Give me your hottest takes

"CalzoneGolem" (calzonegolem) 04/12/2017 at 14:08 • Filed to: None

2

58

Subaru Ascent. Tribeca successor.

CB > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:11

1

100% adequate.

DaftRyosuke - So Long and Thanks for All the Fish! > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:11

0

Not bad, decently attractive like everything else Subaru makes right now. It’ll sell for sure...hell I’d buy one if the new Enclave didn’t exist.

Nibbles > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:12

1

Looks like a Ford Explorer fucked Mile High Invesco Field at Mile High Sports Authority Field at Mile High Mile High

jimz > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:13

4

It’s impressively generic. It could have GMC, Buick, or perhaps even Ford badges on it and no one would bat an eye.

4kc > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:13

2

ONE OF US

jimz > CB 04/12/2017 at 14:14

1

Mostly harmless.

Sir Halffast > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:14

1

I like it. If there’s a third row, then I’d have one instead of a minivan.

CalzoneGolem > DaftRyosuke - So Long and Thanks for All the Fish! 04/12/2017 at 14:14

0

I wouldn’t have one but I won’t mind seeing them on the road.

CalzoneGolem > Nibbles 04/12/2017 at 14:15

1

I don’t understand these words.

CalzoneGolem > jimz 04/12/2017 at 14:16

0

I’d love to see it next to a ‘Burban.

J_P_Cars10s > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:16

0

Subaru corporate grille + Subaru drive train + generic SUV = $$$$$$$$$

CaptDale - is secretly British > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:16

1

Worst name ever

CalzoneGolem > Sir Halffast 04/12/2017 at 14:16

0

There is a third row.

smobgirl > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:17

1

Boooooooring.

Nibbles > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:19

0

TheHondaBro > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:20

3

It’s genuinely attractive. Can’t wait to see a whole bunch of these during SUBARU SEASON!1!!1! here in the PNW.

For Sweden > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:22

4

It’s like the Volvo except not good

Chariotoflove > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:23

1

I mean, it’s a car.

Sorry, that’s all I could muster.

Ash78, voting early and often > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:28

1

RIP, Forester. Goodbye, Lesbomobile, we barely knew ye.

Sir Halffast > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:29

1

Like, a real functional one? Or a Nissan Rogue “family package” piece of fold-down cardboard bullshit?

CaptDale - is secretly British > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:30

1

Welcome to the rental car game....

Nibby > jimz 04/12/2017 at 14:32

0

A lot of cars and crossovers are like that now

Eberle-Hills-Cop > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:33

0

But will it overland?

CalzoneGolem > Sir Halffast 04/12/2017 at 14:34

0

CalzoneGolem > Ash78, voting early and often 04/12/2017 at 14:35

1

This is like a big boy Forester.

CalzoneGolem > Chariotoflove 04/12/2017 at 14:35

1

Understandable.

Sir Halffast > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:36

1

Damn. That actually looks pretty good.

CalzoneGolem > Eberle-Hills-Cop 04/12/2017 at 14:37

1

Undoubtedly someone will overland it. 

Duck Duck Grey Duck FTMFW! > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:37

1

Looks pretty badass. I like all the new Subarus. I like the aggressive angular look of them.

DAWRX - The Herb Strikes Back > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:37

1

“Can now carry up to 40% more lesbians”

CalzoneGolem > For Sweden 04/12/2017 at 14:37

1

Does that mean better or worse?

Ash78, voting early and often > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:37

0

That’s a paternalistic, cisgendered metaphor and I don’t appreciate your microaggressions in my Safe Space.

CalzoneGolem > TheHondaBro 04/12/2017 at 14:38

1

Isn’t it always SUBARU SEASON!1!!1! ?

For Sweden > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:39

0

I want to say it makes it worse but it may actually be better :/

CalzoneGolem > Ash78, voting early and often 04/12/2017 at 14:40

1

CalzoneGolem > For Sweden 04/12/2017 at 14:43

0

That’s what I thought.

HammerheadFistpunch > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:43

2

It looks like I do at around the same time a 7 seat crossover makes sense: much bigger, softer, rounder and droopier than I would like.

vicali > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:44

2

ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:45

0

Let’s see what sort of engine they put in it. Is it a CVT? Turbo H-6? Will any of the driveline trickle down into other vehicles? If it’s another 4-cyl, or just the standard H-6 (and it probably will) I’ll be really annoyed.

Either way, I’ll probably take a serious look at it when we’re car shopping next.

Textured Soy Protein > Sir Halffast 04/12/2017 at 14:46

0

Here’s a bit more detailed version of that photo.

Looks like a 2-seat, smaller-end-of-decent-sized 3rd row. Not as big as something like a Chevy Traverse/Buick Enclave but alright.

Oh, and I’m prettu sure this is not real, because this is the interior of the concept car:

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:47

1

Looks like a bigger GMC terrain with the side windows from an Outback. It should be fine. It’s like a puffed up Outback which should be a good thing. I like the current Outback. I’m not really sure I’d call it a Tribeca successor, though. The Tribeca was never really a Subaru. It was supposed to be a Saab that GM was paying Subaru to develop for them, but then they killed Saab and Subaru had to sell it to recoup the sunk costs.

m-b-w loves his SUBAROO > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:48

1

I’d trade my Outback in for one in a heartbeat if I had the funds.

CalzoneGolem > ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback 04/12/2017 at 14:48

0

It is supposed to be a brand new turbo 2.4L h4.

ArmadaExpress drives a turbo outback > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:50

1

I hope it makes great power, and makes it’s way into other vehicles. If not, then shame on Subaru.

HammerheadFistpunch > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:52

1

hopefully that loss of 100 cc is being used to make the block not need to be replaced regularly...

CalzoneGolem > HammerheadFistpunch 04/12/2017 at 14:53

0

One can only hope.

Textured Soy Protein > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 14:57

2

It seems fine. I’m sure they’ll sell a bunch. The Tribeca was a mis-step because it launched during Subaru’s awkward upside-down Alfa Romeo grille phase, it only came with a not-very-efficient H6 motor, and it had a weird interior with a small third row. When they “fixed” the grille it became anonymous and didn’t address any of the other issues.

CalzoneGolem > Textured Soy Protein 04/12/2017 at 14:59

1

This looks like a 125% Forester.

Textured Soy Protein > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 15:13

0

Sounds about right. The Outback is about a 105% Forester right now, if we’re using a Forester as a unit of measurement. Well technically if you go by the supposed 117 inch wheelbase of the Ascent, it’s a 113% Forester.

CalzoneGolem > Textured Soy Protein 04/12/2017 at 15:16

1

...if we’re using a Forester as a unit of measurement.

http://oppositelock.kinja.com/forest-for-scale-1794035168

IAN_Z > CalzoneGolem 04/12/2017 at 16:59

1

No Subarus look good and this one looks the least good of them all.

uofime-2 > HammerheadFistpunch 04/12/2017 at 17:02

0

Nah, bet they just bored out the 2L and called that good enough.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Textured Soy Protein 04/12/2017 at 18:29

0

When I see the facelifted TriBeCa I always think opits a Chrysler

CalzoneGolem > IAN_Z 04/12/2017 at 19:35

0

Damn that molten lava levels of hot take.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > CalzoneGolem 04/13/2017 at 01:16

1

looks like an Impreza hit the steroids.

IAN_Z > CalzoneGolem 04/13/2017 at 01:48

1

Alex B > CalzoneGolem 04/13/2017 at 08:06

0

Tribeca was better

CalzoneGolem > Alex B 04/13/2017 at 08:25

1

I got 3rd degree burns reading this.