Ask a Stupid Question, Get a Stupid Answer

"Justin Hughes" (justinhughes54) 04/07/2017 at 16:36 • Filed to: None

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After a !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and some ancient pagan rituals to make our !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!   !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , it still failed Massachusetts inspection. It wasn’t anything I’d done wrong, but a small detail I hadn’t considered. The stock muffler is supposed to have two tailpipes. The right one had broken off. Therefore, exhaust gas was escaping ahead of the rear bumper. That stupid complaint, alone, transformed the car into the ultra obscure VW Jetta Type R – with a big red sticker on the windshield indicating it couldn’t be driven, anywhere, ever, until this got fixed.

Read on Right Foot Down or continue below

Most people I told about this said it was a stupid reason to fail. While I understand not wanting exhaust fumes in the passenger compartment, I tend to agree. Welcome to Massachusetts. Ironically, if the Jetta had already been converted into a !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , it wouldn’t have been a problem. The passenger compartment technically ends where the bed begins, despite the separate trunk area of a sedan not being given similar consideration.

Since it’s going to become a Ute anyway, I didn’t want to spend any more money on this “repair” than absolutely necessary. Before leaving the inspection station, I asked the guy if just sealing off the hole for the second pipe to force all exhaust out the remaining one, behind the bumper, would be legal. He paused to think about it, and said yes, that would be fine. I went home and planned the worst exhaust bodge job ever.

A Cover Up Operation

My fix involved simply patching up the hole left by the missing tailpipe. I picked up some !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! for $5. But this goo is intended to fix pinholes and cracks, not large open spaces like the missing tailpipe left behind. I’ve used exhaust sealer tape in the past, but that’s designed to wrap around a pipe, and wouldn’t work over a big gaping hole like this. So I turned to what all wise men turn to when faced with a problem – beer. No, not to get drunk about it. My plan was to cut up a beer can and use its aluminum to cover the actual hole, then seal all around it with Muffler Weld. Sure, a soda can would’ve worked, too, but beer seemed a more appropriately German solution.

In retrospect, it might have been smarter to use the bottom of the can, since it was already round. But the flat side of the can worked well enough, and was super easy to cut with tin snips. I bent and folded it around the stub of the missing tailpipe and contours of the muffler as best I could. I would’ve preferred to use a good German beer for this repair, but that would have doubled or even tripled the cost, so I settled for a beer I already had from an American brewery founded by German immigrants.

Then I put on some gloves – you don’t want this toxic goo on your skin – and slathered it all over the patch. I even covered the can itself so that the inspector couldn’t tell the true ghetto nature of this “repair.” But mainly I focused on gooping up the seams between the beer can patch and the muffler itself. When I was done, I let it sit and cure for 24 hours before starting the car and checking for leaks.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Over the next couple of days I found pinhole leaks when I did this, patched them up, and waited another day before trying again. Then the air would start coming out of a new leak, now the path of least resistance. It took a few days to get them all, but finally I was satisfied that if the inspector put his hand near the patch, he wouldn’t feel any exhaust leaking out. It was time for my state guaranteed free re-check for this particular problem.

We Have a Winner!

Now witness the power of this fully armed and operational battle station! OK, it’s more like a Jetta knight than a Death Star, but the point remains that despite its battle scars and a few remaining minor issues, our 2003 VW Jetta is now fully street legal. And it was literally a one beer job.

The inspector didn’t even check the exhaust as carefully as I did. He could see that the hole was patched, just as I had suggested, scanned all the necessary bar codes, and stuck a valid inspection sticker on my windshield. Even better, it has the number 4 to commemorate the month in which I actually legalized it, not a 1 going back to the month we bought it like my registration, which screwed me out of three months of use. But whatever – it passed, it’s legal, and it never has to pass another Massachusetts emissions test again. Fail it for a stupid reason, make a stupid repair and pass. Like our modern education system, it’s not about making it work properly – it’s all about passing the test.

What Now?

Ever since we got the Jetta, our primary main objective has been to make it fully street legal. After a lot of work, we’ve accomplished that. It’s a major milestone for this project. So what’s next? The battery seems to be having trouble holding a charge for more than a couple of days. I blame the numerous times it got drained while diagnosing that problem. I’ll see if the second battery that came with the car does any better. If not, it’s time for a new one. I wonder if they’ll take two cores in exchange. Beyond that, there are no remaining major issues. For under $50 I can replace the dented right front fender, but I’ll probably wait on that until it’s time to paint the car.

That’s right – it seems that the next major step in this car’s evolution will be the Smyth Ute kit itself. I’ll be paying them a visit next week before leaving for NYIAS, checking out the shop, and making some plans. And now I’ll even be able to drive the Jetta there to catch a glimpse of its future form. I’ll also do some strategic planning and figure out what other modifications will be easiest to do in the middle of the Ute conversion. For example, it will probably be easiest to install a trailer hitch after the interior is removed and the body is cut, but before installing the aluminum Ute bed. Access for drilling holes where the hitch mounts will be better than in either intact form.

But until it’s time for surgery, I plan to just keep driving the car, put a few more miles on it, and work out any other minor issues that come up. I’ll also get my wife driving this car to finally practice and master the manual transmission. For me, even in stock form, it’s extremely satisfying to be legally driving this car that many people would send to the crusher after repairing all of its major issues with my own two hands.

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benjrblant > Justin Hughes 04/07/2017 at 16:42

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Like our modern education system, it’s not about making it work properly – it’s all about passing the test.

HA!

Wait, that’s so true.

Aw.

Dave the car guy , still here > Justin Hughes 04/07/2017 at 16:42

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Excellent McGyver job there, well executed. I’ve seen much worse.

Nothing > Justin Hughes 04/07/2017 at 16:47

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Cool!

Although seeing this post makes me wonder what happened to the free Jalopnik Jetta? Weren’t there supposed to be regular updates on that.

Noah - Now with more boost. > Justin Hughes 04/07/2017 at 16:49

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LOL dude I just passed MA inspection a few months ago with some serious exhaust leaks, and at a Toyota dealership of all places. They did fail me initially for tires that were almost at the wear line though. I think what it really comes down to is the leniency of the tech doing your inspection. Amusingly, I tried going to a different dealership after that (Honda) who told me that I should just go back to the Toyota dealer because they would fail me for even more things beyond just the tires.

Viggen > Justin Hughes 04/07/2017 at 16:51

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Ah yes, the infamous Nyet sticker from the People’s Republic of M(ass)achusetts

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Justin Hughes 04/07/2017 at 16:52

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trailer hitch?! how much will this be able to even pull? (I read over on RFD)

Justin Hughes > Noah - Now with more boost. 04/07/2017 at 16:53

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Inspections are a scam. Most states don’t even have them. We shouldn’t either.

Justin Hughes > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner 04/07/2017 at 16:54

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Not much - probably 1000lbs. But that’s enough for our flatbed trailer and my motorcycle, or building supplies that won’t fit in the bed. I won’t be towing my WRX to the track with it, that’s for sure!

Noah - Now with more boost. > Justin Hughes 04/07/2017 at 16:55

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I’m just SO glad we don’t have to pass emissions anymore. Because I would not

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Justin Hughes 04/07/2017 at 16:55

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hahaha, what is payload rated to in the bed when you get it?

Viggen > Noah - Now with more boost. 04/07/2017 at 16:56

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So they got rid of doing emissions one year and safety the next?

Noah - Now with more boost. > Viggen 04/07/2017 at 16:59

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nope it just seems like the definition of “safe” varies from place to place. My old ‘89 635csi deathtrap had dry rotted everything and passed every time lol.

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > Justin Hughes 04/07/2017 at 19:22

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Wait a second, of the 4 vehicles my family owns 2 of them have exhausts which stop in front of the rear bumper. None of them have ever failed a MA inspection.

Justin Hughes > MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner 04/08/2017 at 13:57

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750lbs.

Justin Hughes > TheTurbochargedSquirrel 04/08/2017 at 13:58

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It all depends who you ask. That’s why inspections are stupid. There are no consistent standards.

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > Justin Hughes 04/08/2017 at 14:01

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Considering that every one of our cars has a stock exhaust it seems a little silly they would call you on one that dumps before the bumper.

Justin Hughes > TheTurbochargedSquirrel 04/08/2017 at 15:31

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Absolutely. This exhaust, aside from the missing tailpipe, is stock as well.

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > Justin Hughes 04/10/2017 at 10:12

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Fascinating

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Justin Hughes 04/10/2017 at 10:43

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I’m quite impressed with how clean and well integrated that Ute conversion looks.

What vehicle do those tail lights come off of? They look familiar but I can’t place them.

ateamfan42 > Justin Hughes 04/10/2017 at 13:30

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I would’ve preferred to use a good German beer for this repair, but that would have doubled or even tripled the cost, so I settled for a beer I already had from an American brewery founded by German immigrants.

Weren’t ALL the historically established American breweries founded by German immigrants?

ateamfan42 > Justin Hughes 04/10/2017 at 13:33

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It was time for my state guaranteed free re-check for this particular problem.

Now that is a concept Maine needs to get behind. Here, an inspection station gets to charge you to perform the inspection, each time, pass or fail.

In the old old days, it was customary not to charge the customer for a failure, with the expectation they would fix the issue and then return for a re-inspection and pay at that time. I don’t think anywhere does this anymore. Some of the good places left will charge for the first inspection, then re-inspect for free within a reasonable time (like 30 days) and apply the passing sticker them.

But more and more places go to the letter of the law and charge for each failure, and the final pass. What is really frustrating is when the second or third inspection find new reasons to fail that were not identified in the first round. That gets expensive!

ateamfan42 > Justin Hughes 04/10/2017 at 13:35

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Inspections are a scam. Most states don’t even have them. We shouldn’t either.

I like the idea of all cars being checked for safety concerns. But when the criteria are applied inconsistently, and the private inspectors have the lattitude to make up “creative” interpretation of the rules and fail cars for non-safety issues, then the system turns into the mess we have.

Justin Hughes > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly 04/12/2017 at 17:17

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Ford Explorer SportTrac. And the tailgate is from a Ranger flareside.

Justin Hughes > ateamfan42 04/12/2017 at 17:17

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You may be right...

ateamfan42 > Justin Hughes 04/13/2017 at 08:01

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I do have to applaud your choice. Of all the “classic” American brews, Yuengling is my favorite. Also, they are the oldest of the existing American brews :)

Justin Hughes > ateamfan42 04/13/2017 at 09:00

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Thank you! It’s also my “daily driver” of beers, so I always have cans around. :)

ateamfan42 > Justin Hughes 04/13/2017 at 09:43

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I just had a “shipment” of Black & Tans brought north, so I’m a happy camper :)