I'm slightly buzzed and depressed/story and AMA

"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
08/26/2017 at 23:01 • Filed to: Drinking Depression

Im depressed because I did the right thing.

I’d decided to stop looking for women and relationships after the last rejection. And then without any effort, I thought one came to me. I’d been hanging out with one of my good friends from middle school who moved back earlier this year. Over the last few days she admitted to liking me, and I liking her too. I was already attracted to her before, but now more so and my feelings for her grew. It was a naturally mutual attraction for the first time. She is someone who shared many things in common with me, and could help me grow and explore and adventure my feelings and more in ways I could only dream of, and help me as much as I could her.

She was in a relationship that was failing and on the bleeding edge of a break up. I could’ve been an ass and seized the opportunity to make her mine and who knows what awesome things could’ve been. But I didn’t try to take advantage of anything or anyone and make what I wanted so badly that was nearly in the palm of my hands reality. Instead I set aside my feelings and emotions to do the morally right thing and not interfere with her relationship for my benefit. I did the morally right thing and just offered support to made sure she were happy, knowing well what it would mean in the end. And I was right. I couldn’t be happy if I took her away from her BF, or if she stayed with him. It was a no-win scenario for me. And I know of all the times in the past, this was real feelings; my head, heart and gut feel meh.

So here I am, trying to drink the last few days away. At least I’m at a bonfire with some friends, not that I feel better. It actually hurts to try and drink this down.

DISCUSSION (44)

CB > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/26/2017 at 23:08

You did an excellent thing, K-Roll. Try to enjoy your night.

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/26/2017 at 23:17

I’ve been in similar situations friend...and I felt the exact same way, I made the same decision you did and, sometimes, I still regret them as well - however, I know I could not have morally lived with myself if I had taken advantage of the situation for my own benefit. With time, you’ll come to realize you definitely did the right thing and live positively with it. It takes a lot of character and honor to make that choice.

Chariotoflove > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/26/2017 at 23:19

I’d like to think I’d be strong enough to do the same, but I’m not sure I would be. You’re a good man, and life will reward you for it. I’m sure of it.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars
08/26/2017 at 23:29

I don’t feel like I’m recovering from this at all, fast enough, if ever. It could’ve been something, something truly awesome. And I gave it up.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > CB
08/26/2017 at 23:29

It doesn’t feel excellent

CB > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/26/2017 at 23:31

And that’s how it goes some days. The right thing isn’t usually the easy thing.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Chariotoflove
08/26/2017 at 23:32

I don’t feel strong at all. I’m not strong. I just can’t do wrong things inherently because I just had to be raised right.

Birddog > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/26/2017 at 23:33

Quit drinking. Your mental health will thank you.

You’re too young to be going through this BS.

sony1492 > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/26/2017 at 23:36

I was on the other end of that spectrum when my now ex started hanging out with one of her old friends. Not long after she started talking to me less and eventually admitted to liking said person. She lied about how much she didn’t care for him and how much she still cared for me. Not more than a couple weeks after that we we apart. That was a gross oversimplification of the story but my point is: I know it dosent feel any good but you did the right thing, and it couldn’t have been easy. If she’s in a relationship and has genuine feelings for someone else than maybe that relationship won’t last too long.(shows there’s a underlying problem in said relationship)

Chariotoflove > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/26/2017 at 23:38

You never feel strong. You just make your choices according to what seems best.

Mercedes Streeter > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/26/2017 at 23:39

You know, I tried to do that once. I learned the hard way that it never works as a lasting thing.

For me, it was mutual between a friend and myself. I was still near rock bottom from being abandoned at prom while she hasn’t heard from her boyfriend in 4 months. We both felt it was the perfect situation for us to become more than just friends... At first, it was working spectacularly. I felt I would get everything I wanted in a relationship. Oh ho ho I never saw it coming. The boyfriend figured out what was happening and got super jealous. Amazingly, he changed from that point forward and used the threat of losing her to me to improve himself.

She got the man of her dreams, I self-harmed not soon after. Today, they’re in the happiest relationship I know...and that’s all because of me.

But yeah, don’t do that. As a general rule nowadays, I don’t get stick myself into someone else’s relationship, no matter how failing it is. If it fails, wait a bit before you try to take your chance with her. Heartbreak sucks and many folks will hop immediately into another relationship on an impulse, but not genuine feelings.

My verdict? You 111111000% did the right thing. Don’t beat yourself up over it! <3

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Chariotoflove
08/26/2017 at 23:44

It doesn’t feel best or worse though.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > CB
08/26/2017 at 23:45

I could be like this for a while.

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/26/2017 at 23:47

You didn’t give it up. You made a human moral choice to try and make help make another human being you care for happy - if that’s not a good choice, I don’t know what is. Yes, it was (sadly) at the expense of what could have been in terms of a relationship with you, but please take solace in the fact it takes a lot of courage to make that decision and you could’ve felt terrible in the future knowing your relationship (had you made the alternate choice) could’ve been taking advantage of a bad situation (at least if your brain is like mine, I might’ve looked at it that way in the future).

Look at it this way as well - you’ve mentioned relationship situations in the past (I’ve never had a ‘true’ long-term relationship, myself, so I’m in the same boat as you), and you were worried your time would never come. Mine hasn’t either, if that is any consolation, and I am 31 now...

Take this instance as proof that the chance is always out there. I wouldn’t say you didn’t take the chance, you just made an alternate choice. But if this situation can arise, who is to say there aren’t many other instances like this out there yet to come?

You could also make the choice to tell her how you truly feel - you nor I do not know where that road would take you, but then the choice is hers. If she chooses her previous BF, you can come away knowing you helped her through a rough patch and will still help her if she needs it. If she were to choose you, well, we know how that would end.

Hopefully that rambling made sense....I had a long shift at work and it’s almost 1am here so I am a bit tired. Chin up friend, we’ve got your back and, as they say, time heals all wounds. We are our choices - you are an upstanding gentleman for the one you made.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Mercedes Streeter
08/26/2017 at 23:47

I have and still am beating myself up over it. I wish I could keep drinking but the thought of drinking more makes me feel sick. And it’s the least I’ve drunk for the sake of drinking. Not even drunk which means I can feel it all.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > sony1492
08/26/2017 at 23:51

That’s worse than me. You were in the relationship.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Birddog
08/26/2017 at 23:51

Am I too young? No one can say when and where and how it’ll happen in someone’s life.

Svend > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 00:00

Sometimes you’ve just got to do the right thing at let the cards fall where they may.

If you’d pushed for her, there would be doubt in both her’s and your minds whether it was the right or wrong thing and ultimately that will push you away from each other.

You did the right thing even if it hurts a bit now, it would of hurt much more later.

Chariotoflove > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 00:04

I know. Stop thinking now. Go to bed. Think later.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Svend
08/27/2017 at 00:07

It’ll hurt. It’ll hurt longer and longer. The heart will still be broken into pieces and pieces.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Chariotoflove
08/27/2017 at 00:08

I can’t stop thinking. Even when I sleep. My dreams are thinking too. I’m also not home so I couldn’t sleep if I wanted to and I don’t.

Chariotoflove > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 00:17

Well the one thing you need to do is lay off the booze. Alcohol and anti-depressants don’t mix. I know. It’ll get better. I promise. Not right away, but it will.

Also, if what you and she had was real, and the other guy isnt healthy for her, she may be back. You’re actually helping your chances by being the good guy. Trust me on that.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Chariotoflove
08/27/2017 at 00:22

I’ve waited what I personally think I’ve waited an amount of time. I don’t deserve anyone, trying or not, looking or not, expecting nothing or whatever. It’s not a self fulfilling prophecy, this is just fate. I can’t change fate.

I expect nothing here either.

I have another burner, try to guess it! > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 00:23

Yeah, while I can’t say I’ve been in that exact situation, but one thing I’ve learned in life is you’ve gotta balance doing the right thing and doing what benefits you. Overall can’t go to far either way.

Do the “right thing” to often and you wind up being a cynical resentful robot running a script. And too far the other way you wind up a psychopath.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars
08/27/2017 at 00:26

But fate has made it clear nothing I do positive or negative will make me happy or get me what I truly want. Why do anything at this point

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > I have another burner, try to guess it!
08/27/2017 at 00:28

Whatever I end up as or like, it’ll only benefit everyone but me.

Chariotoflove > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 00:29

I know. It really sucks.

sony1492 > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 00:31

I’ve made decisions that were only morally right(mildly similar to your situation), you really start questioning if doing the right thing is even worth it. I know how it feels, peaple telling you it was right thing sounds hollow or practically meaningless.(but without them saying stuff it would somehow be worse) For me the only way it got better was getting slightly older which gave me the perspective to look back on it. Then all I could do was feel stupid for even beating myself up about it.

CRider > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 00:31

Kinja'd!!!

You are strong. You need to step back and take a moment to look at how strong you are.

Kinja'd!!!

Remember, there’s someone out there for everyone. Even you.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Chariotoflove
08/27/2017 at 00:33

Kinja'd!!!

It does more than suck. It kills. A loveless life is a living death.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > sony1492
08/27/2017 at 00:35

I feel as though doing nothing is better than anything. It hurts but at least I didn’t put any effort into it

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > CRider
08/27/2017 at 00:38

Someone has to believe it, because I don’t. I’ve tried both and it always leaves me hurt and broken.

I have another burner, try to guess it! > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 00:41

That’s what you’ve gotta change. I used to be like that and trust me, it leads to some dark and fucked up places.

I don’t really know what to tell you though. I know how I got out of it, but I can’t really recommend that way to anyone else.

Here’s a short video about what I’m trying to say.

I guess what I’m trying to say is; the way other people benefit from you, indifferent to how it affects you. Well you’ve got to be capable of it yourself too.

Svend > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 00:43

The pieces will mend and the hurt will become less and less.

sony1492 > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 00:55

This is true, at least you didn’t waste 7 months of your life.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > sony1492
08/27/2017 at 01:02

I’ve wasted a good amount of life on this and more.

CRider > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 01:12

Not believing something doesn’t make it false, you have to know it’s true. And stop drinking, that only leaves you hurter and brokener.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > CRider
08/27/2017 at 01:14

I haven’t even drunk as much as I did on my birthday and I feel like taking a sip of anything even coke will make me “iller”.

My bird IS the word > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 01:19

She’s an adult, she can make her own choices. If she really likes you, or has her shit together, she will be back. If not, then you dodged a bullet says I.

You can’t control other people. I find that if a relationship doesn’t happen there is a good reason, even if you don’t see it. You can know people, but you can’t know them completely.

Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 01:50

Drinking doesn’t help when you’re down. It’s a bottomless out so I would avoid it.

Check in with her again sometime soon. You never know if she’ll suddenly want to, uh....catch up. Leave the door open and don’t overanalyse :)

Birddog > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 04:48

Depression is a bitch. It happens to the best and worst.

It’s a true SOB to deal with.

BiTurbo228 - Dr Frankenstein of Spitfires > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 04:59

Do you owe anything to her BF? Is he a friend? Someone you know?

If not, then there is little moral imperative not to ‘take her away from him’. That’s not what’s happening, and suggesting it is sort of invalidates her choice in the matter. If you had pursued it, what would actually have happened is ‘she might have chosen you, not him’.

You have no moral imperative to maintain a relationship that isn’t right for the people in the relationship. Doing so is often more harmful to the people within it.

Saying that, I do think you made the right decision. People can get pretty messed up coming out of relationships. Not necessarily that she doesn’t actually like you as she sounds like she does, but more that she might end up attributing some of that confusion and guilt to you which might not bode so well for the relationship.

I know people tend to balk when they’re told this, but honestly, just chill out a bit. It’s not the end. If she likes you genuinely, then she will probably come back after she’s broken up with this guy and you can start your guilt-free relationship. You made a good call, which if it works right might result in a better footing to any future relationship. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Somebody likes you. Just wait and see ;)

Mercedes Streeter > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 09:01

I know that feeling, it’s double unpleasant.

Hope you’re feeling much better today!!! <3

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
08/27/2017 at 10:10

I think some of that is the alcohol talking. You still have your 924...sure it’s a material object, but as a petrolhead, at least you’ve got one thing you enjoy. :)

All in due time friend, chin up and keep on keepin’ on - things will turn for the good for you soon!