2017 Pimpala 4cyl: The very uninformative "review" by jkm 

"jkm7680" (jkm7680) 05/04/2017 at 20:58 • Filed to: None

4

45

Exterior 9/10

The Pimpala looks very nice.

Interior 7/10

It feels like a cheapy Cadillac. Soft touch materials, but it makes the entire car feel fucking massive because the dashboard has too many contours. The backseat exists, but I didn’t go back there because why the shit would I?

Toys 5/10

The aux jack and USB ports are tucked away in the center console so you can’t find them ever. There also was not a reverse camera, which was fucking stupid, because the Impala is roughly the size of a moderately large river barge. The audio is really decent.

Engine Shit/10

It’s a 2.Something or other 4cyl. Sounds like shit. Kickdown is horrible, nothing happens for like three seconds then first gear over-revs and dumps down violently if you let off the throttle. It has several horsepower and a few quantities of torque quite possibly.

Handling 6/10

It’s FWD, heavy and has a poop engine in it. What do you expect.

Brakes 7/10

Brakes stop the car.

Final score: 40/60+Shit or so.

Here’s the only picture of it I took. Kiss my ass.

This review brought to you by tequila.

ask questions if you ever so desire.

dogisbadob > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:02

1

Too bad they don’t offer the front bench seat anymore :(

jkm7680 > dogisbadob 05/04/2017 at 21:02

2

OR RWD

CB > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:05

0

Most people probably couldn’t give less of a shit that it isn’t RWD.

jkm7680 > CB 05/04/2017 at 21:06

0

Yeah, but it would suck less.

CB > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:06

4

RWD doesn’t automatically make a vehicle suck less.

OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars > CB 05/04/2017 at 21:08

1

It means it doesn’t torque steer though and I am all about that.

jkm7680 > CB 05/04/2017 at 21:09

2

Well, yeah it usually does.

Steve in Manhattan > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:12

0

Wait - doesn’t this sort of setup result in a 4 cylinder that gets crappier real world mileage than a decent V6? Or supercharge it? Is this meant for fleet only?

CB > OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars 05/04/2017 at 21:13

2

Fair point, but I’d rather have a well engineered FWD car than a shit RWD car.

jkm7680 > Steve in Manhattan 05/04/2017 at 21:14

0

it is a fleet vehicle, but the 4cyl is the most popular option with the Impala regardless.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:14

0

i don’t want to kiss your ass

CB > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:14

0

Wow, thank you for that well thought out and reasoned argument.

Steve in Manhattan > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:15

0

Really? Does it even make 200 HP?

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Steve in Manhattan 05/04/2017 at 21:15

2

Exactly 200hp

Amoore100 > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:16

1

Definitely agreed on the rear camera point. Our rental also lacked one despite being a higher trim LTZ V6 and man, every time we reversed it you’d just inch backwards and pray because that rear window may as well be a skylight. Smh, Honda has reverse cameras STANDARD on even the cheapest Fit, get your shit together GM or make a car we can FUCKING SEE OUT OF. Anyways, everything else was fine. Great as a rental, but wouldn’t ever buy one. My new-to-me XC70 is miles plusher and cost at least $10K less than a midspec V6 (and is probably faster with the Polestar T6 although the infotainment is just as infuriating.)

jkm7680 > CB 05/04/2017 at 21:18

0

ok grumpy.

jkm7680 > Steve in Manhattan 05/04/2017 at 21:18

1

Yeah, doesn’t feel like it though.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:18

1

Base motor of a 3700lb Impala shouldn’t be the same as 3400lb Malibu. I always found it odd the post-2011 W-Body Impala got a standard V6 but this heavier one doesn’t.

jkm7680 > Amoore100 05/04/2017 at 21:19

1

Exactly. Especially for somebody who isn’t used to a car of that size, like Toyota was offering reverse cameras on the 4runner in like 2005. Why not have them standard in 2017 on an Impala fleet vehicle that will most certainly be crashed into a million things.

jkm7680 > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras 05/04/2017 at 21:19

0

please?

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:20

0

never

Steve in Manhattan > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:21

1

It weighs like what? Three or four Ariel Atoms? Eeeesh.

jkm7680 > Logansteno: Bought a VW? 05/04/2017 at 21:21

0

They could at least slap a turbo on it.

The older Impalas generation before this were pretty peppy from what I remember, especially the Police Interceptors.

Noah - Now with more boost. > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:22

1

I was curious - this car is actually 2 inches longer than mine. I feel inferior now.

jkm7680 > Steve in Manhattan 05/04/2017 at 21:22

0

3,600 or so. Probably, hah.

dogisbadob > OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars 05/04/2017 at 21:22

0

how much torque sterr will a tiny 4-cylinder make on a 2-ton pig tho? :p

jkm7680 > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras 05/04/2017 at 21:22

1

ok fine

dogisbadob > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:22

0

yeah, but it isn’t powerful enough for FWD to be that much of a limitation.

jkm7680 > Noah - Now with more boost. 05/04/2017 at 21:22

1

If I still had my A6, it’s probably much bigger.

OpposResidentLexusGuy - USE20, XF20, XU30 and Press Cars > dogisbadob 05/04/2017 at 21:23

1

More than my rwd car

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:23

2

The Malibu’s top-spec 250hp 2.0T should be the Impala’s base motor, then the 3.6 as an option as it stands now.

The 2012 LS I drove had a lot of ass to it. That was about all it was good for.

jkm7680 > dogisbadob 05/04/2017 at 21:23

1

With the 6, it would work better. For sure not a 4 though.

If they were to make a PPV version especially.

jkm7680 > Logansteno: Bought a VW? 05/04/2017 at 21:25

0

It really should be.

Plus the previous gen of Impala were pretty unreliable. Cheap fleet vehicles.

Steve in Manhattan > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:28

1

Joe Rental Car (and believe me, I’ve been him) needs passing power to pass a big rig on a slight hill. The power band should resemble the one on the V6 Camry back home. There is no percentage in having Joe in the passing lane with no passing. Especially on a 2 lane road.

unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:32

5

10/10 review would recommend while drunk and looking for a scoob quality car. - IGN

“this car review changed my life that I now live in a trustfund hipster van while vlogging it on youtube for your money on patreon. My wife also sells useless shit on etsy.” - some hipster with a beard

“ur a poo” - thehondabro

jkm7680 > unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) 05/04/2017 at 21:33

1

wonderful 10/10

BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 21:47

3

Relevant?

jkm7680 > BlueMazda2 - Blesses the rains down in Africa, Purveyor of BMW Individual Arctic Metallic, Merci Twingo 05/04/2017 at 21:50

1

Yes!

shop-teacher > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 22:01

0

Sounds about right. I like the Impala, but it needs the V6.

WilliamsSW > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 22:14

0

Yeah but how many dead bodies fit in the trunk?

Also, 2.shit motor with no snails? Blech

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 22:34

0

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

And at least it’s not a Volvo.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > Steve in Manhattan 05/04/2017 at 22:35

0

Curious math.

Rusty Vandura - www.tinyurl.com/keepoppo > dogisbadob 05/04/2017 at 22:36

1

True, that.

loki03xlh > CB 05/04/2017 at 23:06

0

I really like the looks of the Impala, but FWD is not an option.

wafflesnfalafel > jkm7680 05/04/2017 at 23:34

0

agree - except I’d give exterior only an 8 out of 10. It’s biggest asset is the 3.6 motor which makes it a better than average highway cruiser. It will comfortably do 85 all the way across Arizona, but not with that little 4cyl...