"shpuker" (shpuker)
08/05/2017 at 09:30 • Filed to: None
2
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"shpuker" (shpuker)
08/05/2017 at 09:30 • Filed to: None | 2
| 30 |
Vehicle platforms dating back to mid-90's Mercedes? A headlining V6 that all but flat out refuses to run tech from this decade? Top of the line V8 released 15 years ago? Still insists the Patriot is something people actually want? Yea this is just too fucking easy. *Cue the drinks and the hate*
Now if I’m actually going to properly dig into this shit-storm of a company then we’re gonna have to take a good look at how they got themselves into the fuck-storm of a situation they’re currently in.
Let’s start this history lesson with one of FCA’s biggest cash cows.
Jeep Grand Cherokee
Let me put a bit of a disclaimer up first here, I like the GC. I think it’s a decent vehicle. They drive nicely, they’re good off-road, they’re comfortable, and they look pretty damn fantastic. However... Its platform is a bit... OK a lot confusing. The WK2 platform was all but finalized in fucking 2006, so Mercedes had/has full access to the damn thing. As a result the ML/GLE Class, Durango, and GC all share a platform, a few transmissions, and some other odds and ends. Where that gets a bit odd is when you remember that the Mercedes starts at fucking $52,000. Really skews the GC’s per-unit cost from the start. But whatever right? So Daimler gutted your company and this is the last piece of meat they stripped off. Could’ve been worse. Could’ve been accused of cheating emissions on your diesels right! haha...ha...h...oh yea.... Awkward.
MOVING ON!
The new Jeep Cherokee!.... Wait that’s the Compass? But it looks exactly like the fucking Grand Ch.... Wait my lead image is the Cherokee?... What are they fucking high? Ok well what engine is it set to get here? the 2.4L? Oh sick the 2.4 Turbo?! Oh wait no they don’t make that engine? That’s a shame. Thing is it’s based on the Renegade platform which has a possible engine list about a mile long if you look at worldwide offerings... Yea that’s right you can get the Renegade (depending on where you are) with a 1.4L MultiAir Turbo, a 1.4L MultiAir2 Turbo, a 1.4L non-MultiAir Turbo, a 2.0L N/A, 2.0L N/A MultiAir, 1.6L E.torQ, 1.6L MultiJet2, 2.0L MultiJet2, or that 2.4L MultiAir I was talking about a second ago... That’s 9 engine offering IN CURRENT FUCKING USE in one platform... Are you fucking kidding me?
This is going to take forever if I don’t speed this shit up. FLASH ROUND - JEEP
Cherokee: Who the literal fuck designed this piece of shit? Aside from that they actually knocked it out of the fucking park n my opinion, and apparently that of about 200,000 people per fucking year. Right? This ugly sack of shit sells ridiculously well. Maybe they’re onto something.
Wrangler: The fact that this thing exists in 2017 is insane, the fact that it sells at all is idiotic, the fact that it sells damn near 200,000 units every year is mind-blowing. The marketing team behind the Wrangler’s sales explosion post-2010 is amazing.
Patriot: Jeep just give it up. This things a piece of shit, nobody wants it, nobody bu.... You sold 120,000 of them last year?... Are you fucking kidding me? OK well I guess I know nothing at all, carry on.
RAM
Naw they’re pretty much knocking it out of the park across the board here.
Chrysler
Two years ago the Chrysler 200 looked like a breakout star. Then this crazy thing called “being an unreliable piece of shit” happened and people stopped buying it... FCA’s response? Fuck it let’s just get rid of it and focus on getting rid of every vehicle in the Chrysler lineup that isn’t the 300 or the Pacifica... Honestly why does Chrysler even exist anymore? Just shift the fucking 200 over to Dodge as the Shadow or some shit, launch a higher end Grand Caravan, and a more luxo-focused Charger.
Dodge
Yea so this is still a thing they sell... I don’t think I need to say anything other than that really, its just a piece of sh... Oh they sole over 100,000 of them last year as well? Fuck everything.
How about the Durango! the Durango is aactually a decent veh... It sold 40,000 units less than the Journey? Are you fuc...
THE CHARGER!
What a phenomenal vehicle! Attractive, great engine lineup, handles well, shares a platform with a 1998 Mercedes, and it sold 5,000+ less than the Journey last year... Wait.... Uhh.... Ok? What is anything....
Challenger?
Fuck off its perfect.
Fiat
Flash round!
500: Straight up tiny as fuck, people in the US don’t buy tiny cars.
500X: Competes directly against the Renegade because it pretty much fucking is a Renegade... You just doubled a host of production costs for shit all of a sales increase. Good job.
500L: Brand it as a RAM and sell it as a Taxi and you’d sell 100,000 per year. As a Fiat selling to people with eyes? Yea no one wants that shit.
124: Great car, could’ve easily just branded it as a Dodge in the US and sold 5 times as many though...
Honestly if you just look at the number of engines they sell in the US though (like what I gave Ford such a hard time about) they don’t look so bad! All they have is the 1.4L, 1.4T, 2.4L, 3.2L, 3.6L, 5.7L, 6.2L SC, 6.4L, and the 6.7L Cummins. Where it gets a bit fucked is when you start looking at the apparent lack of quality control, market overlap, and the fact that they have 27 different models across all FCA brands in the US alone. Honestly how do you expect to maintain any level of quality when you’re stretching your resources that thin?
Look for my take on what their lineup should look like later today, let me know what you think below.
Disclaimer:It’s now 1:45am and the alcohol has officially started to wear off so I’m straight up not giving a shit at this point. Oh yea, I also grew up a Dodge truck fanboy and have a hard time talking critically about them. Get over it.
pip bip - choose Corrour
> shpuker
08/05/2017 at 09:55 |
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correct!
Eric @ opposite-lock.com
> shpuker
08/05/2017 at 10:01 |
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The Challenger is just a shortened Charger. See critiques of the Charger immediately above the image that apply to the Challenger, plus it’s really fat/heavy for a coupe. The competition is this segment of the market upstages them in every respect.
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shpuker
> Eric @ opposite-lock.com
08/05/2017 at 10:04 |
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SHUT UP IT’S BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING AND IT RIDES LIKE GLASS AND HAS 1,000,000 HP AND GETS 100 MPG YOU WHORE
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Eric @ opposite-lock.com
> shpuker
08/05/2017 at 10:08 |
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Not based on my experience. Most that I’ve been closely familiar with had serious drivetrain problems straight from the factory.
Being produced by FCA is enough to make anything shit.
Also note that this car is upstaged in basically every possible way by the other muscle car type coupes.
Nothing
> shpuker
08/05/2017 at 10:09 |
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I love the Challenger and want one. It was what I comparison shopped against my...Tacoma. My wife approved of both, but glared ominously when I said I was going to drive the Scat Pack Challenger. Plus it was a good $10k more than the Taco. Damnit.
Wrangler? Marketing team? You’re kidding right? The advertising budget for the Wrangler could be zero, and they’ll still sell at least as many. When the pickup debuts...oh my lord, look out. If it wasn’t going to be $45k or so decently equipped, I’d debate trading in the Taco on one.
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shpuker
> Eric @ opposite-lock.com
08/05/2017 at 10:12 |
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If it wasn’t absolutely clear there was a smidgen of sarcasm in that last reply. Yes I realize the Challenger has it’s flaws and the whole “being made by FCA” part really exasperates any reliability issues, but it’s just such a lovable piece of shit.
Your boy, BJR
> shpuker
08/05/2017 at 10:16 |
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Oh good, someone talking about Mopar. I’m sure the comments will be well thought out and researched from experience and not just a bunch of idiots spewing the same cliches that have littered the wastelands of hack automotive journalism since the beginning of time.
(I refuse to call them FCA, they’ve always been Mopar to me, they will always be Mopar to me.)
JeepJeremy
> shpuker
08/05/2017 at 10:19 |
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Your Jeep takes are on point!
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shpuker
> Nothing
08/05/2017 at 10:21 |
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I wouldn’t be so fast to jump on that boat with the Wrangler. Pre-2010 it sold decently well (typically 60k-80k), after 2010, or the financial crisis more likely, they damn sure ramped up marketing, finally put a real engine in it, and suddenly they’re selling 150k-200k of them a year no problem. Don’t get me wrong I love the Wrangler and I think this gen is easily the best at being a vehicle, but they took it from an enthusiasts car to a mainstream sex symbol in the last 10 years. (Yes everyone knew the Wrangler and may have liked it, but they wouldn’t have considered buying one. That’s the point)
dogisbadob
> shpuker
08/05/2017 at 10:22 |
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Dodge should sell a cute lil small car in the US. Maybe they could sell the Micra that Nissan refuses to sell to us even though it’s sold in Canada. A sub-10k car in the US would be awesome and would become very popular among Uber/Lyft drivers. The Micra or any other Japanese small car not sold here could fill this role.
In fact, all their small to midsize cars could be rebadged JDM/Euro something. Bring back DSM!
They should also captive import the Mitsubishi Triton pickup. A new Dakota.
Offer the passenger Doblo over here as the Caravan. Right now, we only get the cargo Doblo as the Promaster City. Ford sells a passenger Transit Connect here.
They should also bring the passenger Ducato here, too.
Honestly, I think Ram as a separate division is stupid. They should just be Dodge trucks. Dodge Doblo. Dodge Ducato. Dodge Ram. etc.
I agree with your Dodge Miata.
Since they’re selling rebadged Chargers as Maseratis, why couldn’t they have done the same thing with the Viper? Manual-only for Dodge, automatic for Maserati.
Jeep needs to offer the export-market diesel Wrangler here, especially since it’s already built here alongside domestic market Wranglers. They just got approval for new diesels, too. An SRT Wrangler would be cool, too.
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Nothing
> shpuker
08/05/2017 at 10:39 |
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Even as a mediocre (at best) road vehicle, they sold at a decent clip for a very niche market when only the 2 door was available. The Unlimited just brought it to the masses as a viable 4 door SUV. Yes they started offering the JKU in ‘07 and needed marketing to kick them off. There will be a blitz when the ‘18 comes out to remind everyone how cool and free they can be, kind of like the X games style promos of the Taco when they came out in ‘16 with the redesign. After that, people just keep buying them on reputation and want.
Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero
> shpuker
08/05/2017 at 10:41 |
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They already tried moving the 200 under dodge. It was the dart. And it got canceled too
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Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero
> Your boy, BJR
08/05/2017 at 10:42 |
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Mopar is a performance brand. Not an automaker. Do you call GM Jeggs?
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shpuker
> dogisbadob
08/05/2017 at 10:44 |
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Honestly I don’t think you can get a super-compact to sell well enough in the US for the profits to be worth it. If I had to BS together a way to do it I’d say maybe you could try and sign a Lyft/Uber style company to a contract where they supply drivers with either a Dodge super-compact, ad Pro-Master City taxi style van, or a Dart hatchback. Maybe then they could take off a bit. Basically a modernized take on taxis without going full Uber/Lyft levels of mistreating your employees and ya know, actually ensuring the safety of your riders.
RAM does sell a passenger Pro-Master, it isn’t a full window style like the Transit Connect passenger though. It could use a few style tweaks IMO and a bit of targeted marketing towards taxi/Uber services.
I disagree on the RAM brand. I think it creates a solid separation of parties between the industrial side of the company and the passenger vehicle side. Plus it helps to shield their truck assets if anything were to happen to Dodge.
I’m not sure the Viper, even in its tamed form, is level-headed enough to rebrand as a Maserati. I wouldn’t mind seeing it to be honest, but I don’t think it would sell. I’d rather they take the old Stratus platform that they developed and allow Dodge to produce a $50k-$60k starting point mid-engined sports car to compete against the Corvette directly. The Viped always came across too harsh for most middle-aged consumers. So give them what they want. Beat Chevy to market with a mid-engined beast.
Completely agree on the diesel Wrangler. Rumor is its going to happen for the 2018.
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shpuker
> Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero
08/05/2017 at 10:49 |
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Yea they use the same basic underpinnings, they’re not the same platform though technically. The 200 is slightly longer and wider, and happens to weigh 500 lbs more and it comes with a V6. Sure it still might not sell but it’d not sell as one model instead of two then.
Personally I think a Dodge Shadow sedan/hatchback combo with the entry level engine as the 1.4L Turbo multi air, the large volume engine as the 2.0L T, and the performance engine as the Challenger tuned 3.6L would be great. Just need to actually make it somewhat reliable.
PWRandSPD
> shpuker
08/05/2017 at 10:51 |
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The thing that made the Wrangler really jump was in 2007 they introduced 4 doors. The Wrangler was always popular, but once you got to a certain age and needed back doors, people moved onto other vehicles. If they had introduced the Dakar concept during the TJ generation, I am sure we would have seen a similar bump in sales(but would need removable roof imo, to keep it a Wrangler). Seriously, 2006(TJ) approx 80,000+ units, 2007(JK) approx 130,000 units. The introduction of 4 doors was huge, it made it easier for those with families/kids to live with one. Seriously, any college campus during ‘90's-early ‘00's was full of Wranglers. I cannot think of a single other model vehicle that was all over the parking lots. What is not to love, a 4WD convertible adventure vehicle that you could remove the doors.
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shpuker
> Nothing
08/05/2017 at 10:53 |
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I’m not disputing the fact that they sold well-enough before. But the sales difference is still massive.
I’m pretty excited to see how the next gen does. I think it’s going to see another decent jump in sales, especially outside the US/Canada. Probably still ~250-275k its first year or two in the US alone.
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shpuker
> PWRandSPD
08/05/2017 at 10:54 |
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This is very true.
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Your boy, BJR
> shpuker
08/05/2017 at 11:21 |
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They do make a luxo charger. The 300. They need to give it more love though. My 300 is the best car I’ve ever owned, I’d love to see them do more with it still. A hellcat 300 would be nice. They still sell not only the 300 SRT, but the lower priced SRT Core in aussie, why no love for it here????
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shpuker
> Your boy, BJR
08/05/2017 at 11:52 |
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1) Not sure if you caught what I was suggesting there. I was saying they should close up shop at Chrysler and shift their assets to Dodge, part of which would be a luxury focused Charger.
2) Luxury package Hellcat Charger. Boom
3) In the US we have the Charger Scat Pack. It’s basically an SXT base with an SRT powertrain. It’s awesome.
Probenja
> dogisbadob
08/05/2017 at 12:05 |
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They already sell the L200/Triton in UAE, as the RAM 1200:
http://truckyeah.jalopnik.com/ram-and-mitsubishi-are-trading-trucks-again-1788033070
punkgoose17
> shpuker
08/05/2017 at 12:06 |
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Just yesterday I was contemplating, wondering, when FCA will go bankrupt.
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Probenja
> shpuker
08/05/2017 at 12:16 |
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The 200 is a US-only car, the Town & Country ended production, so guess what car Chrysler sells worldwide, yeah they just sell the 300!
I really like how Fiat ended up merging with Chrysler Co. They are both known for their unreliability, using old platforms from other companies and mostly good looking cars.
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Your boy, BJR
> shpuker
08/05/2017 at 12:36 |
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Nah, the 300 is a legendary name with a much longer pedigree than the charger. They need to move the charger back downmarket and shift the 300 up more
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shpuker
> Your boy, BJR
08/05/2017 at 13:14 |
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I agree to disagree
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shpuker
> Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero
08/05/2017 at 13:15 |
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If we’re gonna get technical it’s a parts brand so you’d have to call GM ACDelco
sm70- why not Duesenberg?
> shpuker
08/06/2017 at 20:03 |
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This is a really fucking good fucking write-up, and you make some fucking excellent fucking points.
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shpuker
> sm70- why not Duesenberg?
08/06/2017 at 20:10 |
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The best part is I never swear so its super family friendly!
Textured Soy Protein
> shpuker
08/23/2017 at 15:55 |
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Well technically the Charger shares its bones with the W211 E-Class which came out in 2003.
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shpuker
> Textured Soy Protein
08/23/2017 at 16:10 |
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Technically shared details with the W220 as well