotion 08/31/2017 at 22:08

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How to make a fortune in the window washing business, a step by step guide:

1. Become a super jacked gymnast by balancing on Miata roll bars with one hand.

2. Live in an area with many expensive houses with hard to reach windows.

3. Purchase ladders, buckets and squeegees.

4. Put a GPS tracking collar on a cat.

shop-teacher > AestheticsInMotion 08/31/2017 at 22:55

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Kittay!!!!! He’s so fluffy!!

AestheticsInMotion > Textured Soy Protein 08/31/2017 at 23:01

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The first 3 steps probably aren’t even required

AestheticsInMotion > shop-teacher 08/31/2017 at 23:21

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There was also a 26 pound Maine Coon. Equally adorable, but I didn’t get close for fear of being eaten

shop-teacher > AestheticsInMotion 09/01/2017 at 07:03

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Hahahaha!

Chariotoflove > AestheticsInMotion 09/05/2017 at 14:57

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Training new employees can indeed be a pane.