I Hope You Are Sitting Down For This One

"bwp240" (bwp240)
07/13/2017 at 13:05 • Filed to: Wat, Found on Craigslist

What is even happening here...

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Ad preserved below, along with silly pictures... Buckle Up...

Submitted for your consideration is this outstanding vehicle

with a remarkable history. This fine example of German engineering has been owned by a number of famous people. Pope Francis used this vehicle for a short period as The Pope Mobile, or as they say in Rome “Da Popa Mobila”. He later returned it because it wasn’t austere enough (it does have AC after all). It was later purchased and driven by Donald Trump for several months, but he returned it because it wasn’t made in America. Hillary Clinton then purchased it for use on her campaign, but she returned it when she found out it couldn’t run on empty promises. I think some of Hillary’s missing emails are stored on the car’s computer chip, but I’ll leave that for the new owner to verify. In 2016 I nosed out Denny Hamlin to win the Daytona 500. Race Week called it “The Biggest Upset in Motor Sports History”. Unfortunately, I was later disqualified by NASCAR for not having enough stickers on the car. Vehicles with this kind of lineage are usually only available at
the high-end auction houses, but you have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to purchase this vehicle right here on Craigslist. The real deal:
2000 VW Golf 148,000 miles 5 speed manual 2.0L 4 cyl AC, cruise control, power locks, power windows, heated seats
I’ve owned it 10 years, no serious problems. I drive it from Navarre to Hurlburt everyday. Gets great gas mileage (30 mpg). I’ve driven to Cincinnati twice in the last year and drove it to New Mexico two years ago. Very reliable commuter car.
Issues: The sunroof was leaking, so I disabled it and caulked it shut. The check engine light is on because I disconnected the Mass Airflow Sensor. The MAS was causing it to run very rough, so I just disconnected it. There’s a dent in the lift gate and a cracked tail light. The dent does not effect the door from working and the tail light is still legal. The head liner has been removed. The glove compartment hinge is broken. The switch holder bracket on the driver’s door is broken. The switches and all the windows still work. The bracket is $10 on Ebay. The tires need to be replaced, but I have a set of rims and tires that are included with the car. It needs new brake pads all around (4 wheel disk brakes). The ABS light comes on occasionally. ABS sensor probably needs to be cleaned. Runs good, but could probably use a tune-up, oil change, and radiator flush. I only have one key for the car. It’s a laser key, so they’re expensive. It needs wiper blades, front and back. It has a slight oil leak. The airbag warning light is on. I don’t know why, probably a loose connection somewhere. It’s due for a timing belt change (about $300). THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE IN THE NEAR FUTURE OR YOU COULD DESTROY THE ENGINE!
Basically, she’s a 17 year old car. Any lady of substance is
going to have some character lines, that’s what makes her beautiful. I think it’s a great car for running around town. It has no major issues that I know of, but it may run another 10 years or 10 minutes. I’m not a fortune teller. It comes with a bumper-to-bumper warranty that’s good until I have your money in my pocket, then you’re on your own. It’s probably best suited for someone with some mechanical skills. If you’re a liberal snowflake who runs to their safe space everytime the check engine light comes on, this is not the vehicle for you.
$2100 hard-earned American dollars. Cash only. No trades.
If you’re a liberal, it’s $2500. That’s to cover the Nancy Pelosi stupidity tax. It’s to compensate me for the mental anguish I experience everytime a liberal says something stupid.
Navarre, by the golf course.

DISCUSSION (17)

C62030 > bwp240
07/13/2017 at 13:08

What...in the everloving fuck...is this man smoking, snorting and shooting up simultaneously?

TorqueToYield > bwp240
07/13/2017 at 13:13

“The check engine light is on because I disconnected the MassAirflow Sensor. The MAS was causing it to run very rough, soI just disconnected it.”

I’m no expert mechanic, but that might be a problem.

Wagonlife740 > C62030
07/13/2017 at 13:13

...and is he/she willing to share?

CalzoneGolem > bwp240
07/13/2017 at 13:18

This is what mental illness looks like.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > bwp240
07/13/2017 at 13:20

I’d never buy the car, but I’d give them a couple bucks for the ad

fintail > bwp240
07/13/2017 at 13:23

I wonder what he would do if you tried to pay him in Rubles.

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > fintail
07/13/2017 at 13:28

Offer to trade a Lada Riva and pay in Rubles to cover the difference

HammerheadFistpunch > bwp240
07/13/2017 at 13:32

there is one too many zeros on that price.

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > bwp240
07/13/2017 at 13:33

I wouldn’t pay $1 for that Golf, but A for effort.

Chariotoflove > bwp240
07/13/2017 at 13:44

It comes with a bumper-to-bumper warranty that’s good until I have your money in my pocket, then you’re on your own.

Best part and reward for reading all the way down.

Frenchlicker > bwp240
07/13/2017 at 13:51

Does he think an interesting but stupid ad makes up for him charging at least $1000 too much for that thing?

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > bwp240
07/13/2017 at 14:03

Somebody’s got too much time and anger on their hands.

fintail > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo
07/13/2017 at 14:12

And have your son meet with a lawyer to complete the deal.

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > fintail
07/13/2017 at 14:18

Sad!

Do they also accept covfefe?

12and35 > bwp240
07/13/2017 at 15:29

OMG....Thank you... that made my day so much better. I am literally crying with laughter. Ahhh.... that’s awesome.

“I think it’s a great car for running around town.
It has no major issues that I know of, but it may run another
10 years or 10 minutes. I’m not a fortune teller.” HAHAHAHA

fintail > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo
07/13/2017 at 15:30

There will be a contract, but the party might (will) back out.

arl > bwp240
07/13/2017 at 16:43

I appreciate the humor. The photoshop was particularly funny. Terrible, but still funny.