Mayonnaise Is My Friend

"Stef Schrader" (stefschrader) 07/19/2017 at 02:35 • Filed to: mayonnaise, pre-dinner snack, ROSMT, Dino-Roar, MSR-Houston, Eric Is A Poop

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Photo credit: Eric Rood

Don’t mind me. I’ve just got my pre-dinner snack.

I want the VINEGAR, baby!

Also, I need the rest of the mayonnaise.

Because mayonnaise is good.

Shoop > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 02:39

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I can recommend this recipe.

http://www.hellmanns.com/recipes/detail/32658/1/parmesan-crusted-chicken

It came off a mayo jar so you know it’s good.

Shoop > Shoop 07/19/2017 at 02:44

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Also, I RECOGNIZE THAT DINOSAUR

Shoop > Shoop 07/19/2017 at 02:48

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Also I like that someone on the jalopnik payroll is shitposting at 3 am like the rest of us peasants

Shoop > Shoop 07/19/2017 at 02:48

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Also I wish I could sleep I have car parts to buy please help.

Dusty Ventures > Shoop 07/19/2017 at 02:55

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That actually isn’t the same dinosaur

Rustholes-Are-Weight-Reduction > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 03:06

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I generally try to avoid believing in clichés, but the fact that such a huge jar of mayonnaise is available in the States makes it really hard.

Kinda related:

pip bip - choose Corrour > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 03:49

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that much for one person has to be unhealthy

Shoop > Rustholes-Are-Weight-Reduction 07/19/2017 at 04:23

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You’ve clearly never been to a Costco

Rustholes-Are-Weight-Reduction > Shoop 07/19/2017 at 04:50

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Never been to the US, so, no. Will be in NYC in September. I am curious, excited, and scared, in that order

whatisthatsound > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 06:16

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Stef, I think you’re going to like my next car. I was convinced to drive one after your article.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 06:35

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Miracle Whip or get out. Mayonnaise is the devil.

nerd_racing > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 06:57

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When in Nebraska...

spanfucker retire bitch > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 07:09

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Stapleface > TheRealBicycleBuck 07/19/2017 at 07:10

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No. Miracle Whip doesn’t belong anywhere near my sandwiches. Hellman’s for me. Kraft in a pinch. But Miracle Whip? I’d rather the sandwich dry.

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 07:33

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Ugh Mayo. I actually like a little bit of mayo on stuff, but its IMPOSSIBLE to get any sandwich shop or restaurant to understand what VERY LIGHT means. I am scared to think what extra mayo would look like..

Mercedes Streeter > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 08:45

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Substitute that jar of mayo for a jar of crunchy pickles and you basically have me. xD

Dave the car guy , still here > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 08:57

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You need to try Dukes mayo. No added sugar, its 3rd best selling in US. I’m from the South and had to have my sister ship me it to the Midwest until Walmart started to carry it.

The Crazy Kanuck; RIP Oppositelock > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 09:06

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That’s tiny, I see mayo in 5 gallon pales regularly. Go through two of them in a week. Stupid restaurant job.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 09:06

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See, I have on good authority (by which I mean I heard in a Weird Al song) that mashed potatoes can be my friends, but this mayo thing, I don’t know...

Jayhawk Jake > Rustholes-Are-Weight-Reduction 07/19/2017 at 09:30

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Restaurants exist and use things like Mayo.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > TheRealBicycleBuck 07/19/2017 at 09:49

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Miracle whip is salad dressing. Never put salad dressing on a sandwich.

Rustholes-Are-Weight-Reduction > Jayhawk Jake 07/19/2017 at 09:57

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Sure they do, but are those huge jars available in your local supermarket and routinely bought by non restaurant people?

CaptDale - is secretly British > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 12:53

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Eww! Mayo is gross and is just a nasty sandwich lubricant.

Ulfberht > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 13:47

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You might also enjoy the Life of Boris channel. If I may,

And this gem...

BritishLeyland™ > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 14:33

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Mayonnaise in the coolant, however, is no ones friend.

Mixeddrinks > Rustholes-Are-Weight-Reduction 07/19/2017 at 14:33

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My neighbor has it in his backyard party tent. Mustard, ketchup, and mayo with pump. Kind of like what you have in a food truck. Pretty handy I have to say, not gonna lie, I have crossed our tiny fence and used some while grilling burgers in the yard.

Rustholes-Are-Weight-Reduction > Mixeddrinks 07/19/2017 at 14:40

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Don’t they go bad in such large containers?

Mixeddrinks > Rustholes-Are-Weight-Reduction 07/19/2017 at 14:50

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Heinz got pretty good shelf life as far as I know. The stuff in question. Notice how it says Family Size.

Mixeddrinks > Rustholes-Are-Weight-Reduction 07/19/2017 at 14:52

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The mayo does need to be refrigerated though, and those usually don’t come with a pump but not a big issue if you can use it all relatively quick. 1 or 2 party and you pretty much done with a jar.

nerd_racing > Mixeddrinks 07/19/2017 at 15:28

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I don’t party with people who use that much mayo...

Also I thought you said patty for a minute there. like 1 or 2 burgers for all that mayo!

Chariotoflove > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 15:35

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That first pic is perfect fodder for some McMike “Above the LOL” tomfoolery.

Mixeddrinks > nerd_racing 07/19/2017 at 15:58

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haha that would be a mayo steak.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > TheRealBicycleBuck 07/19/2017 at 16:42

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Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 16:43

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Do they not have Duke’s in Texas? If not, for shame...

Frank Grimes > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 19:22

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They speak english like they suddenly learned and are trying out what its like.

Stef Schrader > Rustholes-Are-Weight-Reduction 07/19/2017 at 19:29

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Foodservice size!

(Seriously, if anyone knows of a food kitchen somewhere that needs a large thing of mayo, LMK.)

Stef Schrader > TheRealBicycleBuck 07/19/2017 at 19:32

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Miracle Whip is an abomination. Never use it, ever. Mayo > *.

Stef Schrader > Shoop 07/19/2017 at 19:36

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A+ good dino.

Stef Schrader > Shoop 07/19/2017 at 19:37

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Love to post things!

Stef Schrader > Dusty Ventures 07/19/2017 at 19:38

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This is true. There are multiple Dino-Roars.

Stef Schrader > Shoop 07/19/2017 at 19:39

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Any recipe that calls for a lot of mayo is probably legit. Unless it also involves ranch dressing, or broccoli or something else that’s gross.

Stef Schrader > Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) 07/19/2017 at 19:39

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It looks like my sandwich.

Stef Schrader > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 07/19/2017 at 19:40

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BFFs. 4srs.

Stef Schrader > whatisthatsound 07/19/2017 at 19:40

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OOOOOOH YESSSSSS

Stef Schrader > Dave the car guy , still here 07/19/2017 at 19:40

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It is good mayo.

Stef Schrader > CaptDale - is secretly British 07/19/2017 at 19:40

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10000% wrong.

Stef Schrader > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 07/19/2017 at 19:41

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They do! It’s awesome.

Stef Schrader > Ulfberht 07/19/2017 at 19:42

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YES!!! I love Boris.

He appreciates the good things in life, like mayonez.

Ulfberht > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 19:48

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Hahahaha Sweeet! Yeah Boris is badass.

Speaking of which, I need to pull out my Adidas track suit...

CaptDale - is secretly British > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 19:50

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No! I am right. There are many better things to put on your sandwich

Stef Schrader > pip bip - choose Corrour 07/19/2017 at 20:06

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I know. I need more.

Stef Schrader > nerd_racing 07/19/2017 at 20:06

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Nah, nah, everything’s bigger in Texas. Even the mayo jars.

Stef Schrader > BritishLeyland™ 07/19/2017 at 20:06

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Coolant is the Miracle Whip of car fluids. So bad.

Stef Schrader > The Crazy Kanuck; RIP Oppositelock 07/19/2017 at 20:07

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That’s almost enough mayo.

Stef Schrader > spanfucker retire bitch 07/19/2017 at 20:07

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More for meeeee!

Stef Schrader > Mercedes Streeter 07/19/2017 at 20:08

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Pickles are good.

Stef Schrader > Frank Grimes 07/19/2017 at 20:08

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I need to do that with parsh-ese. The language of parsh. Like a love language, but for parsh.

Stef Schrader > Chariotoflove 07/19/2017 at 20:08

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Meme me.

Chariotoflove > Stef Schrader 07/19/2017 at 23:57

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I’ll see what I can do. :)

Urambo Tauro > Stef Schrader 08/07/2017 at 15:16

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“You are what you eat”

McMike > Stef Schrader 08/07/2017 at 21:47

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Half full or half empty?

Stef Schrader > McMike 08/09/2017 at 02:35

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Everything is empty and sad.